for Champions7/25/2010 c2 
1S. Knightshade
My, my this does grab ones interest. i can't wait to see how you will build off this. The only thing i find confusing is your description of Fleur's father who was stated to be rather short and possessed a generous waistline himself. However, if ihis is simply because, you wanted a more intimidating figure than by all means continue on. I look forward to the rest of you work.
signed,
S. Knightshade.
1S. KnightshadeMy, my this does grab ones interest. i can't wait to see how you will build off this. The only thing i find confusing is your description of Fleur's father who was stated to be rather short and possessed a generous waistline himself. However, if ihis is simply because, you wanted a more intimidating figure than by all means continue on. I look forward to the rest of you work.
signed,
S. Knightshade.
7/25/2010 c2 Slytherin66
A good chapter I liked what was done I hope Harry's former family are dealt with and their suffering can match that of what Harry had to endure. The fact the Dursley's are muggles will cause the darker families to make a big deal of how bad muggles are.
It would be good if Mr Delacour finds out about Minerva and the part she played in Harry being placed with such nasty people, the Weasleys as well as they follow Dumbledore blindly.
What of Hermione? did she play a part in what has happened to Harry
I hope the Potter wealth can be taken back from the Headmaster and if the old man has been taking gold for the greater good I hope it can all be reclaimed with interest angry Goblins or an international incident are always good I hope Albus suffers a great deal of bad press the last thing he wants it Harry being offered a place at a new school.
Thanks for the quick update I don't mind heavily-clichéd as everything has been done in Harry Potter already but if you have a good idea or a creative was to twist something why not use it. There is few Harry/Fleur stories anyway I am pleased you have so much done I hope the story will be completed.
A good chapter I liked what was done I hope Harry's former family are dealt with and their suffering can match that of what Harry had to endure. The fact the Dursley's are muggles will cause the darker families to make a big deal of how bad muggles are.
It would be good if Mr Delacour finds out about Minerva and the part she played in Harry being placed with such nasty people, the Weasleys as well as they follow Dumbledore blindly.
What of Hermione? did she play a part in what has happened to Harry
I hope the Potter wealth can be taken back from the Headmaster and if the old man has been taking gold for the greater good I hope it can all be reclaimed with interest angry Goblins or an international incident are always good I hope Albus suffers a great deal of bad press the last thing he wants it Harry being offered a place at a new school.
Thanks for the quick update I don't mind heavily-clichéd as everything has been done in Harry Potter already but if you have a good idea or a creative was to twist something why not use it. There is few Harry/Fleur stories anyway I am pleased you have so much done I hope the story will be completed.
7/25/2010 c1 5Desertcoyote77
This is a very interesting read. I'm really looking forward to this story. I really like the fact that you look alittle deeper into Fleur's character...
5Desertcoyote77This is a very interesting read. I'm really looking forward to this story. I really like the fact that you look alittle deeper into Fleur's character...
7/25/2010 c1 Siven80
The length and writing are great.
The life-debt and what sounds like Veela bond are not great. Drop that possibility as soon as possible and actually write a romance without the superficial help of a bond or being Veela.
The length and writing are great.
The life-debt and what sounds like Veela bond are not great. Drop that possibility as soon as possible and actually write a romance without the superficial help of a bond or being Veela.
7/25/2010 c1 Roxoan
There's not much to say, you have me hooked from the first chapter. It depends upon where it goes if you continue too.
You're trying to give Fleur depth, and you're taking her in a different direction then I've ever seen. That's truly interesting. She's not quite a real fully fleshed out character yet, but I honestly think if you continue as you are that she will be. That is something to be proud of, as there are so few stories that a truly fleshed out minor character (from the books).
Really the only thing that I worry might be a problem is the upcoming bashing. Dumbledore is easy, there's many many things in canon that you can call him on; so don't invent things or do entirely unnecessary drama for drama sake.
Ron, I know a lot of people dislike him and want to bash him for whatever reason. I personally don't care either way for him, I've read stories where he's the loyal best friend or the all but evil potion master right beside his mother. I've seen both done believably and both many more times done horribly. Based on your writing I don't think you'll fall into the later, but who knows?
This is my argument for Ron. The problem with him, in the books, is he's pretty much the only real character and readers don't want to admit that they're most like him. I mean, he's completely normal, from a fairly normal home environment and acts like most anyone would. He's really the only one with solid character growth throughout the entire series. Harry, any one put in his situation would have snapped and killed everyone or offed himself. Hermione has little no character growth through out the series. People can argue that she does, but it's mostly just reading into a few scenes; but really she has the same role and personality in book one as she does in book seven. She's the universal band-aid and has all the answers usually before there's even a problem.
Good luck with this, I look forward to reading the rest of this when you get around to posting it.
On another note "and never mind that Veela and water don't mix." is by far my favorite line and makes me think, why have I never seen this thought before. It seems so obvious now in hindsight. Maybe it's been done, but I haven't seen it.
There's not much to say, you have me hooked from the first chapter. It depends upon where it goes if you continue too.
You're trying to give Fleur depth, and you're taking her in a different direction then I've ever seen. That's truly interesting. She's not quite a real fully fleshed out character yet, but I honestly think if you continue as you are that she will be. That is something to be proud of, as there are so few stories that a truly fleshed out minor character (from the books).
Really the only thing that I worry might be a problem is the upcoming bashing. Dumbledore is easy, there's many many things in canon that you can call him on; so don't invent things or do entirely unnecessary drama for drama sake.
Ron, I know a lot of people dislike him and want to bash him for whatever reason. I personally don't care either way for him, I've read stories where he's the loyal best friend or the all but evil potion master right beside his mother. I've seen both done believably and both many more times done horribly. Based on your writing I don't think you'll fall into the later, but who knows?
This is my argument for Ron. The problem with him, in the books, is he's pretty much the only real character and readers don't want to admit that they're most like him. I mean, he's completely normal, from a fairly normal home environment and acts like most anyone would. He's really the only one with solid character growth throughout the entire series. Harry, any one put in his situation would have snapped and killed everyone or offed himself. Hermione has little no character growth through out the series. People can argue that she does, but it's mostly just reading into a few scenes; but really she has the same role and personality in book one as she does in book seven. She's the universal band-aid and has all the answers usually before there's even a problem.
Good luck with this, I look forward to reading the rest of this when you get around to posting it.
On another note "and never mind that Veela and water don't mix." is by far my favorite line and makes me think, why have I never seen this thought before. It seems so obvious now in hindsight. Maybe it's been done, but I haven't seen it.
7/25/2010 c1 Slytherin66
An good start I do like Harry/Fleur I often think Harry is better off with an older girl and Fleur can understand what it is like for people to be interested in what you are rather than the person you are, so Harry and Fleur have that in common.
I liked finding out why Fleur entered the tournament, Harry doing better than the other champions would cause problems.
I hope Harry ends his friendship with Ron he is a worthless character who holds Harry back and is a negative influence on anything he is involved in and a very poor friend. I think Ron becomeing friends with Harry was a setup planned by the Headmaster.
I hope Fleur's father can help Harry given how magical Britain treats Harry he is far better off in France or having friends in other places.
I look forward to the next chapter.
An good start I do like Harry/Fleur I often think Harry is better off with an older girl and Fleur can understand what it is like for people to be interested in what you are rather than the person you are, so Harry and Fleur have that in common.
I liked finding out why Fleur entered the tournament, Harry doing better than the other champions would cause problems.
I hope Harry ends his friendship with Ron he is a worthless character who holds Harry back and is a negative influence on anything he is involved in and a very poor friend. I think Ron becomeing friends with Harry was a setup planned by the Headmaster.
I hope Fleur's father can help Harry given how magical Britain treats Harry he is far better off in France or having friends in other places.
I look forward to the next chapter.
7/25/2010 c1 S-Wanderer999
A nice chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more. When Fleur was mentioning about what happens with a Veela owing a life debt, I thought of Harry being thankful it was a Veela thing and not a female thing (otherwise Hermione and Ginny would be invovled as well).
A nice chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more. When Fleur was mentioning about what happens with a Veela owing a life debt, I thought of Harry being thankful it was a Veela thing and not a female thing (otherwise Hermione and Ginny would be invovled as well).
7/25/2010 c1 lectorsum
After the first chapter and in less than 400 words, you have developed an wonderful plot. In writing from Fleur's POV, you have
explored her character and that of her father, you have already indicated that Dumbledore and company are in for a lot of aggravation and also offered the possibility that Harry may leave Hogwarts. Very well done, I feel sure that this will be a heart-warming story exploring the relationships between an insecure young lady and the boy with whom circumstances have forced her to bond.
Tibi grates ago fabellae novae, habeo huius monere. Ave atque vale, Lector
After the first chapter and in less than 400 words, you have developed an wonderful plot. In writing from Fleur's POV, you have
explored her character and that of her father, you have already indicated that Dumbledore and company are in for a lot of aggravation and also offered the possibility that Harry may leave Hogwarts. Very well done, I feel sure that this will be a heart-warming story exploring the relationships between an insecure young lady and the boy with whom circumstances have forced her to bond.
Tibi grates ago fabellae novae, habeo huius monere. Ave atque vale, Lector
7/25/2010 c1 TralfamadoreUndone
Hmm,nice start.Just don't abandon the fic..there are some veela life debt stories out there,but a good Harry\Fleur fic is always appreciated.Subscribing to the story... :]
Hmm,nice start.Just don't abandon the fic..there are some veela life debt stories out there,but a good Harry\Fleur fic is always appreciated.Subscribing to the story... :]
7/25/2010 c1 TNT220
I don't mind teasers for sotires that seems to be bad, but when a story has so much promise as yours i HATE teasers :-)
It seems like you are putting a great deal into Fleur's character and I love it. The storyline sounds promising and it really drags the erader in..
Please start posting the story soon (read now :-) ) I want to read it..
Thanks
I don't mind teasers for sotires that seems to be bad, but when a story has so much promise as yours i HATE teasers :-)
It seems like you are putting a great deal into Fleur's character and I love it. The storyline sounds promising and it really drags the erader in..
Please start posting the story soon (read now :-) ) I want to read it..
Thanks