Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for If I Was In The Akatsuki

6/27/2015 c8 It's me Darcy
You kept spelling "sign" as "sigh". Oh, baby, please never delete this. This brings more joy than it should to my life.

Also, wondering why GB had to make the report call? Is it because Anna was embarrassed? Because if that's the case, you've come so far, my small, no-longer-innocent child.
9/4/2013 c1 Deathkid
Good story
3/10/2013 c15 11etsunara
Well, most of this you can just skype me for help with, but I probably would read the rewrite, just, you know, later, when I'm not so tired or so busy.
8/29/2011 c14 29Stormdragon6
This story is…is something else. Allow me to leave one of my standard long and substantial reviews, and though it looks a little like a flame, I implore you to see it as the constructive criticism it really is.

I was in an LOL mood and so went hunting for crackfics and decided to give this a chance. I read it all the way through for good measure and unfortunately, I am not all that impressed. Chapters are very short with paragraphs never more than a line long, with very basic and lazy writing. Characters are not developed at all and have no personality except for one obvious trait (Anna: prankster. That’s it. Kakuzu: likes money. That’s it.) You’re stretching the limits of “crackfic” by making Akatsuki a bunch of gullible, fun-loving fratboys, and the limits of reality by making phones, House of Night, Dora the Explorer and motherf**king Disneyland just inexplicably appear in the ninja world.

You deserve an explanation of this stuff, so here you go. Firstly, Anna wants to prank some people, so goes to prank the Akatsuki. There’s barely any worry that that is an insane and probably suicidal plan. When Naruto tries to tell her this, Anna says “Oh, grow up, Naruto.” What is that supposed to mean? If someone says, “Please, don’t go to the place where the murderers are!” you do NOT tell them “grow up.” I’m sorry, but that’s just wtf. There are a lot of wtf moments in this story. Like how Anna got an alter-ego that sometimes can talk (is it like Zetsu where sometimes one part talks and sometimes the other?); or who GB is (not so much as a word of description telling me about him!); or how Pain didn’t even guess that Anna and GB had spiked the brownies. Which leads me to my next point…

I was really confused at how dumb the Akatsuki suddenly were. You could excuse it by writing in some examples about how they were captivated by Anna or something, but no. These evil masterminds who can sense people’s presences and perform incredible jutsu are trumped by some girl putting drugs in their food or hair dye in their shampoo bottles. Now, if you wrote some struggle Anna had with making the trick work, some progress, some development of her getting around their suspicions, (One sentence saying “I worked all night on this” or something is not an acceptable substitute) then I would be more inclined to believe her tricks could work. But no. The Akatsuki can handle, sense and attack a hundred shinobi but not sense or fight the effects of spiked pie.

Also, they can KILL a hundred shinobi without caring but a girl appears out of nowhere in their midst and suddenly they’re all lovey-dovey to her when she leaves. I’d believe they all liked her and would miss her (I'm a sucker for "Akatsuki harem" fics) if you had mentioned, preferably more than once, that they were growing attached to her, so much so that they would forget their terrible evilness for a little and start to care for another human being.

In conclusion, I think if you edited this story to make the chapters and the paragraphs longer, added more description and more realism, this could be a knockout crackfic. I’d love to read about the Akatsuki being made fun of by a trickster character who’s really sly and undetectable…but only it was written well. I wish you luck in your future fics,

Storm
8/13/2011 c14 11etsunara
Maybe it's just me, but I feel like it's awkward if everyone in Akatsuki calls Anna "kitten" I found it funny when Hidan-kun called her "cat", since it was meant as an insult, but I think "Kitten" should be a term of endearment used by Itachi to Anna.
8/12/2011 c14 4KittyTheDemonHostess
Hahaha! That was inspired by our one PM, wasn't it? XD rofl!
8/12/2011 c14 Lucy Ash Hawthorne
cool
8/12/2011 c13 KittyTheDemonHostess
I wanna know! I wanna SEE! Please~~~~!
8/12/2011 c13 Lucy Ash Hawthorne
sweet
8/8/2011 c12 Lucy Ash Hawthorne
sweet
8/8/2011 c11 Lucy Ash Hawthorne
cool
8/8/2011 c10 Lucy Ash Hawthorne
pretty!
8/8/2011 c9 Lucy Ash Hawthorne
cool
8/8/2011 c8 Lucy Ash Hawthorne
sweet
8/8/2011 c7 Lucy Ash Hawthorne
awesome
43 Page 1 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service