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6/21/2010 c7 16Mad Maudlin's Dirty Toes
Oh, this story is a lot of fun! I love a good AU and this one seems cleverer than most. Zuko amongst the Northern Water Tribe is going to be a *riot*!
6/18/2010 c7 9Mashy-Gaara4life
I love, I love. But what with the 'snake' calls. Water tribes don't have snakes are they? Well, that was cute move for Zuko, though
6/17/2010 c7 3Blume
Oh wow!

I was makign cute faces at yue and Zuko, they kidna make a cute couple... but tha'ts not it: I'm mostly thinkign of the repercussions of the Avatar and the Moon Spirit... isn't that moe exciting!


For a moment I suspected that Arnook knew who his uncle was... then I went back to reread that part and you're right; it could easily mean anyone else...

So now they still need an Airbender, but I still don't know if onw is still alive, so maybe some airbendeing scrolls? (or could we be so lucky and actually find a survivor of the air nomads who can Airbend? *gasp*) and after that I guess Pakku can train him... though I've always considered that process more like a 'guidelines' ¬_¬!
6/16/2010 c7 13Stingmon
Okay, it's time I spend more time on this website and actually review the fanfics I'm reading, don't you think? My english needs improving anyway. Sorry for the mistakes; I don't have a beta-reader for my reviews yet. ;-)

Your idea of Zuko being the Avatar was a really great one, and I like fics which take place early in the show. Zuko sounds and acts really in character, grumpy and conflicted, just the way we love him. Having the Northern Water Tribe try to "rescue" him from the Fire Nation is both hilarious and somewhat tragic for poor Zuko. The culture clash is going to be awesome. I also like the way he acts in the last chapter: "I want my drenched clothes back. And why the hell are you all polite?"

Still, they are two things I have problems with in your story (sorry to end with the critic: it seems more natural that way to me).

Plothole, first. I understand that you had to make Zuko meet the Northern Water Tribe somehow, but your explanation doesn't make sense: going all the way to the North Pole and randomly attack a ship while knowing they will eventually be outnumbered was incredibly stupid and dangerous of him and his crew (what were the chances of Zuko being concentrated enough during the fight to remember a move anyway?). Also, it was useless: we learnt in the second season of the series that Iroh studied waterbending in order to create his own katas. He should have been able to teach Zuko a basic waterbending move. In fact, it seems like they all did something ridiculous and it ends up a disaster. It's a bit frustrating to read (NOOOO don'tdothatdon'tdothat oh great now you're sinking).

A smaller problem: maybe it's just me, but the way you describe the charaters' emotions sometimes seems a bit flat. For instance, the fact that you spend a paragraph discribing Pakku's personnality from his own point of view at the beginning of chapter 7 sounds false: we wouldn't imagine him just strolling around and thinking about his own personnality. I'm not sure I'm being clear. It has to do with that "show don't tell" thing, although I'm not too fond of the term.

I'm sure your writing will improve soon, anyway. Right now, your descriptions are lively and very imaginative, making the story all the more entertaining. Your OC Jayendra is a promising character, too, and that's a really hard thing to achieve. And his name is so cool! ^_^

So thank you for writing this story, and keep up the good work! I hop I haven't been too harsh in my critic...
6/16/2010 c7 5Alis Grave Nil
Oh. My. God.

I'm in love with this story right now, I can't even begin to tell you. At first I was hesitant to read it, but you filled in a brief 'Avatar history' nicely, showing that the loop did, indeed, continue, finally going around to Zuko.

Is he going to end up talking to Aang at some point? He's a past life, after all. 'Cause that would be great. xDD

Moving on. Your character portrayals are fantastic. Every time there's a scene with Iroh, I just want to squeal because I can just picture him having that exact reaction. Even Zuko's depression at being the Avatar is completely believable, following his character perfectly.

I almost died when Zuko started crying after waterbending and Iroh went and hugged him and just... grah! I'm becoming incoherent at how awesome you are. xDD

I hope it won't be too long before we see Iroh again, he's my favorite.

Anyway, I'm definitely interested, please continue and update soon!
6/16/2010 c7 3Toraus
Awesome story so far! ^-^
6/15/2010 c7 138prepare4trouble
Very awesome. Just read the whole thing so far, and it was very disappointing to get to the end. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
6/15/2010 c7 43Makokam
There were A LOT of typos in this. So much so that at times it was painful to read.

The concept is interesting, and the story is good, if moving a tad slowly, but the typos keep kicking me in the shin.

A good read through by you or someone else, especially someone else, before posting would fix ninety percent of the problems with this.

Makokam out.
6/15/2010 c7 ArrayePL
Awesome chapter. I love the interaction between Pakku and Jayendra. Zuko being manipulated by Arnook was sad and will probably backfire on the Chief.

The waiting for update is painful though.
6/15/2010 c7 Amodelsino
Nice story. The only competently written Avatar!Zuko fic I've seen actually. There are a few errors (carrying instead of caring as an example in the most recent chapter), but they're easily overlooked in the flow of the narrative.

I've got to say though, if Jayendra is designed to be one of "the good guys", he's about the least sympathetic one I've ever encountered. I already have the rather irrational hope that he dies crying like a baby. If that's unintentional, then it's a pretty impressive piece of accidental characterization. Or just me.

Still, enjoying it so far, and looking forward to more.
6/14/2010 c7 3Huitt1989
Great update I like how you wrote Pakku and Jayendra's characters in this story, they interact well. I cant wait to see more of this wonderful story.
6/14/2010 c7 13Densharr
Awesome. Just... awesome. Although wouldn't Zuko's story be fairly well-known among the royalty/high born around the world? I mean, the Fire Lord banishing his eldest son, rumors probably got out about his scar, etc...

Also, near the end, when Arnook is "threatening" Zuko's ship, you wrote "boarders" not "borders". I don't think that the ship is hanging around snowboarders...
6/14/2010 c7 4creepingshadow
pretty good! though my only thing is that it's water tribes and earth kingdom.
6/14/2010 c7 10PastaSentient
Excellent chapter. I love it. Keep up the great work and update soon!
6/12/2010 c6 fourfourfourfour
These chapters are getting bigger! I thought it was just me thinking that hahaha

I do love the turn this story has taken; it's good to keep things lively. Only now Iroh's going to have to break into the city Mission-Impossible style to get Zuko out of there. Or maybe Zuko will trade his cooperation for Iroh getting to chill with him in that ice city (pun totaly intended hahaha).

Either way, I sense a cat-fight between Zuko and Pakku a'bubbling in the very near future. Those two seem like they'd have some sort of male-dominance-power-struggle happen right from the get go. Those are just my predictions though; your story, your rules.
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