for Purple9/3/2015 c1 new york times
beauty and grace 10/10
beauty and grace 10/10
7/25/2010 c1 
22Blue Truth
Well, a few things.
1) Chiron would never just accept that seven campers who say that their going, get to go. And when in the books did they leave almost instantly?
2) I'm a little confused. Who was the blonde kid in the beginning, and given your description of Dylan, I'm pretty sure Dylan killed her.
3) If Dylan did kill her, then you shouldn't have the fic from her point of view. When your telling something in first person POV, whenever their not talking, their thinking, and you need to describe exactly that. So, when someone finds out that Dylan killed the kid, (I'm assuming she did, and I know SOMEONE is going to find out eventually, otherwise you probably shouldn't have put in the prologue.), her thoughts are going to be a gazzilion things, instead of if you were to tell it from Percy's POV, in which case it'd only be confusion, fear, and a bit of bravery. Also, if you were to kill someone, you'd certainly wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it for a looonnng time, and even if you did, only for a short period of time.
4) Also, everyone seems really OOC. When would Nico link arms with anyone? And Argus would probably drive them to somewhere where they could start their quest.
5) Dylan confuses me. Sometimes she's like, "Just another dull camp day." Then all of a sudden, it's, "I walked into a very disturbing scene. There on Percy's bed was Annabeth and Percy makin' out!" You really need to spell out words completely.
6) DETAILS! YOU NEED DETAILS!
7) You shouldn't have a prologue and a chapter together. You should put the prologue up first, then put the chapter up separately.
I don't think this was a flame, but you needed some CC, so I gave it to you. I think the prologue was really good, but you kind of lost it in the first chapter.
Oh, and remember, please, PLEASE introduce the characters appearance subtly. If you have it within the first eight seconds of a story it screams, "MARY SUE!" and you DO NOT want that.
Please take this to heart,
-Blue.
22Blue TruthWell, a few things.
1) Chiron would never just accept that seven campers who say that their going, get to go. And when in the books did they leave almost instantly?
2) I'm a little confused. Who was the blonde kid in the beginning, and given your description of Dylan, I'm pretty sure Dylan killed her.
3) If Dylan did kill her, then you shouldn't have the fic from her point of view. When your telling something in first person POV, whenever their not talking, their thinking, and you need to describe exactly that. So, when someone finds out that Dylan killed the kid, (I'm assuming she did, and I know SOMEONE is going to find out eventually, otherwise you probably shouldn't have put in the prologue.), her thoughts are going to be a gazzilion things, instead of if you were to tell it from Percy's POV, in which case it'd only be confusion, fear, and a bit of bravery. Also, if you were to kill someone, you'd certainly wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it for a looonnng time, and even if you did, only for a short period of time.
4) Also, everyone seems really OOC. When would Nico link arms with anyone? And Argus would probably drive them to somewhere where they could start their quest.
5) Dylan confuses me. Sometimes she's like, "Just another dull camp day." Then all of a sudden, it's, "I walked into a very disturbing scene. There on Percy's bed was Annabeth and Percy makin' out!" You really need to spell out words completely.
6) DETAILS! YOU NEED DETAILS!
7) You shouldn't have a prologue and a chapter together. You should put the prologue up first, then put the chapter up separately.
I don't think this was a flame, but you needed some CC, so I gave it to you. I think the prologue was really good, but you kind of lost it in the first chapter.
Oh, and remember, please, PLEASE introduce the characters appearance subtly. If you have it within the first eight seconds of a story it screams, "MARY SUE!" and you DO NOT want that.
Please take this to heart,
-Blue.
6/8/2010 c1 2TreeHuggin'Chick
I thought it was really great! I think you should keep writing! Good luck and see ya at cheer practice! -Ella
2TreeHuggin'ChickI thought it was really great! I think you should keep writing! Good luck and see ya at cheer practice! -Ella
6/6/2010 c1 ABC
I really like ecpesically the prolouge
I really like ecpesically the prolouge