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for Carter's suitcase

8/6/2012 c2 Grammer problems
First, this was too short to be a chapter. Second, you need to try to spell correctly not only Carter's name but some other ones. Try not to do a list format if you try to do something like what you did in the first chapter. And you also need to put the periods and commas when you're trying to say different points. For example, "She opened it and saw what was inside she smirked he kept weird things in this suitcase especially the Basketball cards." should be "She opened it and saw what was inside. She smirked. Carter kept weird things in his suitcase. Especially the basketball cards."
good luck in writing!
11/4/2011 c2 Violetsea
Its to vague, there is no real story to it.Perhaps if you had a story behind each item it might make it more interesting.I dont think you needed the extra chapter with Sadie it was a bit pointless...

I liked:

"He siged life was so simple before he did not need magic wands or staffs just a few things."

"So he retured to his work wishing for his old life but more impotantly his dad."

-If you had went into more detail about these things it could have really improved the story.

You wrote"Cater", instead of Carter normally this would not bother me but you have repeated the mistake numerous times through out the story and in the chapter title.

It was a good idea but I am not sure it worked..

7/14/2011 c2 Unknown
Are you sure you mean Cater not Carter?
5/13/2011 c2 willyam
8/5/2010 c2 greenplanet
CATERS? CATERS? DO YOU MEAN "CARTER'S"? like i said before, reread your work before you post it! other than that, good job! :)


p.s. recycle please! save our planet! ;)
8/5/2010 c1 greenplanet
woah. hold it! it was a good idea, i'll give you that, but there were many spelling mistakes! you have to reread your work before you post it! also, it freaked me out that carter had a BRUSH. brushes are for girls and combs are for both. lastly, the fact that he had a "doughboy" named zia was very freaky. that tells you that you are over obsessed with this girl carter! so besides those few things that needed a little tlc, i'd say it was very good! keep it up!


p.s. recycle please! save our planet! ;)
5/24/2010 c2 7Quixotic Alchemist
Its a little short, but otherwise good!

-Annabeth Supporter :)
5/17/2010 c1 2Karma's Inferno
Disapproved. Thumbs down. Fail. This is probably the worst Kane Chronicles fic I've read, which is pretty shameful since there are only about eight others. Ever heard of spelling and grammar? Also, way too short to be a story. Not to mention the fact that it's in list format. Man, do I hate list format. You could at least write in complete sentences. Ugh. FAILURE.
5/17/2010 c2 Greke Geke
5/16/2010 c2 15lulu halulu
Haha, that was mean of Sadie.
5/12/2010 c1 Delete Account Please 696
It's better, I guess... I mean, I can see the barest hint of a plot hiding out behind the list...

By the way, Doughboy is a 'shabti'.

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