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6/11/2017 c1 Guest
Finish please!
6/30/2016 c1 4animal lover13
please update

keep writing
8/12/2014 c1 HTTYDlover
DO MORE!
6/25/2013 c1 aly
I'd be interested in reading further
11/29/2012 c1 SnowCat21
this has a really good start i hope to read more
7/13/2012 c1 Guest
UG U HAVE TO MAKE IT LONGER TO IT MAN DO IT!
5/22/2011 c1 hannah
where is the next chapter? sounds good so far!
11/9/2010 c1 I amm Groot
awessomewww :D
8/23/2010 c1 4Victoria62015
This is interesting, don't stop! Please continue!
7/9/2010 c1 6xxHaleinaxx
Continue pretty please :3 ?
7/4/2010 c1 6kt2209
hurry up and write the next chapter!
7/4/2010 c1 8Travis Church
'Ello there!

Long time no talk eh? So anywho, the constructive part of the review.

Words are like chicken, the more you eat it the more you get bored of it. Chicken after a while get's boring and although it seems nice after a while, it just doesn't seem to have the punch as the first time you've had chicken.

You use the words scent, decay, and death (including all it's little mutations such as dead). In the first paragraph, "death and decay" is repeated twice and we read scent four times in the same paragraph. I'm sure you have a larager vocabulary.

What you need to do is to go on thesaurus.com and find words that are synonyms. Then take your pick of what you find. Not repeating words is a simple skill that can make your writing more diverse and more eventful to read.

Good luck!

Travis Church
7/3/2010 c1 1Darkdagers
interesting i like it, cant wait for more.

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