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for Not so Helpless

10/10/2019 c11 46Hikari Nova
double posted this chapter you did
6/6/2019 c11 1Dagmar Beck
Have you noticed this is not ch11 but a repeat of ch10 ?
9/11/2018 c26 Netchka
Great story. Everybody is sure mixed up and down aren't they. Hopefully not too many baddies will be coming out of the looking forward to finding out what happens next.
6/2/2016 c24 Guest
The story is interesting, but it's a mess in almost every way. I'm not an expert in English language usage, so I won't write-up every problem, but it sums up to a few basic problems. In the story, a similar problem exists, in the concepts it's hastily introduced, and in method is by clumsy exposition.

For the technical problems, the most obvious is the simple fact that you haven't made paragraphs at all. A more difficult problem is that your dialogs are filled with clumsy jargon, and in general introduce sudden changes with a block of badly formatted wordy mess. There is no supporting facts or actions to illustrate them, and are immediately taken as fact.

Even ignoring the decision of the storytelling technique, because of the flaws inside each not-paragraph the explanations themselves are sorely lacking.

It's even more depressing considering how many words were used at this point, and how little progressed. Most of it no doubt were on these wordy blobs, and if 9/10ths were summed down to a pair of sentences each, by the time we reached a similar word count either each change would have been fleshed out, or we'd be further into the story such that there would be opportunities to have the characters express their differences.

I personally think there were just too many concepts, combined with messy language usage and storytelling. The former is an opinion, while the latter are most certainly not. Simplify the crap out of it or introduce, or at least elaborate, more subtly.

A vague example, someone sees something in a characters baring having changed, followed by a little snippet on who they dressed as. Now, someone might know the character involved, but if they don't, they know the character was someone who embodied the trait that's leaking into them, and you can elaborate on it later.

In summary, there are blobs of text declaring things as true, ignoring prior evidence, and not bothering with future reaffirming actions. The blobs aren't well written. Too many ideas trying to be expressed in said blobs. Many blobs are unnecessarily bloblike on some subjects.
12/6/2015 c25 Castor and Pollux
Great story so far, please continue.
5/23/2015 c1 38speedster101
Well I have to say Janus need the right thing there it was also very kind of him to do all that especially removing the vampire from Angel.
11/29/2014 c23 thunder18
Great chapter Update soon
8/6/2014 c22 Talon5Krrde
This is a very interesting story.

More please!
5/5/2011 c14 blue talith
I gotta say I disagree with the dual possession of some of our heroes' bodies.
5/5/2011 c3 blue talith
Not sure if I like all the pairings. I can't really picture Cordy with Angel while she's in high school.
5/5/2011 c2 blue talith
Oy, first Ethan with his chaos spell and then Janus messing around!
5/5/2011 c1 blue talith
Not sure what to make of this story (the 1st chapter). I'll see how the rest of the story goes.
11/13/2010 c1 4minlin
Oooh! This is a promising start indeed!
9/23/2010 c14 rankokunalpha1
I love the story so far cant wait to see what happens next! chapters 10 and 11 are the same please fix! Keep up the awesome writing!

Brad
8/28/2010 c11 vagabond-des-mers
hey this the same chapter then 10
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