for What if1/26/2011 c2 
15Erica N Peterson
You have a ton of grammatical errors. And in your last sentence, the bolded one, you even spelled "perfection" wrong. You wrote "profection". TONS of errors. Please, fix them before I get out a red pen and start writing on my computer.
I really do like the idea, though. It's interesting to think of it that way. I love the phrase "what if...," although most people don't like it when I say it so often. Especially my family. What if...
15Erica N PetersonYou have a ton of grammatical errors. And in your last sentence, the bolded one, you even spelled "perfection" wrong. You wrote "profection". TONS of errors. Please, fix them before I get out a red pen and start writing on my computer.
I really do like the idea, though. It's interesting to think of it that way. I love the phrase "what if...," although most people don't like it when I say it so often. Especially my family. What if...
8/25/2010 c3 2hallws
it's kinda weird thinking that percy is athena's son and annabeth is Poseidon's daughter. You get points for creativity, cus i don't think i've read a fanfic like this one.
2hallwsit's kinda weird thinking that percy is athena's son and annabeth is Poseidon's daughter. You get points for creativity, cus i don't think i've read a fanfic like this one.
7/9/2010 c4 SeaweedBrainForever
well it's ok but i mean idk i get a feeling that it's ehh whats the word well idk but other then that it was great :D
well it's ok but i mean idk i get a feeling that it's ehh whats the word well idk but other then that it was great :D
6/26/2010 c3 48turtleducklings
Hmm. Interesting story idea. It's really unique. Your writing could use some work though. Just a tip; you probably shouldn't switch POVs so often. It can be distracting at times, and it makes the chapters seem incomplete. I would keep it to one POV per chapter, maaybe two, depending on the chapter length. Like, if you want to do two different POVs, I'd say that the chapter has to be at least 3000 words, and you should probably only switch once; like, the first half is one person, and the second half is the other.
Another thing; do you have a beta? I couldn't tell. The grammar could use some work, and the story needs more dialogue. If you don't have one; I happen to beta. I could do it for you, if needed.
Again, this is one of the most unique AU ideas I've seen, but the writing needs some work. I'm here for tips and such if you'd like it.
Keep working at it, I can definitely see the potential.
48turtleducklingsHmm. Interesting story idea. It's really unique. Your writing could use some work though. Just a tip; you probably shouldn't switch POVs so often. It can be distracting at times, and it makes the chapters seem incomplete. I would keep it to one POV per chapter, maaybe two, depending on the chapter length. Like, if you want to do two different POVs, I'd say that the chapter has to be at least 3000 words, and you should probably only switch once; like, the first half is one person, and the second half is the other.
Another thing; do you have a beta? I couldn't tell. The grammar could use some work, and the story needs more dialogue. If you don't have one; I happen to beta. I could do it for you, if needed.
Again, this is one of the most unique AU ideas I've seen, but the writing needs some work. I'm here for tips and such if you'd like it.
Keep working at it, I can definitely see the potential.
6/26/2010 c2 4The Winged Goddess of Freedom
dis was ok you skipped around way to much and rushed some stuff that all good if you get past that
4The Winged Goddess of Freedomdis was ok you skipped around way to much and rushed some stuff that all good if you get past that
6/26/2010 c2 12Schoe B. Doo
it was nice, your have an interesting plot. kinda confusing though at some parts and you could work a bit on the flow and some of the typos like you misspelled zeus a lot but other than that continue! i wanna see what happens.
12Schoe B. Dooit was nice, your have an interesting plot. kinda confusing though at some parts and you could work a bit on the flow and some of the typos like you misspelled zeus a lot but other than that continue! i wanna see what happens.
6/25/2010 c1 clara
this is a really interesting idea. especially the switch between thalia and luke...but i'd have to agree with other reviewers, that you should slow down and use more detail.
this is a really interesting idea. especially the switch between thalia and luke...but i'd have to agree with other reviewers, that you should slow down and use more detail.
6/25/2010 c1 Lockedheartwritings
i must say.. I am VERY interested..
Luke in Thalia's place and vice versa.. very interesting indeed.. but you need to slow down a little.. Maybe go by chapter? Just a tip. :]
update soon! [MORE LUKE XD] lol
i must say.. I am VERY interested..
Luke in Thalia's place and vice versa.. very interesting indeed.. but you need to slow down a little.. Maybe go by chapter? Just a tip. :]
update soon! [MORE LUKE XD] lol
6/24/2010 c1 SoccerStar21
This is a really great idea, but try to make everything longer, if you know what I mean. Like try to explain what the characters think and feel, and don't take everything that happens right out of the book. Change it up a little.
This is a really great idea, but try to make everything longer, if you know what I mean. Like try to explain what the characters think and feel, and don't take everything that happens right out of the book. Change it up a little.
6/24/2010 c1 Jasmine
I like the story, but I think it seems to be to rushed. Use more detail. That way your story will be better, not to mention longer. Like describe how Annabeth felt when facing the Minataur (sp?), when she saw Percy for the first time, or getting claimed by Poseidon. Same with Percy. You know, just don't make it sound rushed. Anyways, I like the story and hope you can update soon! :)
I like the story, but I think it seems to be to rushed. Use more detail. That way your story will be better, not to mention longer. Like describe how Annabeth felt when facing the Minataur (sp?), when she saw Percy for the first time, or getting claimed by Poseidon. Same with Percy. You know, just don't make it sound rushed. Anyways, I like the story and hope you can update soon! :)