for The Darkness Within:The Rewrite7/9/2024 c58 Qi Zheng Liu
I’m so happy that you are back! The first time I reas your stories was when I was in the junior high school, now I’ve graduated from the university! Anyway, I just want you know that I love your Dark Prince series and I look forward for another update!
I’m so happy that you are back! The first time I reas your stories was when I was in the junior high school, now I’ve graduated from the university! Anyway, I just want you know that I love your Dark Prince series and I look forward for another update!
7/8/2024 c58 Anastasia fan
Omg! I can't believe you back! Hope you're okay! Thank you! I'm defiantly a huge fan of your dark prince cycle, reread it about 10 times
Omg! I can't believe you back! Hope you're okay! Thank you! I'm defiantly a huge fan of your dark prince cycle, reread it about 10 times
6/27/2024 c32 rmcsquared
I am sure there is a logical reason but how come the daywalkers could get into Shrieking Shack when they couldnt go into the Three Broomsticks? Maybe becuse it is abandoned, unowned?
I am sure there is a logical reason but how come the daywalkers could get into Shrieking Shack when they couldnt go into the Three Broomsticks? Maybe becuse it is abandoned, unowned?
16/15/2024 c58 Sw0rdS0ng
Hoping for regular updates… This story has so much promise and it’s so good so far!
Hoping for regular updates… This story has so much promise and it’s so good so far!
6/9/2024 c58 MuggleHarry16
Im so happy to hear you are back at it again and are well! Ive missed your writing! Heres to looking forward to more! -Monica
Im so happy to hear you are back at it again and are well! Ive missed your writing! Heres to looking forward to more! -Monica
6/6/2024 c58 ebonyandlace
Thank you thank you thank you for updating! I just reread the entire rewrite in 2 days and loving it. It's been a while and was also just skipping back to the original version and I love the changes you've made. Also that scene where Voldemort went to Harry's room and sealed it. It's so much more emotional and expressive in comparison to the previous version (which I loved at the time). Can't wait for more updates!
Thank you thank you thank you for updating! I just reread the entire rewrite in 2 days and loving it. It's been a while and was also just skipping back to the original version and I love the changes you've made. Also that scene where Voldemort went to Harry's room and sealed it. It's so much more emotional and expressive in comparison to the previous version (which I loved at the time). Can't wait for more updates!
6/5/2024 c58 Guest
Welcome back! I can’t wait for this story to be continued! I was a fan back then and I still am now!
Welcome back! I can’t wait for this story to be continued! I was a fan back then and I still am now!
6/3/2024 c16 Shameful-Lurker
My morbid curiosity has been completely overpowered by disgust. James just blasted the piss out of Harry from behind with a blasting curse that sent him flying through a glass window that cut him all to shit. He did this, and Lily was told of it, and NEITHER OF THEM ARE CHECKING ON HIM? What in the actual fuck dude. Momentum carried me a few more paragraphs past that, but when I got to Remus, who for whatever dumbass reason you've turned into your 'apologize for the shit plot' mouthpiece, I had to stop. I don't know what possessed you to come back to this story or if you are even the same person who wrote the original, but I have to say I really wish you hadn't.
My morbid curiosity has been completely overpowered by disgust. James just blasted the piss out of Harry from behind with a blasting curse that sent him flying through a glass window that cut him all to shit. He did this, and Lily was told of it, and NEITHER OF THEM ARE CHECKING ON HIM? What in the actual fuck dude. Momentum carried me a few more paragraphs past that, but when I got to Remus, who for whatever dumbass reason you've turned into your 'apologize for the shit plot' mouthpiece, I had to stop. I don't know what possessed you to come back to this story or if you are even the same person who wrote the original, but I have to say I really wish you hadn't.
6/3/2024 c15 Shameful-Lurker
Jesus fuck man. Where to start?
Harry giving a nod of understanding to that dumbass OC guard... what the hell? The dude learned he was sixteen, beat the piss out of him, tortured him, almost killed him with his stupidity, and didn't lift a finger to help him, and so of course when Harry sees him he glares... or not? He gives a nod of greeting? What in the actual fuck?
Their plan to spring Harry is to just attack the Ministry full on? Uhhh, buddy, isn't the reason they didn't do that to this point that Voldy and his DEs can't beat Albus and the Aurors?
The contrivances just don't stop. Somehow Albus doesn't ever show up when the Ministry of Magic is attacked. Somehow the evidence chute (WTF?) is located in the prisoner holding room. For some reason Harry is all hugging on Malfoy, therefore he can't just floo out (not that that stops him from taking the slowest possible escape route anyway-if he didn't want to be seen dressed as an auror running away then why the hell does he do exactly that?). Somehow James, who we JUST SAW get held up with chasing down the distraction Harry left, manages to catch up with Harry, immediately divine it is him from behind and across the chaotic, auror-filled atrium, then still catch up as well. SOMEHOW JAMES RUNS PAST A HORDE OF DEATH EATERS AND VOLDEMORT, DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO CAST SPELLS ANYMORE, SHOOTS HARRY, AND JUST SO HAPPENS TO HIT THE SMALL PORTKEY HE'S CARRYING.
Dude. What in the fuck. Like seriously. How?
And ignoring how fucking dumb all that is, and man is it dumb, more than anything I'm left wondering when the fuck we'll get to see Harry actually interact with a character we care about. By this point in the original we'd seen him interact with James, Lily, Sirius, Moody, Dumbledore, Damien, and lots of the other kids. In this story, he's basically just getting whipped around from one dumbass plot point to the next with no time for characterful scenes at all.
I know by this point I should just drop this, but the morbid curiosity that's overtaken me has me about to click the next button. Here's fucking hoping you snap back to sense soon.
Jesus fuck man. Where to start?
Harry giving a nod of understanding to that dumbass OC guard... what the hell? The dude learned he was sixteen, beat the piss out of him, tortured him, almost killed him with his stupidity, and didn't lift a finger to help him, and so of course when Harry sees him he glares... or not? He gives a nod of greeting? What in the actual fuck?
Their plan to spring Harry is to just attack the Ministry full on? Uhhh, buddy, isn't the reason they didn't do that to this point that Voldy and his DEs can't beat Albus and the Aurors?
The contrivances just don't stop. Somehow Albus doesn't ever show up when the Ministry of Magic is attacked. Somehow the evidence chute (WTF?) is located in the prisoner holding room. For some reason Harry is all hugging on Malfoy, therefore he can't just floo out (not that that stops him from taking the slowest possible escape route anyway-if he didn't want to be seen dressed as an auror running away then why the hell does he do exactly that?). Somehow James, who we JUST SAW get held up with chasing down the distraction Harry left, manages to catch up with Harry, immediately divine it is him from behind and across the chaotic, auror-filled atrium, then still catch up as well. SOMEHOW JAMES RUNS PAST A HORDE OF DEATH EATERS AND VOLDEMORT, DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO CAST SPELLS ANYMORE, SHOOTS HARRY, AND JUST SO HAPPENS TO HIT THE SMALL PORTKEY HE'S CARRYING.
Dude. What in the fuck. Like seriously. How?
And ignoring how fucking dumb all that is, and man is it dumb, more than anything I'm left wondering when the fuck we'll get to see Harry actually interact with a character we care about. By this point in the original we'd seen him interact with James, Lily, Sirius, Moody, Dumbledore, Damien, and lots of the other kids. In this story, he's basically just getting whipped around from one dumbass plot point to the next with no time for characterful scenes at all.
I know by this point I should just drop this, but the morbid curiosity that's overtaken me has me about to click the next button. Here's fucking hoping you snap back to sense soon.
6/3/2024 c14 Shameful-Lurker
You know, James keeps acting like Harry's doomed for his crimes, and I get that he's Voldy's son, but at this point doesn't everyone outside the Order only know of him as a slayer of Death Eaters? Like, Dumbledore had to share that he's 'killed' Frank and Alice, right? Meaning nobody outside of the Order knows about it. If the aurors are going around casting the Killing Curse I kind of fail to see why everyone is so gung-ho about killing Harry. Fudge wanting to look strong makes sense, but shouldn't your OC guards feel a little conflicted? On that not, why the hell aren't James, Lily, Sirius, and Remus horrified to learn that Harry burned their friends to death? Wouldn't that be one of the very first things they'd think of when the learned Harry was the Dark Prince?
Also, though it pales in comparison, it's been fourteen chapters with just one scene for Damien and Ginny and I can't help but think if they still have a role to play in this version of the story that they'll feel awkward as hell when they suddenly become relevant again.
Sorry to be such a negative Nancy. I promise I'll stop complaining when things start making sense again.
You know, James keeps acting like Harry's doomed for his crimes, and I get that he's Voldy's son, but at this point doesn't everyone outside the Order only know of him as a slayer of Death Eaters? Like, Dumbledore had to share that he's 'killed' Frank and Alice, right? Meaning nobody outside of the Order knows about it. If the aurors are going around casting the Killing Curse I kind of fail to see why everyone is so gung-ho about killing Harry. Fudge wanting to look strong makes sense, but shouldn't your OC guards feel a little conflicted? On that not, why the hell aren't James, Lily, Sirius, and Remus horrified to learn that Harry burned their friends to death? Wouldn't that be one of the very first things they'd think of when the learned Harry was the Dark Prince?
Also, though it pales in comparison, it's been fourteen chapters with just one scene for Damien and Ginny and I can't help but think if they still have a role to play in this version of the story that they'll feel awkward as hell when they suddenly become relevant again.
Sorry to be such a negative Nancy. I promise I'll stop complaining when things start making sense again.
6/3/2024 c13 Shameful-Lurker
So James finds out Harry is alive, has it confirmed, and doesn't immediately try to talk to him? That seems ridiculous, especially after all he's done to get here.
I wish you would stop trying to explain James' drive to get to Harry as fast as possible and just move past it. He acted that way because the plot demanded it, there's no actual explanation, and the more you throw out the dumber it gets. I don't know if you are an only child or what, but aside from maybe identical twins, siblings don't sound so similar that you can tell people are related just by their voices. Sweep it under the rug and let us write it off as the plot contrivance it is and move past it.
On the subject of contrivances, the ten minute limit on James and Harry's conversations is just so unnecessary. Once again, you've traded out a perfectly fine scene (Harry and James' first convo going nowhere due to Harry's refusal to open up) with a forced one. First of all, their convo couldn't have been but three minutes long MAX. Second, the dude whose here enforcing the time limit (pulled straight out of his ass, apparently) just nearly got Harry killed. Are we really supposed to believe after you made such a point of how guilty he feels that he's going to be so strict in enforcing a time limit? Isn't it his job to get answers from Harry anyway? Why the hell would he care if James, who is a Ministry Auror with authorization to be there by the way, not some scrub off the streets, is the one to talk to him, and especially so when Harry is actually talking back?
It's just so frustrating. There's no connection between logic, character motivations, cause, and effect these last few chapters, and the fact that they're where the changes begin is really boggling my mind on what your goals were with this rewrite. I get maybe wanting to rewrite the story to smooth out the rough parts, but there are numerous errors throughout this version as well. You keep ending dialogue like "I am Harry." he said. Using a period instead of a comma before the dialogue tag. You use the wrong word in places too, like a peppermint potion instead of a Pepperup potion, and word duplications with had had written in places. I'm not usually concerned about stuff like that unless it's everywhere, but if this is the revised version of the story then they've got to get a bit less of a pass.
Staying on to see if these changes, despite their forced nature, can lead to some worthwhile scenes.
So James finds out Harry is alive, has it confirmed, and doesn't immediately try to talk to him? That seems ridiculous, especially after all he's done to get here.
I wish you would stop trying to explain James' drive to get to Harry as fast as possible and just move past it. He acted that way because the plot demanded it, there's no actual explanation, and the more you throw out the dumber it gets. I don't know if you are an only child or what, but aside from maybe identical twins, siblings don't sound so similar that you can tell people are related just by their voices. Sweep it under the rug and let us write it off as the plot contrivance it is and move past it.
On the subject of contrivances, the ten minute limit on James and Harry's conversations is just so unnecessary. Once again, you've traded out a perfectly fine scene (Harry and James' first convo going nowhere due to Harry's refusal to open up) with a forced one. First of all, their convo couldn't have been but three minutes long MAX. Second, the dude whose here enforcing the time limit (pulled straight out of his ass, apparently) just nearly got Harry killed. Are we really supposed to believe after you made such a point of how guilty he feels that he's going to be so strict in enforcing a time limit? Isn't it his job to get answers from Harry anyway? Why the hell would he care if James, who is a Ministry Auror with authorization to be there by the way, not some scrub off the streets, is the one to talk to him, and especially so when Harry is actually talking back?
It's just so frustrating. There's no connection between logic, character motivations, cause, and effect these last few chapters, and the fact that they're where the changes begin is really boggling my mind on what your goals were with this rewrite. I get maybe wanting to rewrite the story to smooth out the rough parts, but there are numerous errors throughout this version as well. You keep ending dialogue like "I am Harry." he said. Using a period instead of a comma before the dialogue tag. You use the wrong word in places too, like a peppermint potion instead of a Pepperup potion, and word duplications with had had written in places. I'm not usually concerned about stuff like that unless it's everywhere, but if this is the revised version of the story then they've got to get a bit less of a pass.
Staying on to see if these changes, despite their forced nature, can lead to some worthwhile scenes.
6/3/2024 c12 Shameful-Lurker
Have to admit, I'm a tad disappointed by this new version of events. If Harry is just going to be revealed right away anyway, what was the point of sending him to prison in the first place? All you did was make it so that James' ridiculous 'I'm a parent and can magically tell this masked man is the son I lost 15 years ago' thing had to flare up to a crazy level, to the point he's running around in a frenzy bribing people so he can rush over there at top speed. That he does this JUST in time to save Harry is equally contrived, as though a sudden storm swelling RIGHT as Harry is put into this special cell which just HAPPENS to flood for the first time ever wasn't bad enough. I can't see how having a bunch of OCs nobody cares about eating up screen time so that an unbelievably motivated James can save a just as unbelievably endangered Harry is somehow better than the original sequence, where characters we actually know and care about interact with him as a consequence of logically solid causes and effects that led to his capture. I mean I would MAYBE give some leeway if you found yourself forced into a corner plot-wise and couldn't think of a better way for Harry to get information interrogated out of him, but you had to manually retard your (emotionally all over the place) OC by making him completely inept. Is he a rookie or something? Is 'What are the names of all of Lord Voldemort's Death Eaters' really such a brilliant question that the interrogator assigned to the Dark Prince can't come up with it? This is the first deviation from the original and I find myself wondering why you even bothered if this is the change you made. Sticking with this to see if maybe I'm wrong, but at this point if someone told me the original was the 'improved' version I'd immediately believe them. The time taken away from Lily, Damien, and the other kids in this version sucks too, still can't believe we're wasting time on OC prison guards instead.
Have to admit, I'm a tad disappointed by this new version of events. If Harry is just going to be revealed right away anyway, what was the point of sending him to prison in the first place? All you did was make it so that James' ridiculous 'I'm a parent and can magically tell this masked man is the son I lost 15 years ago' thing had to flare up to a crazy level, to the point he's running around in a frenzy bribing people so he can rush over there at top speed. That he does this JUST in time to save Harry is equally contrived, as though a sudden storm swelling RIGHT as Harry is put into this special cell which just HAPPENS to flood for the first time ever wasn't bad enough. I can't see how having a bunch of OCs nobody cares about eating up screen time so that an unbelievably motivated James can save a just as unbelievably endangered Harry is somehow better than the original sequence, where characters we actually know and care about interact with him as a consequence of logically solid causes and effects that led to his capture. I mean I would MAYBE give some leeway if you found yourself forced into a corner plot-wise and couldn't think of a better way for Harry to get information interrogated out of him, but you had to manually retard your (emotionally all over the place) OC by making him completely inept. Is he a rookie or something? Is 'What are the names of all of Lord Voldemort's Death Eaters' really such a brilliant question that the interrogator assigned to the Dark Prince can't come up with it? This is the first deviation from the original and I find myself wondering why you even bothered if this is the change you made. Sticking with this to see if maybe I'm wrong, but at this point if someone told me the original was the 'improved' version I'd immediately believe them. The time taken away from Lily, Damien, and the other kids in this version sucks too, still can't believe we're wasting time on OC prison guards instead.