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for A Friend's Justice

4/30/2010 c1 199Red Bess Rackham
Hey Rika!

This is certainly a vast improvement over your other oneshot, so very well done for that. It has a much better general flow and better descriptions. I still noticed quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes, though. For example, in the first paragraph:
-"to kill the one that had torture and killed his best friend" should be "tortured"
-"the brunet witch" should be "brunette"
-"to the black hair wizard that stood" should be "black haired"

Little things like that, which I spotted all thoughout. Little, but they make a big difference when fixed. All in all, definitely a big improvement, but still needs quite a bit of work! :)

~Red
4/29/2010 c1 10sango92
WOO! this was so good! you have improved a hell of a lot with your writting which is really good! I must say i enjoyed this oneshot!

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