for You Make Me Feel So Young5/4/2020 c1 Clare
Great short story, although I hope you return and make this into a longer thing or post some new som fics, because you write very well indeed and I enjoyed reading this :)
Great short story, although I hope you return and make this into a longer thing or post some new som fics, because you write very well indeed and I enjoyed reading this :)
4/20/2015 c1 UnfollowTheSun
This is great, you should get rid of the last line though, maybe let the children catch up to them and interrupt their little moment, then carry on writing more chapters instead of it being a one-shot. You write well and should continue :)
This is great, you should get rid of the last line though, maybe let the children catch up to them and interrupt their little moment, then carry on writing more chapters instead of it being a one-shot. You write well and should continue :)
8/6/2010 c1 
10ForeverJulie
Although this was very sweet and cute and not completely farfetched, I did think it was a bit out of character for them to be so familiar with each other while not having openly acknowledged their feelings and whatnot. Also, it seems as though the Captain has internally come to terms with his feelings (at least physical, if not emotional) for Maria...yet again, this is clearly set before their engagement. I think this story would be much more fitting and in character if they were already engaged.
On a grammatical note, every once in a while you seem to lapse into the wrong tense. It isn't often, but it can distract from the story nevertheless. I would suggest getting a beta to smooth out those little details.
10ForeverJulieAlthough this was very sweet and cute and not completely farfetched, I did think it was a bit out of character for them to be so familiar with each other while not having openly acknowledged their feelings and whatnot. Also, it seems as though the Captain has internally come to terms with his feelings (at least physical, if not emotional) for Maria...yet again, this is clearly set before their engagement. I think this story would be much more fitting and in character if they were already engaged.
On a grammatical note, every once in a while you seem to lapse into the wrong tense. It isn't often, but it can distract from the story nevertheless. I would suggest getting a beta to smooth out those little details.