for The First Black Wings9/11/2010 c1 
2Sneeze Powdered Moth
No! So many misspelled words and is this it? This is the first chapter that is suppose to interest me in the rest? And frankly, your format sucks. I'm sorry. I guess this is a flame since I can't find anything nice to type. I guess you won't take my advice now, but I'll tell you that you need more content. Obviously.
And I'm not clicking the button for the second chapter. This little adventure ends here for me.
2Sneeze Powdered MothNo! So many misspelled words and is this it? This is the first chapter that is suppose to interest me in the rest? And frankly, your format sucks. I'm sorry. I guess this is a flame since I can't find anything nice to type. I guess you won't take my advice now, but I'll tell you that you need more content. Obviously.
And I'm not clicking the button for the second chapter. This little adventure ends here for me.
6/25/2010 c7 Yagami Miyuki
well, it's interesting. can't wait to see dark reaction of his new look XD. he must be really really suprise XD hohohohoho. please update soon :-)
well, it's interesting. can't wait to see dark reaction of his new look XD. he must be really really suprise XD hohohohoho. please update soon :-)
6/24/2010 c7 46Tiryn
It's hilarious! I think Dark's reaction to his new 'makeover' is just going to be catastrophic. Update soon!
46TirynIt's hilarious! I think Dark's reaction to his new 'makeover' is just going to be catastrophic. Update soon!
6/18/2010 c5 18RoonRune
To get more reviews (which are always hard to get) you're going to have to improve your writing technique. Study up on correct punctuation and sentence structure. Reading professional novels is a good way of doing this.
Truly, if you want some help then the best way is to send the documents before they're uploaded to a beta-reader by using the docx feature on this site. I don't have the time right now to do anything, but I wish you luck.
Don't give up, this story could really go somewhere with a more effort put in. Being organized and neat is an attractive must, too.
18RoonRuneTo get more reviews (which are always hard to get) you're going to have to improve your writing technique. Study up on correct punctuation and sentence structure. Reading professional novels is a good way of doing this.
Truly, if you want some help then the best way is to send the documents before they're uploaded to a beta-reader by using the docx feature on this site. I don't have the time right now to do anything, but I wish you luck.
Don't give up, this story could really go somewhere with a more effort put in. Being organized and neat is an attractive must, too.
5/31/2010 c4 RoonRune
You're doing better. There really isn't much to correct in this chapter, so I'll just say to make sure you use commas when needed instead of periods when one speaks.
You have improved and I hope you continue to do so. Like I've said before, I do believe you have a really good idea going on here, just work a little bit more on the delivery of it and you'll be set to go. One thing would be taking time to make the characters react to things a bit more.
You're doing great! Keep it up!
You're doing better. There really isn't much to correct in this chapter, so I'll just say to make sure you use commas when needed instead of periods when one speaks.
You have improved and I hope you continue to do so. Like I've said before, I do believe you have a really good idea going on here, just work a little bit more on the delivery of it and you'll be set to go. One thing would be taking time to make the characters react to things a bit more.
You're doing great! Keep it up!
5/28/2010 c3 RoonRune
I chuckled at the "why me" comment Daisuke made. That was cute. You have gotten a lot better in including details about your environment. Keep it up! Now, you just need to watch of spelling errors and grammar. I'll give you a full report asap, which will probably be tomorrow, but I've noticed in previous chapters some of the same errors that I helped you out with. This makes me sad.
Apply your skills and take care. Talk to you later. =)
I chuckled at the "why me" comment Daisuke made. That was cute. You have gotten a lot better in including details about your environment. Keep it up! Now, you just need to watch of spelling errors and grammar. I'll give you a full report asap, which will probably be tomorrow, but I've noticed in previous chapters some of the same errors that I helped you out with. This makes me sad.
Apply your skills and take care. Talk to you later. =)