7/28/2010 c1 5James Baelish
:):) Nice to see you writing again, luv. I really liked it. When I saw that you'd written a Lost fic, I thought: Hmmm, this is for me! :):) "...retreats into a monk-like existence..." Oh my, what could it be with our fetish for monks and religious imagery?
On to critique-land. Loved the images and words you chose for descriptions. However, I have one small pet peeve that you may choose to ignore if it means a change in writing style (don't change your style for anything!). But I got on other writers' case about this too when I edited some of their work. Remove the parentheses. There are too many firstly and secondly it gives me the idea that whatever narrative is contained within them is just wordy afterthought. If it's good enough to be written, it deserves to be in the forefront minus paratheses. Restructure what's inside those pesky punctuation enclosures to fit into the narrative as their own sentences and the story would flow much better. That way it also cuts back on sentence length.
See, it was just a little pet peeve. Hope you don't get upset with me for mentioning it. Keep up the great work, though, luv. Write, write, WRITE! And NEVER stop.
:):) Nice to see you writing again, luv. I really liked it. When I saw that you'd written a Lost fic, I thought: Hmmm, this is for me! :):) "...retreats into a monk-like existence..." Oh my, what could it be with our fetish for monks and religious imagery?
On to critique-land. Loved the images and words you chose for descriptions. However, I have one small pet peeve that you may choose to ignore if it means a change in writing style (don't change your style for anything!). But I got on other writers' case about this too when I edited some of their work. Remove the parentheses. There are too many firstly and secondly it gives me the idea that whatever narrative is contained within them is just wordy afterthought. If it's good enough to be written, it deserves to be in the forefront minus paratheses. Restructure what's inside those pesky punctuation enclosures to fit into the narrative as their own sentences and the story would flow much better. That way it also cuts back on sentence length.
See, it was just a little pet peeve. Hope you don't get upset with me for mentioning it. Keep up the great work, though, luv. Write, write, WRITE! And NEVER stop.
7/23/2010 c1 a0woeijtpasdijpaosirjgtm
Wow.
First, your diction is amazing.
Second, this-just-I'm speechless. This was so beautiful, and I love Jacob's monkish-ness, the aftermath of his own life in light (no pun intended) of what's happened, and his acknowledgment to Kate of not fitting in... which is sad, but it is true, in a way. And how in the end he gives in to what he hasn't done in 2000 years-that was very tastefully done. Very enjoyable. :) I don't know how you'd continue it, but it would be wonderful to read more.
Wow.
First, your diction is amazing.
Second, this-just-I'm speechless. This was so beautiful, and I love Jacob's monkish-ness, the aftermath of his own life in light (no pun intended) of what's happened, and his acknowledgment to Kate of not fitting in... which is sad, but it is true, in a way. And how in the end he gives in to what he hasn't done in 2000 years-that was very tastefully done. Very enjoyable. :) I don't know how you'd continue it, but it would be wonderful to read more.