for AND SO HE WAITED6/6/2010 c1 
88lostmoonchild
I liked the story. You should do another one, this time in the group's perspective.
88lostmoonchildI liked the story. You should do another one, this time in the group's perspective.
4/17/2010 c1 682Lamia of the Dark
You started in present tense in the first sentence, then had the rest of it in past tense.
You need some kind of punctuation inside the quote marks with "DAMN THEM ALL". (A comma or an exclamation point, not a period.)
"Especially Kagura" should either be its own sentence or be attached to the sentence before it by a comma. It should NOT be part of the beginning of the sentence "the rebellious bithc had disobeyed him from day one." (Because there is no correct way to pull that off grammatically.)
Grammar aside, this is pretty good for a first attempt. Hell knows my first fanfics were terrible content-wise :D
682Lamia of the DarkYou started in present tense in the first sentence, then had the rest of it in past tense.
You need some kind of punctuation inside the quote marks with "DAMN THEM ALL". (A comma or an exclamation point, not a period.)
"Especially Kagura" should either be its own sentence or be attached to the sentence before it by a comma. It should NOT be part of the beginning of the sentence "the rebellious bithc had disobeyed him from day one." (Because there is no correct way to pull that off grammatically.)
Grammar aside, this is pretty good for a first attempt. Hell knows my first fanfics were terrible content-wise :D