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for JARED! Stop having gay dreams about me

9/26/2012 c1 o
hot...wish there was a sex scene though(
8/27/2012 c1 cheyenne
it was cool
5/27/2012 c1 What was that
It was almost completely out of character and simply put, crass and ill-thought of. If you would have put more consideration into the actual premise of your story, which might have been good, it would have come out thoughtful, realistic and the characters wouldn't have come out so vulgar and fake. It was too rushed and too much like a 'instant gratification' story for fan girls/boys. I am not trying to be rude, but think before you write. Thank you.
6/15/2011 c1 BlueItem
I generally don't review when I have a negative opinion, but I feel compelled to address a certain reviewer below me, and thus feel like I'm obligated to also express my views on the fic.

The premise itself isn't actually that bad, if a little cliche. My issue is more with the briefness of the fic, combined with its formatting. As far as I can tell, what you wrote was the central scene to the fic, and that's fine. However, if you added some lead up to it (even recapping or putting your own twist on the dream episode to give the audience some context) and detailing the events that happened after what you have written, the story would be much improved.

The other issue I have is with the formatting. The fic would flow much better (as well as be much easier on the reader) if the dialogue was separated more. For example, instead of the current formatting of second paragraph, maybe word it something like:

"I was using the dream machine last night and guess what I saw" growled the Warden.

Jared visibly paled.

"W-What, sir?" asked Jared...

This issue can probably be easily fixed by a beta, so I suggest maybe trying to find one of those, whether it be a person on here or just one of your friends that enjoys writing. If that idea is unpalatable, Another option is to emulate the formatting of one of the more accomplished authors on this site.

Anyway, now that the review portion is done, I can move on to why I wrote this review. "the fanfiction basher," could you possibly write a more useless review? It doesn't even provide any sort of valid criticism. Your first sentence is either a pointless insult or a really, really obvious statement; either way, it serves no purpose. Further, a direct insult to the author is completely uncalled for. If you were so offended by the content or quality of their writing, why did you read and review the story? Surely you have better things to do, right?

Moving on, nice attack against the female gender there. Ignoring that hormone control problems are more traditionally the territory of the male gender, the massive generalization renders your little insult devoid of any actual meaning. In fact, it just makes you look really moronic. If that was your intended goal, good job.

In conclusion, let me abandon my veneer of civility and engage in the ad hominem tactics you seem to love so much. You're an ignorant asshole who can't even properly punctuate and capitalize a sentence, where do you derive the authority to criticize others on their writing ability? Vent your pathetic anger elsewhere, okay? Seriously, don't take it out on the internet.
5/25/2010 c1 the fanfiction basher
this is gay. oh and fuck you by the way and i know your some teenage chick with uncontrollable hormones but seriously dont take it out on the internet
5/22/2010 c1 10Vedda
Well, this is the problem in superjail, there is no "real" girls...

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