for Before Remembering a prequel to Please Remember Me8/10/2010 c2 
8Sassyvampmama
I like the way this chapter reads, and don't worry, as your number of readers pick up, so will your reviews. It's like a snowball effect.
I have to say, I like the glimpse into Pam's background. Very enlightening.
8SassyvampmamaI like the way this chapter reads, and don't worry, as your number of readers pick up, so will your reviews. It's like a snowball effect.
I have to say, I like the glimpse into Pam's background. Very enlightening.
8/9/2010 c1 11LoveFangs91
Hey!
Sorry it took me so long to review this piece, i know i'd say i'd do it days ago. :)
I thought this was a very good portrayal of Eric's pov and i really enjoyed reading it. I spotted a few little things so i'll get them out of the way first, they're all near the beginning *shrug* i just didn't pick up on anything further on.
Be careful with your tenses, there some points that seem to be a mix of past and present but it's nothing major.
"Yes, though I do not understand why I woke at Sookie's home and not my own." I asked - this isn't a question so 'stated, said, murmured, growled' you know what i mean i hope.
o her? Pam -needs closing speech marks
stubborn mule" she - you need a comma or full stop just before the closing speech marks
you feed tonigh - i think the 'feed' here should be 'fed', the more i think though, the more confused i get
And i noticed at some point you had 'were' instead of 'Were' and i got it confused for 'were' as in 'the dogs were runnign around'. Okay, that doesn't make much sense but i can't figure out how to explain it better.
You have much improved speech though, it greatly improved the flow of the piece and it's much easier to follow.
The entire piece had a good flow, almost running like thoughts, you could see how messed up the experience made him. Good use of capitals to portray the stronger emotions. I really enjoyed reading this. I can't wait to read some more and other stuff of yours, i hope there's more in the pipeline!
Natalie
*hugs*
11LoveFangs91Hey!
Sorry it took me so long to review this piece, i know i'd say i'd do it days ago. :)
I thought this was a very good portrayal of Eric's pov and i really enjoyed reading it. I spotted a few little things so i'll get them out of the way first, they're all near the beginning *shrug* i just didn't pick up on anything further on.
Be careful with your tenses, there some points that seem to be a mix of past and present but it's nothing major.
"Yes, though I do not understand why I woke at Sookie's home and not my own." I asked - this isn't a question so 'stated, said, murmured, growled' you know what i mean i hope.
o her? Pam -needs closing speech marks
stubborn mule" she - you need a comma or full stop just before the closing speech marks
you feed tonigh - i think the 'feed' here should be 'fed', the more i think though, the more confused i get
And i noticed at some point you had 'were' instead of 'Were' and i got it confused for 'were' as in 'the dogs were runnign around'. Okay, that doesn't make much sense but i can't figure out how to explain it better.
You have much improved speech though, it greatly improved the flow of the piece and it's much easier to follow.
The entire piece had a good flow, almost running like thoughts, you could see how messed up the experience made him. Good use of capitals to portray the stronger emotions. I really enjoyed reading this. I can't wait to read some more and other stuff of yours, i hope there's more in the pipeline!
Natalie
*hugs*
8/9/2010 c1 8AF101
*be's intrigued* great start! And I especially liked that you might be continuing this? ... looking forward to the next!
8AF101*be's intrigued* great start! And I especially liked that you might be continuing this? ... looking forward to the next!
8/7/2010 c1 4svmfan1
Fantastic job on this prequel. I felt Eric's torment and frustration. I'm glad that you didn't have him screwing every fangbanger to try to get Sookie off his mind. This Eric knew he had true feelings, but unfortunately was not willing to accept them.. Glad Sookie's heartache with Pam got to him. You really are a wonderful story teller and for sure have the best help with SassyVampMama! Thanks and look foward to more.
4svmfan1Fantastic job on this prequel. I felt Eric's torment and frustration. I'm glad that you didn't have him screwing every fangbanger to try to get Sookie off his mind. This Eric knew he had true feelings, but unfortunately was not willing to accept them.. Glad Sookie's heartache with Pam got to him. You really are a wonderful story teller and for sure have the best help with SassyVampMama! Thanks and look foward to more.
8/7/2010 c1 12Honeypop
Splendid!
It was such a tough time for them both. They both put on a brave face, and I loved how your Eric reacted, going to watch over her, and the longing he felt for his Sookie.
Big hugs!
12HoneypopSplendid!
It was such a tough time for them both. They both put on a brave face, and I loved how your Eric reacted, going to watch over her, and the longing he felt for his Sookie.
Big hugs!
8/6/2010 c1 VAlady
Crap.. your first story made me cry.. and you've done it again. Thank goodness I know they end up together after all this angst.
Crap.. your first story made me cry.. and you've done it again. Thank goodness I know they end up together after all this angst.
8/6/2010 c1 19kjwrit
I LURVE Eric POVs! I wish CH would do a companion book with nothing but his point of view, but I won't hold my breath. I can't wait to read more from you young lady! Love it!
19kjwritI LURVE Eric POVs! I wish CH would do a companion book with nothing but his point of view, but I won't hold my breath. I can't wait to read more from you young lady! Love it!
8/6/2010 c1 CindyKay
That was really great! Your stories both have so much emotion written into them. Thanks for writing!
Cindy
That was really great! Your stories both have so much emotion written into them. Thanks for writing!
Cindy
8/6/2010 c1 8Sassyvampmama
I loved the look into Eric's mind in this chapter. I can't wait to see where you take them from here.
8SassyvampmamaI loved the look into Eric's mind in this chapter. I can't wait to see where you take them from here.