
8/9/2010 c1
1VanillaIce1
hahaha nevermind.. you've already posted the new version!
wow... i must say this one is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY better than the other version.
there is a much better flow, and transition throughout each paragraph and section.
im only a little confused on the when during the training trip the chapter ended at? it sounds like it is between year 2 and 3... right?
hmm... spending this time working with mei will bring her abilities and "abilities" quite into focus for naruto... lol
i must say though... the choice of women for the harem is interesting...
1) fellow demon container (a demon-ess maybe?)
2) a kage... with a crazy bloodline
3) the "angel" of ame
4) the princess of spring/snow
hmmmm blond, red, blue, black?... he's missing a brown/ brunette... lol (can i make a suggestion? PLEASE?-I'll PM so if you dont like it you can ignore it)
but yea... i can see where and how now you've left room for TONS of possibilities for naruto to grow and develop.
high five! this looks to be pretty awesome (again)

hahaha nevermind.. you've already posted the new version!
wow... i must say this one is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY better than the other version.
there is a much better flow, and transition throughout each paragraph and section.
im only a little confused on the when during the training trip the chapter ended at? it sounds like it is between year 2 and 3... right?
hmm... spending this time working with mei will bring her abilities and "abilities" quite into focus for naruto... lol
i must say though... the choice of women for the harem is interesting...
1) fellow demon container (a demon-ess maybe?)
2) a kage... with a crazy bloodline
3) the "angel" of ame
4) the princess of spring/snow
hmmmm blond, red, blue, black?... he's missing a brown/ brunette... lol (can i make a suggestion? PLEASE?-I'll PM so if you dont like it you can ignore it)
but yea... i can see where and how now you've left room for TONS of possibilities for naruto to grow and develop.
high five! this looks to be pretty awesome (again)
8/9/2010 c1 JKArcanus
I like the rewrite very much so far, and I agree with the modification/trimming down of the harem...good selections there, especially with him gaining his battle experience fighting in the Kiri civil war. Remark is definitely extranneous in this case with yugito in the mix, so good to leave her for shika (who I love btw and highly recommend as naruto's new best friend upon return to konoha...he also makes a good candidate for one of the hokages advisors once naruto takes the hat alongside with tsunade and jiraiya if they dont die...the current geezers can't be in that position foever and even if they weren't old each Kate really should pick their own. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble; keep up the great work.
I like the rewrite very much so far, and I agree with the modification/trimming down of the harem...good selections there, especially with him gaining his battle experience fighting in the Kiri civil war. Remark is definitely extranneous in this case with yugito in the mix, so good to leave her for shika (who I love btw and highly recommend as naruto's new best friend upon return to konoha...he also makes a good candidate for one of the hokages advisors once naruto takes the hat alongside with tsunade and jiraiya if they dont die...the current geezers can't be in that position foever and even if they weren't old each Kate really should pick their own. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble; keep up the great work.
8/9/2010 c1
8Dragon Force Ranger
Awesome! I was a little disappointed that you were taking down the original but this new story seems to have just as much creativity to it as the original. I like how this one has more of a explanation to it and details into Naruto's training with Jiraiya.
Keep Up the good Work!

Awesome! I was a little disappointed that you were taking down the original but this new story seems to have just as much creativity to it as the original. I like how this one has more of a explanation to it and details into Naruto's training with Jiraiya.
Keep Up the good Work!
8/9/2010 c1 greed
sorry about the bad spelling english is not my first langage
sorry about the bad spelling english is not my first langage
8/9/2010 c1 greed
i also think your harem you should use the just the kumo girls and konan kari samui yugi it could be done as political marrigge to make stronger ties between kumo and leaf
i also think your harem you should use the just the kumo girls and konan kari samui yugi it could be done as political marrigge to make stronger ties between kumo and leaf
8/9/2010 c1 greed
ok i like your story so far but have to say your harem wont work for mei or koyuki for the simple fact that meis a kaege
koyuki is the lord of sonw it would be immpossible for them to
ever spend time togeter like lets say they marreid one of them would have to give up there positon to live with the other and at moment the only one who could do that is naruto
but he wont beacasue he wants to hokage so how in hell would that relitonship work if the are fucking leaders of their own countries i dont think mei or koyyuki are gonig to abandon there people after all the shit they did to get were they are it sure hell woudnt work with them all toghter in a harem
ok i like your story so far but have to say your harem wont work for mei or koyuki for the simple fact that meis a kaege
koyuki is the lord of sonw it would be immpossible for them to
ever spend time togeter like lets say they marreid one of them would have to give up there positon to live with the other and at moment the only one who could do that is naruto
but he wont beacasue he wants to hokage so how in hell would that relitonship work if the are fucking leaders of their own countries i dont think mei or koyyuki are gonig to abandon there people after all the shit they did to get were they are it sure hell woudnt work with them all toghter in a harem