for Darker Intentions9/27/2010 c2 
1Hurricane Kazama
wow... an actual NCZ story that wasn't written in '03 or something. I must say, you made this thing pretty interesting by giving Zoids personalities and names. hope you update soon.
I didn't spot any major problems with the grammar and such, but couldn't the letter become part of the next chapter or something? I actually wanna know what it's about (tho i do know that it could be hard to write)
1Hurricane Kazamawow... an actual NCZ story that wasn't written in '03 or something. I must say, you made this thing pretty interesting by giving Zoids personalities and names. hope you update soon.
I didn't spot any major problems with the grammar and such, but couldn't the letter become part of the next chapter or something? I actually wanna know what it's about (tho i do know that it could be hard to write)
7/19/2010 c2 4Levells
You're welcome.
This was good. Only a few minor spelling errors. I liked the battle.
About the letter and the footnote, maybe you could have worked it into a chapter later on? Kind of build some suspense?
In the beginning, the conversation between Laon and Brad could use a little work; it just needed to be broken up a little more. It seemed kind of like a bunch of run-on sentences. If you just break it up a little more, it would sound like something someone would say.
This was quite enjoyable to read. I look forward to the tournament, romance, and seeing how you've worked in the Republic and Empire.
4LevellsYou're welcome.
This was good. Only a few minor spelling errors. I liked the battle.
About the letter and the footnote, maybe you could have worked it into a chapter later on? Kind of build some suspense?
In the beginning, the conversation between Laon and Brad could use a little work; it just needed to be broken up a little more. It seemed kind of like a bunch of run-on sentences. If you just break it up a little more, it would sound like something someone would say.
This was quite enjoyable to read. I look forward to the tournament, romance, and seeing how you've worked in the Republic and Empire.
7/11/2010 c1 Sword of Protection
Very good story development in one chapter. Good descriptions of what was happening in an action scene. Communicative dialog between the Fox Zoid and it new driver/pilot.
Very good story development in one chapter. Good descriptions of what was happening in an action scene. Communicative dialog between the Fox Zoid and it new driver/pilot.
7/11/2010 c1 Levells
Oh, this definitely sounds like it's going to be good. I like the interaction between Wraith and Brad. While the battle/escape scene was short, it was still well written.
I'll be watching for the next chapter :)
Oh, this definitely sounds like it's going to be good. I like the interaction between Wraith and Brad. While the battle/escape scene was short, it was still well written.
I'll be watching for the next chapter :)