for Jett Carter and NCIS6/8/2011 c1 
32HollyBlue2
This is really good :) I think Jett is a really interesting character too :D
32HollyBlue2This is really good :) I think Jett is a really interesting character too :D
1/10/2011 c3 8Biennia Baron
Okay, I like your story so far but why is it Under the crossover section when Alex Rider isn't in it? I believe that it would be better suited to fall under the Ncis section with a note in the summary about it's relation to Alex Rider. Of course this is just my opinion and if Alex Rider is going to show up at some point disregard everything I just said.
8Biennia BaronOkay, I like your story so far but why is it Under the crossover section when Alex Rider isn't in it? I believe that it would be better suited to fall under the Ncis section with a note in the summary about it's relation to Alex Rider. Of course this is just my opinion and if Alex Rider is going to show up at some point disregard everything I just said.
11/21/2010 c1 7MinibooExtreme
I like the idea and think it could go places but find that it has a lot of holes in it.
1. In the summary it starts saying that she doesn't have family, yet at the end it says she has a brother. As much as I wish brothers weren't family at times they unfortunately are.
2.She wakes up in a hospital with the NCIS, this would have been plausible but Abby was there.
3. She wouldn't have had her mobile phone with her. Generally people who are admitted to hospital with a gun shot wound won't keep their possessions on them plus the fact that NCIS don't know who she is then it most likely wouldn't be in the same room at the very least out of arms reach.
4. Her conversation with Joe Bryne would not have been that short and the answer would not have been yes, this kind of stuff would most likely be kept secret from as many people as possible. A cover story would have been thought up. Not to mention the fact Gibbs would have taken the phone from her not long into the conversation.
5. Mobiles are generally not allowed to be used in hospitals - though that could be different in America, I don't know.
I cringed when I saw the start of the texts and that is where I have to say I stopped reading.
It is a difficult idea that you have chosen to pursue in the respect that you have to get everything to join up smoothly which takes time. It seems as if you had this great idea but then rushed head first into it without slowing down to explain things and double check for mishaps. No ones going to be mad at you if you slow down and get more into the chapter, explain things a bit more.
One of the lovely things about fiction is that it is just that fiction, but if you want to get impossible concepts in then you have to either work really hard at it or make the whole thing impossible so that its undeniably not related to reality.
Work on these points and I think you could be a good writer with a decent plotline.
MinibooExtreme
7MinibooExtremeI like the idea and think it could go places but find that it has a lot of holes in it.
1. In the summary it starts saying that she doesn't have family, yet at the end it says she has a brother. As much as I wish brothers weren't family at times they unfortunately are.
2.She wakes up in a hospital with the NCIS, this would have been plausible but Abby was there.
3. She wouldn't have had her mobile phone with her. Generally people who are admitted to hospital with a gun shot wound won't keep their possessions on them plus the fact that NCIS don't know who she is then it most likely wouldn't be in the same room at the very least out of arms reach.
4. Her conversation with Joe Bryne would not have been that short and the answer would not have been yes, this kind of stuff would most likely be kept secret from as many people as possible. A cover story would have been thought up. Not to mention the fact Gibbs would have taken the phone from her not long into the conversation.
5. Mobiles are generally not allowed to be used in hospitals - though that could be different in America, I don't know.
I cringed when I saw the start of the texts and that is where I have to say I stopped reading.
It is a difficult idea that you have chosen to pursue in the respect that you have to get everything to join up smoothly which takes time. It seems as if you had this great idea but then rushed head first into it without slowing down to explain things and double check for mishaps. No ones going to be mad at you if you slow down and get more into the chapter, explain things a bit more.
One of the lovely things about fiction is that it is just that fiction, but if you want to get impossible concepts in then you have to either work really hard at it or make the whole thing impossible so that its undeniably not related to reality.
Work on these points and I think you could be a good writer with a decent plotline.
MinibooExtreme
9/11/2010 c2 11Senna Sylvan
I like this so far, but I was wondering, if it was only a cross over because of Scorpia or if Alex was going to be part of the story?
11Senna SylvanI like this so far, but I was wondering, if it was only a cross over because of Scorpia or if Alex was going to be part of the story?
5/28/2010 c3 BelovedAmy
its a great plot but ur using tomuch speeking to tell the story and not enough detail/emotions
its a great plot but ur using tomuch speeking to tell the story and not enough detail/emotions
5/28/2010 c1 5Akuma-beast-16
Ok i would like to point out something. When he shot at there legs remmember Alex only trained to shoot a gun for a month maybe less,but all of a sudden hes a crack shot.realisticly if someone is trying to shoot you you would aim for the place with the biggest mass especialy in a situation like this.im not saying he should kill anyone, but i find it hard to believe he could think anything before trained Scorpia asasins would aim and shoot .people keep forgeting hes just good for his age and probably not up to thier skill level yet.I rant because i care by the way
5Akuma-beast-16Ok i would like to point out something. When he shot at there legs remmember Alex only trained to shoot a gun for a month maybe less,but all of a sudden hes a crack shot.realisticly if someone is trying to shoot you you would aim for the place with the biggest mass especialy in a situation like this.im not saying he should kill anyone, but i find it hard to believe he could think anything before trained Scorpia asasins would aim and shoot .people keep forgeting hes just good for his age and probably not up to thier skill level yet.I rant because i care by the way
5/25/2010 c3 1James Blond
I like it alot but I feeli like I'm being rushed try slowing down and putting more detail into the story. Other then that this has the mackings for greatness! Just remeber slow it down.
~JB
1James BlondI like it alot but I feeli like I'm being rushed try slowing down and putting more detail into the story. Other then that this has the mackings for greatness! Just remeber slow it down.
~JB