for Princess4/22/2016 c2 
31Queen of the Red Skittle
Very well done! Really like how you've portrayed the Wraith and their attitude on humans.
-Q
31Queen of the Red SkittleVery well done! Really like how you've portrayed the Wraith and their attitude on humans.
-Q
7/5/2014 c2 194Moira Darling Roche
Wow. I love this story! Granted, the Queens were always my favorite Wraith-and this story is all about them!
194Moira Darling RocheWow. I love this story! Granted, the Queens were always my favorite Wraith-and this story is all about them!
2/23/2013 c2 Amber Terrell
I'm sad this hasn't been updated.. It was really interesting. Please post more and you'll be my new best friend. :]
I'm sad this hasn't been updated.. It was really interesting. Please post more and you'll be my new best friend. :]
9/28/2011 c2 111LA Knight
OMG! This is *so* not the same as chapter one! This is... this is kinda freaky. Minus the kinda part. Jeez.
Um, so quick question before we start - what's a "cocoon" in this context?
So, this is kind of horrible. Like, depressing-horrible. Her mom made her kill someone who hadn't done anything wrong! I mean, I get why, but... well, am I supposed to be okay with her mom doing this? Or will you be offended if I'm just a bit like, "Holy crow! That... she... it... she... holy crow!" for a bit? Because it was so maternal and soft and happy in chapter one, and then suddenly it's "boom! kill that thing and eat its life force so that you will understand that everything has a price." I'm just, like... kind of in shock, actually. Which is probably why my review is rambly and not very coherent. What makes this even weirder is that I'm listening to "I Surrender" by Celine Dion.
Um, so... parts that I liked:
1) "The girl is looking at me as though she's never seen anything like me before, as though she had just woken from a nightmare only to find to her horror that it was all real." Wow. This is utterly and absolutely scary (mainly because I've had those nightmares where you think you've woken up and then something attacks you, then you think you've woken up, and something else attacks you, and it just continues for a bazillion cycles until you *finally* snap awake but you've thought you were awake so many times that you're positive you're still trapped in the nightmare). I was like, "Ho, man!" I cringed.
2) "Strange, how all the inevitable things in life are never really quite as you had expected them to be, never something you're truly prepared for." And another "wow" for the amazing OceanFire, literary genius and mistress of a thousand genres, because this pretty much summarizes the disappointing side of growing up. Which, in some ways, strikes me as part of what this fanfic is about.
3) "Fan-tas-tic... Did I say that out loud?" This line is equal parts teen-high-larious and disturbing. Disturbing because she just sucked the life out of someone, and yet funny because there have been so many times in my life where I or someone I know has said something and then been like, "Oh, snaps, that wasn't supposed to come out" or "wait... was that out loud?" So it's funny and reminds me of that, but at the same time it's disturbing 'cause she just killed somebody. Was that what you were going for?
4) "There will be many, more difficult sacrifices and hard decisions that I will have to make, for myself and my hive, if we are to live... Just as she has done for herself and her own." Ugh. And you take the freaky soul-sucking alien people and make them suddenly sympathetic with just these two sentences. It's like, "Do, or die. Choose death, or choose life, but either way, it's gonna be really difficult." So the Wraith are still scary to me and I don't think I'm ever going to be able to watch any of the Stargate shows (I've already seen the film, ages ago) but I can sympathize with them better now, I think.
5) "You are not a child anymore," she says, as she steps towards me and gently tucks a stray plait of my long blonde hair back into place.
And we're back to the "it sucks to grow up" thing. Ugh, Ocean, you're killing me with these deep themes that pop up in these simple, straight-forward sentences. They're like suckerpunches to my masochistic frontal lobe - they constantly take me by surprise, but in a really good way.
HA! I have finished "Princess!" Now I only have to finish "Confessions of a Casino Diamond" (which part of me is debating whether or not to do because your profile says it's not going to be finished soon and I don't want to have to writhe in agony in the cyber dust begging for mercy before I die of the waiting) and I will have read EVERYTHING you've written so far. Unless you posted something today and I haven't seen it yet. In which case, yay! I have more Oceanic Goodness to keep me from descending into the depths of despair. But if there is no newness for LA to ease her suffering/pathetic-craving-for-OceanFire9's-absolutely-positively-amazing-fanfiction-addiction, then I drop to my knees and shamelessly beg for "Anya's Choice," the Snow White piece, or the "Once Upon a Time" first-kiss challenge entry. Preferably "Anya's Choice" or "Snow White," though. I can handle waiting a little for the kiss because WhenNightmaresWalked did this great (and amusing) entry called "All Good Fairy Tales" for that same challenge and it's so funny. I loves it. So yeah. That's where LA stands right now.
As for "Beauty" I *am* working on it. I'm just really, really behind (on a lot of things) and there's some drama and life is eating my face off. However! I WILL have it all typed up for you in time for Christmas, as a gift to my wonderful Ocean of Inspirational Fire and Hope and Joy, whom I love so dearly. Unless you want it sooner in which case I will do my best to accomodate. Did I spell that right?
Gotta go, have to work on chapter 31 of "Once Upon a Time." Yay for "Princess" even though chapter 2 was eerie and haunting and freaky and disturbing and eloquent and properly alien. Yay!
- LA
*hugs*
111LA KnightOMG! This is *so* not the same as chapter one! This is... this is kinda freaky. Minus the kinda part. Jeez.
Um, so quick question before we start - what's a "cocoon" in this context?
So, this is kind of horrible. Like, depressing-horrible. Her mom made her kill someone who hadn't done anything wrong! I mean, I get why, but... well, am I supposed to be okay with her mom doing this? Or will you be offended if I'm just a bit like, "Holy crow! That... she... it... she... holy crow!" for a bit? Because it was so maternal and soft and happy in chapter one, and then suddenly it's "boom! kill that thing and eat its life force so that you will understand that everything has a price." I'm just, like... kind of in shock, actually. Which is probably why my review is rambly and not very coherent. What makes this even weirder is that I'm listening to "I Surrender" by Celine Dion.
Um, so... parts that I liked:
1) "The girl is looking at me as though she's never seen anything like me before, as though she had just woken from a nightmare only to find to her horror that it was all real." Wow. This is utterly and absolutely scary (mainly because I've had those nightmares where you think you've woken up and then something attacks you, then you think you've woken up, and something else attacks you, and it just continues for a bazillion cycles until you *finally* snap awake but you've thought you were awake so many times that you're positive you're still trapped in the nightmare). I was like, "Ho, man!" I cringed.
2) "Strange, how all the inevitable things in life are never really quite as you had expected them to be, never something you're truly prepared for." And another "wow" for the amazing OceanFire, literary genius and mistress of a thousand genres, because this pretty much summarizes the disappointing side of growing up. Which, in some ways, strikes me as part of what this fanfic is about.
3) "Fan-tas-tic... Did I say that out loud?" This line is equal parts teen-high-larious and disturbing. Disturbing because she just sucked the life out of someone, and yet funny because there have been so many times in my life where I or someone I know has said something and then been like, "Oh, snaps, that wasn't supposed to come out" or "wait... was that out loud?" So it's funny and reminds me of that, but at the same time it's disturbing 'cause she just killed somebody. Was that what you were going for?
4) "There will be many, more difficult sacrifices and hard decisions that I will have to make, for myself and my hive, if we are to live... Just as she has done for herself and her own." Ugh. And you take the freaky soul-sucking alien people and make them suddenly sympathetic with just these two sentences. It's like, "Do, or die. Choose death, or choose life, but either way, it's gonna be really difficult." So the Wraith are still scary to me and I don't think I'm ever going to be able to watch any of the Stargate shows (I've already seen the film, ages ago) but I can sympathize with them better now, I think.
5) "You are not a child anymore," she says, as she steps towards me and gently tucks a stray plait of my long blonde hair back into place.
And we're back to the "it sucks to grow up" thing. Ugh, Ocean, you're killing me with these deep themes that pop up in these simple, straight-forward sentences. They're like suckerpunches to my masochistic frontal lobe - they constantly take me by surprise, but in a really good way.
HA! I have finished "Princess!" Now I only have to finish "Confessions of a Casino Diamond" (which part of me is debating whether or not to do because your profile says it's not going to be finished soon and I don't want to have to writhe in agony in the cyber dust begging for mercy before I die of the waiting) and I will have read EVERYTHING you've written so far. Unless you posted something today and I haven't seen it yet. In which case, yay! I have more Oceanic Goodness to keep me from descending into the depths of despair. But if there is no newness for LA to ease her suffering/pathetic-craving-for-OceanFire9's-absolutely-positively-amazing-fanfiction-addiction, then I drop to my knees and shamelessly beg for "Anya's Choice," the Snow White piece, or the "Once Upon a Time" first-kiss challenge entry. Preferably "Anya's Choice" or "Snow White," though. I can handle waiting a little for the kiss because WhenNightmaresWalked did this great (and amusing) entry called "All Good Fairy Tales" for that same challenge and it's so funny. I loves it. So yeah. That's where LA stands right now.
As for "Beauty" I *am* working on it. I'm just really, really behind (on a lot of things) and there's some drama and life is eating my face off. However! I WILL have it all typed up for you in time for Christmas, as a gift to my wonderful Ocean of Inspirational Fire and Hope and Joy, whom I love so dearly. Unless you want it sooner in which case I will do my best to accomodate. Did I spell that right?
Gotta go, have to work on chapter 31 of "Once Upon a Time." Yay for "Princess" even though chapter 2 was eerie and haunting and freaky and disturbing and eloquent and properly alien. Yay!
- LA
*hugs*
8/30/2011 c1 LA Knight
Okay, I don't have as strong a frame of reference as I'd prefer, but I hope I can do this piece justice with my review. First of all, I gotta know: what's with the crystal thing? Why can't she touch it?
So, kudos on humanizing the hive-mind thing. The princess (is that the right word? Princess?) comes across as being a child (although her age is a little hard to pinpoint, but that actually gives her a bit more of an alien feel to her thoughts; physically she strikes me as a toddler, but mentally, more like 5 or 6. Like I said though, more alien), and not some wierd little bug-thing. Is she a bug thing?
Although gotta say: the image of a toddler with sharp teeth freaks me out. =)
Awwww! A mommy-daughter moment with the pick-up. I love it. So sweet. And I like the princess's reaction/feelings for the queen. I'm not sure if that's because it's supposed to reflect the way she feels about the Queen, or about her mother (the adoration reminds me of me when I was a little girl, with my mother) but it doesn't really matter. I love it.
See, I'm liking the dichotomy here. "Gentle" and "clawed" don't normally go together, but here it totally fits, and makes something soft/sweet/loving out of something that would normally scare the crumbs out of someone.
Wait... is the Commander the princess's father? Just curious.
Awww! Another mommy-daughter moment. And yet faintly creepy, but you still wanna go "awwww!" Reminds me of this part in the movie Avatar by James Cameron. Earlier the MC gets attacked by these black lizard-weasel-dog things that are capable of seriously killing and eating him. And they all get killed and the audience is like, "Yes! He's safe!" Because they're scary. Turns out, though, they're just babies of this one kind of animal, and later you see one of those animals, a grown-up mommy with her babies, and you're like, "Ho, crap, it's those scary things... but awww. That's so cute. Such a mommy-baby moment." That's the feeling I get from the hand-nibbling thing.
Okay, I'm at the end! Yay for getting it done! I was worried I wouldn't be able to follow it, but after reading up on Stargate on Wikipedia (as per your genius suggestion), I think I got it so far. Yay!
- LA
*sparkly Wraith crystal hugs for YOU*
Okay, I don't have as strong a frame of reference as I'd prefer, but I hope I can do this piece justice with my review. First of all, I gotta know: what's with the crystal thing? Why can't she touch it?
So, kudos on humanizing the hive-mind thing. The princess (is that the right word? Princess?) comes across as being a child (although her age is a little hard to pinpoint, but that actually gives her a bit more of an alien feel to her thoughts; physically she strikes me as a toddler, but mentally, more like 5 or 6. Like I said though, more alien), and not some wierd little bug-thing. Is she a bug thing?
Although gotta say: the image of a toddler with sharp teeth freaks me out. =)
Awwww! A mommy-daughter moment with the pick-up. I love it. So sweet. And I like the princess's reaction/feelings for the queen. I'm not sure if that's because it's supposed to reflect the way she feels about the Queen, or about her mother (the adoration reminds me of me when I was a little girl, with my mother) but it doesn't really matter. I love it.
See, I'm liking the dichotomy here. "Gentle" and "clawed" don't normally go together, but here it totally fits, and makes something soft/sweet/loving out of something that would normally scare the crumbs out of someone.
Wait... is the Commander the princess's father? Just curious.
Awww! Another mommy-daughter moment. And yet faintly creepy, but you still wanna go "awwww!" Reminds me of this part in the movie Avatar by James Cameron. Earlier the MC gets attacked by these black lizard-weasel-dog things that are capable of seriously killing and eating him. And they all get killed and the audience is like, "Yes! He's safe!" Because they're scary. Turns out, though, they're just babies of this one kind of animal, and later you see one of those animals, a grown-up mommy with her babies, and you're like, "Ho, crap, it's those scary things... but awww. That's so cute. Such a mommy-baby moment." That's the feeling I get from the hand-nibbling thing.
Okay, I'm at the end! Yay for getting it done! I was worried I wouldn't be able to follow it, but after reading up on Stargate on Wikipedia (as per your genius suggestion), I think I got it so far. Yay!
- LA
*sparkly Wraith crystal hugs for YOU*
8/18/2011 c2 Azrael200
*back for more*
I love the maturity of your prose. It's refreshing to find such well-written, well-planned stories around here.
I can understand both the Queen's actions and the little one's reluctance. It is nearly heartbreaking, but in the end, it simply a matter of survival, evolution, cycle of life. One must die for another to live.
These parts here were my favorite:"It is a most uncomfortable thing, like being badly overheated, but focused into the core of me, and sharper, carving into my insides like nothing I've ever known or imagined in my life. Strange, how all the inevitable things in life are never really quite as you had expected them to be, never something you're truly prepared for."
"The sensation is... unimaginably exquisite. I had surmised from observation that the experience would be enjoyable, but this is nothing short of truly amazing. I can feel every cell in my body come tingling into brilliant life; every sound, every scent, and every snatch of light, color, and shadow coming sharply into focus like I have never perceived before. I feel so energized, like I can do anything. The burning inside me dies away with a feeling that is more refreshing than a splash of cool water, and I let out a long, draw-out hiss of pleasure."
Absolutely wonderfully written. Love it, love it, love it.
Oh and yes..."Plz update!" (I am evil, I know. Sorry)
*back for more*
I love the maturity of your prose. It's refreshing to find such well-written, well-planned stories around here.
I can understand both the Queen's actions and the little one's reluctance. It is nearly heartbreaking, but in the end, it simply a matter of survival, evolution, cycle of life. One must die for another to live.
These parts here were my favorite:"It is a most uncomfortable thing, like being badly overheated, but focused into the core of me, and sharper, carving into my insides like nothing I've ever known or imagined in my life. Strange, how all the inevitable things in life are never really quite as you had expected them to be, never something you're truly prepared for."
"The sensation is... unimaginably exquisite. I had surmised from observation that the experience would be enjoyable, but this is nothing short of truly amazing. I can feel every cell in my body come tingling into brilliant life; every sound, every scent, and every snatch of light, color, and shadow coming sharply into focus like I have never perceived before. I feel so energized, like I can do anything. The burning inside me dies away with a feeling that is more refreshing than a splash of cool water, and I let out a long, draw-out hiss of pleasure."
Absolutely wonderfully written. Love it, love it, love it.
Oh and yes..."Plz update!" (I am evil, I know. Sorry)
8/17/2011 c1 Azrael200
*squee moment*
I've rarely seen such a lovely dedication on here. Most of the times, the stories are dedicated to other authors/friends. But to your mother, that just made me go "aww". I sure hope she's proud of you. And that she's read this.
On with the review.
You start with a brilliant portrayal of an infant. From the way she clings to her mom, to the way the crystal catches her attention, to how she looks at her parent's face and all is right in the world. All children are like that and you've written it so beautifully and realistically, particularly since this is no human family.
Next, you amaze me again with the fluidity of your prose and your word choice. This line was wonderful: "She speaks to him with pride in her symphonic voice, and I know in a few seconds without much effort into their minds that they are talking about me - I respond to this with a rattling bark of a hiss, wide open smile on my little face."
And then, how wonderfully subtle you show the Queen's sovereignty: "He likes me, which is fine, because I like him, too. But we both like her best."
I think it was interesting to read this from a child's perspective.Unique in this fandom, I believe, but correct me if I am wrong.
And I somehow think Wraith babies are cute. I remember when Jewel Staite (the woman who portrayed Dr. Keller) appeared as a Wraith teen back in season 1 I believe. Found her rather cute. I must be odd. *shrugs*
Superb writing. Cannot wait for the 3rd installment.
PS: Unfortunately, my free time is almost non-existent, so I will have to continue reviewing this tomorrow. Sorry to keep you waiting, but promise not to disappoint you and try to go into even more detail next time.
*squee moment*
I've rarely seen such a lovely dedication on here. Most of the times, the stories are dedicated to other authors/friends. But to your mother, that just made me go "aww". I sure hope she's proud of you. And that she's read this.
On with the review.
You start with a brilliant portrayal of an infant. From the way she clings to her mom, to the way the crystal catches her attention, to how she looks at her parent's face and all is right in the world. All children are like that and you've written it so beautifully and realistically, particularly since this is no human family.
Next, you amaze me again with the fluidity of your prose and your word choice. This line was wonderful: "She speaks to him with pride in her symphonic voice, and I know in a few seconds without much effort into their minds that they are talking about me - I respond to this with a rattling bark of a hiss, wide open smile on my little face."
And then, how wonderfully subtle you show the Queen's sovereignty: "He likes me, which is fine, because I like him, too. But we both like her best."
I think it was interesting to read this from a child's perspective.Unique in this fandom, I believe, but correct me if I am wrong.
And I somehow think Wraith babies are cute. I remember when Jewel Staite (the woman who portrayed Dr. Keller) appeared as a Wraith teen back in season 1 I believe. Found her rather cute. I must be odd. *shrugs*
Superb writing. Cannot wait for the 3rd installment.
PS: Unfortunately, my free time is almost non-existent, so I will have to continue reviewing this tomorrow. Sorry to keep you waiting, but promise not to disappoint you and try to go into even more detail next time.
4/23/2011 c2 WannaDeleteButCan't
Ah, you know. Always a pity to kill a human that's mildly entertaining, but we've all been there I'm sure. Very good, next chapter please!
Ah, you know. Always a pity to kill a human that's mildly entertaining, but we've all been there I'm sure. Very good, next chapter please!
2/11/2011 c2 12TheLadyIntegra
This was done very well ^^/
I love the way you portrayed the social network of the Wraith, and their views on humans. Extremely well thought out!
Do continue with this please, and I hope to see more of Todd soon :D
12TheLadyIntegraThis was done very well ^^/
I love the way you portrayed the social network of the Wraith, and their views on humans. Extremely well thought out!
Do continue with this please, and I hope to see more of Todd soon :D
9/7/2010 c2 15Amaruk Wolfheart of the Wraith
Oh, but this sounds -fun-! :D I quite enjoyed the two chapters you've posted so far (and I'm glad to hear it'll be more than a three-shot!). I love the warm fuzzies of Queen-daughter-Commander of the first chapter, especially coz it's Todd and he deserves some warm fuzzies, but I'm glad the second addressed feeding in a way that doesn't romanticize Wraith. Yeah, she doesn't really want to kill a human she knows, who's been useful and even entertaining, but, like you said, hamster. Not equal. I'm really looking forward to seeing what comes next!
And on that note, may I add this fic to my C2? I would greatly appreciate it. ^_^
15Amaruk Wolfheart of the WraithOh, but this sounds -fun-! :D I quite enjoyed the two chapters you've posted so far (and I'm glad to hear it'll be more than a three-shot!). I love the warm fuzzies of Queen-daughter-Commander of the first chapter, especially coz it's Todd and he deserves some warm fuzzies, but I'm glad the second addressed feeding in a way that doesn't romanticize Wraith. Yeah, she doesn't really want to kill a human she knows, who's been useful and even entertaining, but, like you said, hamster. Not equal. I'm really looking forward to seeing what comes next!
And on that note, may I add this fic to my C2? I would greatly appreciate it. ^_^