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4/18/2013 c27 CnConrad
I haven't left a review for a few chapters because the last - 10 chapters have been terrific.

I really have no complaints, the Viking slavers, clover, selling out the slaves, the random events all flow wonderfully.

My biggest compliment is that you did not make your characters "stupid" Since you finished early character building, all their actions are believable and while not always rational they are reasonable.

I really like your characters and am very relieved you have no "good guys"
My biggest pet peeve is when 'good guys' will not 'stoop' to the bad guys level. Or say if you shoot that rapist and child murderer who is going to escape and continue their crimes you are no better than they are.

Because while the ends may not always justify the means. Means never justify the ends.
4/15/2013 c18 CnConrad
That's a good line to draw in the apocalypse. Killing to survive acceptable.
Genocide for luxury not ok.

On the Jericho thing, it makes sense but just how old is he.

She is 20, he is at least 40 seems older when talking about the past. I really couldn't see him being much older than 40 yet still be as physically able as is shown after living his life the way he has.
4/15/2013 c16 CnConrad
Wow, I was suprised at the change. I'm very impressed not only with the fact you were willing to go there, but the manner in which you did it. Morals slowly losing the battle to self preservation. Showing that she isn't proud yet still doing what needs to be done.

The choice between a pious death that will be quickly forgotton and the opportunity to live, even if it is a life of treachery and violence is a great potential for conflict if done really well an author can make his readers love and cheer for a villain then cheer even more when that villain does anything remotely kind.

P.S. Same thing happened to me in my first play through. That poor scavenger under that overpass. Far too trusting with far too much loot.
4/11/2013 c14 Cnconrad
Just one more review for a while.

I have been pretty impressed with the book so far but Mei Wong's story stood out as pretty flat to me.

Her sob story did nothing to make me feel bad for her. If anything she sounds like she was living better than 75% of the people out there. She complained about Burke trying to assault her after he saved her life as a terrible injustice. Yet when Silver tied up and actually did Amerta not only didn't she complain she actively tried to rescue her afterwords.

Other than a few times where people randomly jump between being good and evil, knowledgeable and naive, cruel and kind then back again the story is great.
4/12/2013 c15 CnConrad
Extreamly solid chapter. Everything from the super mutants to talon to her exhausted and jaded outlook all fit together wonderfully.

By the way I really enjoyed her dismay at the brotherhood last chapter.
4/11/2013 c8 CnConrad
All I can say is Thank you for making Silver betray her.

I swear if a junky and ex whore who was hiding after stealing from the biggest gangster in the area would have given her 200 caps food booze and a good nights sleep then sent her on her way with nothing but a friendly wave and a wish of good luck, I would have quit reading right there.

Instead I am really impressed with the last two chapters.
4/10/2013 c6 CnConrad
Wonderful imagery. I can still remember the first time I played FO3. I knew nothing about the game, played through a silly underground world and was blown away by the light and the apocalyptic world.

I'm not really sure why she would still be in love with amerta after the past two years but we are out of there and it is time for the wasteland.
4/10/2013 c5 CnConrad
Much better chapter it had emotion and action and was easy to follow. That amerta sure is evil. ;)
4/10/2013 c4 CnConrad
This chapter was difficult to read, it just seemed to jump from thing to thing.

While I can believe this 16 year old girl thinks she is in love with her best friend and the associated drama. I did NOT like her fathers reaction. It just seems very very unrealistic. While its possible he would be accepting, given the situation it's not very likely. . .

List below:
1) He wants her to stay in the vault, potentially tying up two female's genetics would not be acceptable for the future of the vault.

2) The vaults culture is based on the 1950's lesbians did not "exist" in most people's eyes back then. Later on in the same chapter she thinks about how hard he tries to get her to fit in. In the world outside the vault lesbianism would probably be much more accepted due to the non existent risk of pregnancy and the risks that would pose in the apocalyps.

3) Finally she is only 16 telling her dad she just had sex then was kicked to the curb. What father would tell his 16 year old daughter keep going for it and maybe they will love you back whether she was sleeping with a guy or a girl.
4/10/2013 c2 CnConrad
So far so good, I like the fact that you made her think she is coy yet still in reality be a naive 16 year old. So far she is a believable character.

Very good that you decided to have her experiment with another girl rather than the Pedofile. It's much more pleasant to read.
4/9/2013 c1 CnConrad
Just from reading this first chapter, I can tell that you are a good author. Terrific grammar and vivid detail.

I know you are finished with this but I like to review stories like they are still WiP.

I'm eager to read this and hope that you are not a slave to the Fallout storyline.

I'm a little concerned The female lead. Some of the best stories/movies have a female hero. But, it can also ruin a good story if she is portrayed in certain ways.

Well here goes 300k words.
3/25/2013 c1 2ZerotheAntiHero
amazing
2/2/2013 c39 2Tiamat Feuerbraut
So. Phew. I just finished this story, and I must say, it very successfully got in the way of my finals preparations. Thanks for that

Now, there are a few things I'd like to say. First off, I love the idea. The diverting from the plot, the whole supernatural aspect, it's really intriguing, and I kinda wish you'd explored that further. But you're right, when a story is over, it's over. And seeing that this fic alone was 300k long, I'm a little scared thinking about what kind of monster would spawn if you had decided to write a sequel ;)

Then there are a few minor issues I had with this story. I have no idea how to wrap them all up in an nice, coherent text, so I'll just list them one after the other. Please keep in mind that this is nothing personal, I'm just trying to explain what bothered me and why:

1. Writing. While there is nothing really *wrong* with your writing, I think you should consider proofreading your texts better and look more closely for typos, stray words/remnants of deleted sentences and weird phrasing. Sometimes I felt like I was reading a first draft that was jotted down in the middle of the night and was never changed again. Like... it wasn't *bad*, but it could've been... cleaner, maybe that's the right word.

2. Character development. Mind you, I did like most characters, even if I hated them. Yes, that is possible. You can like a good villain, too ;D Anyways, this might sound odd regarding the length of the story, but I think that some characters felt... rushed. I don't know how to explain it better. Some actions and decisions came quite unexpected, and I missed an explanation for them, be that a piece of backstory or a scene from three chapters before.

3. Sex. For the record, I'm not opposed to smut, not at all. But I almost stopped reading because of the bizarre amount of sex scenes in your story. Sometimes they felt totally natural, and I enjoyed reading them. But in the end, it felt like they were just thrown in just so some characters could have The Sexy Times while others were doing all the work. I ultimately started skipping ahead until they were finished so I could go on with the actual story. Take that as a compliment, because usually, I don't read in such a case :

So, all in all, a good story with an interesting plot and interesting characters, but also some minor flaws. Those do in no way take away from the enjoyment, but if they had been avoided, it would have been even better.

So long,
Ricarda
12/9/2012 c39 2LillyWhiteRosePetals
wow, what can i say? I have been reading this for 2 years huh? didn't seem like it. Such an epic achievement to be finished. feels good. I enjoyed it all the way and am very glad i chose to 'check it out' when i was glancing over fallout stories. Love your work...off to read your Fable2. Thanks.
10/19/2012 c39 1Artekha
D: Noooo... -whines- ... Damnit... Awesome story though, i guess there wont be a sequel will there o3o
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