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6/3/2010 c2 9Nakasu Malakiel
Very good. Please update soon.^^
6/2/2010 c2 Yellow Flash
Nice to see it wasn't just a first chapter being done and then abandonded. :)

Hope Naruto is strong, being raised there and all.

Also, is Sakura going to be a ninja for KOnoha? As that would be intresting.
6/2/2010 c2 Guest
Great story, some grammer mistakes but a great story so far. Contiune the great work.
6/2/2010 c2 liveto r and r
'After a few moments of reading he then dropped the file as if it were burning because he realized Deidara is male.'

That is what immediately popped into my head after reading the last line.
6/2/2010 c1 9tennisdesi91
well ... damn ...

I must say this first chapter speaks volumes into how epic this story will be. The amount of thought and effort in the details really shows, and I must commend you. This is amazing stuff.

I can't wait to see where this story goes. Post soon!
6/2/2010 c2 2koleare
Great second chapter...I wonder when Sakura will appear :D
6/2/2010 c2 9Slicerness
so deidara's gonna be SLIGHTLY more insane then in canon? awesome. mad bomber FTW!
6/1/2010 c1 StarwindX
I honestly hope Naruto will be badass and working on his own or something like that for a while, before helping out the rebels, as it would proove really intresting. :)

Kakashi being twisted is a cool idea, as he would've been vulnrable for manaipulation after his dad died.
5/30/2010 c1 5CupcakeLoopy
So I guess I'll be the first to critique your story.

First of all, the separation of your paragraphs are a bother; they, not only contain many run-on sentances, but they don't make much sence. You should start a paragraph and end it with the same topic. You can't just write "apples are cool" and then end with "and that's why Obama is the best president," you can only do that if you can, somehow, connect them both successfuly and while being clear.

The second thing that really bothered me is the time tense. You can't write a paragraph that contains "was" and "is" together. Apart from being extreamly irritating to read, it can sometimes confuse your readers.

And finally, the plot. I can say it's original and, somewhat, well thought. However, I can see a few plot holes here and there, where you'll have to elaborate better. The way you wrote the backround story was a bit boring. And also, you wrote the same thing over and over again in some paragraphs; it has become a bit repetitive. If you want to write a successful story, I suggest you look over you story, time and time again to make sure there's nothing wrong with it, or find a beta reader. Now, I'm not writing all this because I have a gruge agains you, all I want is for your writing skills to get better. Good luck.
5/28/2010 c1 13narusakufan1985
This is a good story. Please continue. Naruto and Sakura forever.
5/28/2010 c1 fantasy.dark
really good plot and nicely written..keep up the good work..
5/27/2010 c1 2koleare
It looks interesting. Have you decided on pairing(s)?
5/27/2010 c1 3tonello
not bad. i was a little leery at first, but it ended up coming together really well. i look forward to seeing ur next chapter, and did you say that u wanted to be my beta reader, i usually make mistakes so you could help me with those too.
5/27/2010 c1 pkp033
Great concept, your story has great potential. I will be looking out for an update in the future. Good luck!
5/27/2010 c1 2Lycan91
awesome story.
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