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10/12/2011 c5 74Artemis J. Halk
This is actually a really original and creative idea. Most of the Twilight stuff that I read is pretty much all of the same, so much so that I can predict what'll happen, even if I've never read it.

That doesn't mean that this isn't the best story, though. The chapters are much too short- there's nothing wrong with having short chapters, but every single chapter (with the exception of the prologue) was shorter than the one before it. That's not good. I know that you're probably super busy with school or work or a combo of the two of them, but trust me when I say this: readers will better appreciate longer chapters with more time between updates rather than short chapters that just kinda seem like you threw it together and then posted it up without much editing. Like the last chapter, with the random paragraphs that just ran together.

Over all, if you plan on keeping this, but doing a re-write, might I also suggest getting rid of the prologue? It doesn't really add much to the story and, over all, it just confused me. SHOW the readers that Silvia is super smart and super talented- don't just tell us. SHOW us that her team consists of Jacob, Seth, Alec and Felix, don't just tell us. SHOW us what's going on- don't just tell us!

Anyway, please let me know if you decide to do a re-write of this, because I'd like to see it. There are not enough really original Twilight fics on this site, and I like to encourage the ones worth seeing.

Hope you have a great day,

Artemis J. Halk
4/21/2011 c5 WolfAlpha13
UPDATE ASAP PLEASE! :)
12/5/2010 c5 2govolturialecbella
I love this story please write more
11/14/2010 c4 2thethe2020
Very cool I hope you update again soon. You have a really cool story going on here.
11/13/2010 c4 2TheSilenced
awesome sis! I like your style, it's not everyday I see this!
8/30/2010 c2 Eris1031
Interesting, please update.
8/10/2010 c2 2Sammieexx
I love the idea and cant wait to see how the story develops!

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