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9/17/2012 c1 4juliangelus
Wow darlin. I really enjoyed this and would love to read more.

Needs a little tidying up grammar wise but its really good, a different take on Marias story and I love the ending.

Jules xxx
7/26/2012 c1 1SimplyJanice
this story is very different from any of the others I've read. It was nice to see a change in her. :)

Janice
6/8/2010 c1 25hotsleekeyz
As Siobhan said, the story has good potential. It ended in such a way that it is open for continuation, or to be taken as is. Another chapter, or some more, would be great. It would be interesting to see how this story unfurls. Would Maria keep her newborn or set him free? What would become of the male vampire? So many directions that this could be taken in, so a clear slate for a next chapter, I think, is readily available for you from where you have ended, especially by mentioning Peter. From there it could be a new chapter altogether.

As for technicalities, I have observed a constant change in tenses. You should be more aware of this next time since it shifts from past, past perfect, present, and present perfect. It would be good to stick to just one. A few spelling glitches, but overall okay on that. Grammar and construction of sentences are mostly good, but you have to give more mind as to punctuations, especially by the end part where it seemed to have kind of lost its format.

Seeing that I have partially read the first, this is much easier to read. It would be good for your possible next chapters and stories to do the same formatting as for cutting the paragraph into smaller, more concentrated ideas so the concept will be easier to grasp and read.

All-in-all it is a good read, hun. I had fun reading it and kudos! Good luck on your next masterpieces!

Love you! -Tia3xoxo
6/4/2010 c1 3Jessy-Anne
you my dear are going to die i loved it and you but you are going to die haha and you know why i thought it was really sweet though hope you write more :D
6/2/2010 c1 1Siobhan O'Connell
Hey honey, there is alot of potential in the story.

There does need to be more punctation and grammar, but overseeing that, I did enjoy the story. I enjoyed the "Thank you" at the end.

Well done honey x

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