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for Azarathian Devil

4/28/2020 c3 1Azarath Cat
While a bit clunky at times, this story has a fascinating concept. I'm intrigued.
4/26/2020 c3 No-one230
Damn this is good looking forward to more
11/26/2018 c4 Guest
I already really like this story.
7/15/2018 c3 Mijoy
That is a very fascinating story beginning. Could you please continue this. I really want to know what happens next. How will the Titans react? Does the heir of Trigon and Azarath mean that his good and bad are in acceptance of each other / in balance (like Yin and Yang)? Please update.
5/23/2015 c1 Kizzy Jo
Please please update
11/18/2014 c3 29Silvereye-BW
Love this fic. The plot is just awesome and it looks to only get better. Will this be a BB/Rae fic? It should and I can't wait until they go to Azarath.
9/1/2014 c3 1ImaginationRunsWild123
Please write more
6/24/2013 c3 3Drakius Marethyu Damnati
1/14/2013 c3 Kenju
*Walks into wall of text* *ouch!* *falls to ground*

Okay, where to start with this one…

Well, it’s not bad first of all. It has a pretty good plot to it and is fairly well done. It just…well, needs a bit of scrubbing.

You have some parts that are incredibly wordy, especially where Trigon is giving exposition for whats going on. Typically you’d want to reveal the plot and everything that’s going on over the course of several chapter, not one. But showing up front the connection between Beast Boy and Trigon, you’ve sort of robbed the possibility for much in the way of plot. All that’s really left is BB’s ascension to the throne to speak, unless you use an OC villain…well, not really a villain since BB’s the heir to hell in this story, more like ‘an OC protagonist’ I suppose. I’m not trying to be nitpicky here, just stating what I see. You limit how far the story can go and the number of conflicts that can be used for the plot.

Second, this story, while interesting, does…well…follow a *very* similar plot line to the majority of your other fics. That being BB having access to some form of ultra power that’s connected to either a god/godlike/divine being that also makes him some form of royalty, at the expense of forcing him to walk at minimum a very dark grey area of the moral scale.

There is NOTHING wrong with this kind of story or plot. The only somewhat problem is that you start so many stories with this idea at its centre, but you never keep the story going very long or let it grow. My hypotheses is that this is connected to how each story follows a similar development curve of revealing everything up front to skip to the parts you want to write. Look at some of the larger series floating around like Naruto or Bleach, it’s taken almost a decade for them to reach the point where we know everything about the titular characters. Revealing everything up front denies you fun of building up to the BIG reveal that leaves everyone feeling like a moron for not figuring it out sooner.

I’m not complaining or anything, just offering a word of advice for future work. Don’t show your hand too early in the game, it takes away half the fun (screwing with readers)

All that aside, this is a pretty interesting fic, aside from the before mentioned wordiness, there is only ONE issue I have, one complaint that irks me whenever I see it.

The use of numbers for words and inconsistent use of abbreviations. The numbers thing especially makes my skin crawl as an editor like someone dragging nails across a chalkboard. This doesn’t make the story bad, this just happens to be my number one top pet peeve of all time in the world of writing.

In your case, it’s the word K9s within the description of Beast Boy’s teeth in chapter one. The word is, canine, same as the Anglican form of canis. I’m not trying to harp or anything, you just have no idea how much that particular kind of thing bugs me due in no small part to the number of times I’ve had to fix it over the years *shudders* Aside from that, there is your use of MT when describing MT. Everest. While this is NOT incorrect (perfectly used in fact) you used the word ‘mountain’ eight times in the exact same chapter (chapter two) as you used the abbreviation. So for appearances sake, you might have wanted to go with ‘mount’ instead of ‘MT’.

Still while my review might seem a bit harsh, look at my complaints, the use of numbers for letters and an abbreviation. Those are really very minor things in the grand scheme of writing. The fact that the only things I can point out as being wrong or bad are mostly pet peeves just goes to show how far you’ve come in terms of writing. You’ve definitely improved over the years dude. Still you might want to go over the three chapters you have posted with a fine toothed comb and do a little light editing. There isn’t much wrong, but I get the feeling that some parts of this were a little rushed.

Over all, interesting story and I look forward to seeing what you have planned for the future of this story. Keep up the good work!

Til next time, Ja Ne!
10/21/2012 c1 20nanayoung
No fúcking clue.
7/13/2012 c3 31The Howling Behemoth
6/19/2012 c2 Ese cabron
Hey man this is a good story so can you update soon.
6/5/2012 c3 Ese cabron
I just read this story today and this story is goood.
12/9/2011 c3 15Eragon Namikaze
I've always loved this fanfic. It's a shame it's just left there to rot, but oh well. I understand that you have a lot of time on your hands.
7/21/2011 c3 BlueMew24
This is an interesting story. I like it. Please update!
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