
8/15/2010 c2 O-o
Very well written. I look forward to additional chapters. There's only one really thing you need to work on. Every time a character speaks, it starts a new paragraph.
Example:
Sakura heard Sasuke gasp slightly beside her. She gave him a questioning glance, but noticed that he was staring at the approaching person with shock on his face. "It can't be..." he said with a disbelieving expression on his face. It was the most emotion she had seen on his face in an entire year. "Sasuke? What's wrong?" she asked the Sharigan wielder. He didn't answer, but Sakura didn't notice for in that moment the approaching figure stepped into their campsite and was illuminated by the flickering light from their campfire. The light illuminated features she never really expected to see again. Her eyes widened and she stared at the features with complete and utter disbelief.
That's what you wrote. It should be:
Sakura heard Sasuke gasp slightly beside her. She gave him a questioning glance, but noticed that he was staring at the approaching person with shock on his face.
"It can't be..." he said with a disbelieving expression on his face. It was the most emotion she had seen on his face in an entire year.
"Sasuke? What's wrong?" she asked the Sharigan wielder. He didn't answer, but Sakura didn't notice for in that moment the approaching figure stepped into their campsite and was illuminated by the flickering light from their campfire. The light illuminated features she never really expected to see again. Her eyes widened and she stared at the features with complete and utter disbelief.
Get it? Other than that, the story is wonderful. Spelling and other grammar is spot-on. Keep up the good work!
Very well written. I look forward to additional chapters. There's only one really thing you need to work on. Every time a character speaks, it starts a new paragraph.
Example:
Sakura heard Sasuke gasp slightly beside her. She gave him a questioning glance, but noticed that he was staring at the approaching person with shock on his face. "It can't be..." he said with a disbelieving expression on his face. It was the most emotion she had seen on his face in an entire year. "Sasuke? What's wrong?" she asked the Sharigan wielder. He didn't answer, but Sakura didn't notice for in that moment the approaching figure stepped into their campsite and was illuminated by the flickering light from their campfire. The light illuminated features she never really expected to see again. Her eyes widened and she stared at the features with complete and utter disbelief.
That's what you wrote. It should be:
Sakura heard Sasuke gasp slightly beside her. She gave him a questioning glance, but noticed that he was staring at the approaching person with shock on his face.
"It can't be..." he said with a disbelieving expression on his face. It was the most emotion she had seen on his face in an entire year.
"Sasuke? What's wrong?" she asked the Sharigan wielder. He didn't answer, but Sakura didn't notice for in that moment the approaching figure stepped into their campsite and was illuminated by the flickering light from their campfire. The light illuminated features she never really expected to see again. Her eyes widened and she stared at the features with complete and utter disbelief.
Get it? Other than that, the story is wonderful. Spelling and other grammar is spot-on. Keep up the good work!
8/15/2010 c2 Chukk
This is good!
I can't wait to see what's going to happen next!
Continue!
~Spunky 2.0
This is good!
I can't wait to see what's going to happen next!
Continue!
~Spunky 2.0
8/14/2010 c2
27Sapphire09
this is a good story! I would love to see what happens next :)
Keep writing!

this is a good story! I would love to see what happens next :)
Keep writing!
8/14/2010 c2 soccernin19
Great chapter i really liked it. you did a good job with the chacters personalities keep up the good work
Great chapter i really liked it. you did a good job with the chacters personalities keep up the good work
8/13/2010 c1 ThePayneEffect
first chapter was complete suspense... nice touch on introducing the story
cant wait to find out how u play it out...
first chapter was complete suspense... nice touch on introducing the story
cant wait to find out how u play it out...
8/13/2010 c2 jc
Great job! I loved that it was in Sakura's POV lol. I only like her POV better because it's nice to know how she's feeling for a change, what she's thinking. It's always so obvious how Naruto's feeling so i like it when Sakura is thinking about her feeling for Naruto and stuff like that lol. Just thought i should explain myself. Anyways, i liked it and to me this seemed realistic. :)
Great job! I loved that it was in Sakura's POV lol. I only like her POV better because it's nice to know how she's feeling for a change, what she's thinking. It's always so obvious how Naruto's feeling so i like it when Sakura is thinking about her feeling for Naruto and stuff like that lol. Just thought i should explain myself. Anyways, i liked it and to me this seemed realistic. :)
8/13/2010 c2
2Rise Against713
Great story. definitely realistic. One question though, how old is everybody?
Anyway fantastic start. can't wait to see more

Great story. definitely realistic. One question though, how old is everybody?
Anyway fantastic start. can't wait to see more
8/13/2010 c2 Collussess
Can't wait for the next chapter, really realistic, yu gotta keep up the good the work. too many mesterys left on where the kyubi disapeared and from whom exactly naruto was trying to run away from. Gotta update soon
Can't wait for the next chapter, really realistic, yu gotta keep up the good the work. too many mesterys left on where the kyubi disapeared and from whom exactly naruto was trying to run away from. Gotta update soon
8/13/2010 c2 T00STr00nG
Does he have the kyuubi or not? It is realistic. But how old is everyone in this? Update soon!
Does he have the kyuubi or not? It is realistic. But how old is everyone in this? Update soon!
8/13/2010 c1 hoping
next please...
next please...
8/13/2010 c1 Collussess
you should most definately continue with the story, sounds realy interesting. can't wait for your next chapter :)
you should most definately continue with the story, sounds realy interesting. can't wait for your next chapter :)