FanFiction.Net
Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Beautiful Sunsets

12/28/2013 c1 29CatLover444
Very Sweet!
7/5/2011 c1 Ryuketsu no Hana
me encanto
2/10/2011 c1 24ObsessedwReading
I can't wait until you write more yugioh 5d's fanfics. This is amazing like all of your stories I've read so far.
11/18/2010 c1 BlackRoseWitchAkiza
Summary Sucks sorry being blunt but thats me HeartlessBlackRoseWitchAkiza that me XD.
10/3/2010 c1 accountabandonedpermanently
Not bad. Rather short, but still sweet. The plot is rather simple and a bit cliche, but you pulled it off. It's one of the btter Yusei/Aki fics I've read.

Word choice is nice. Description is almost a bit over the top, but otherwise it was enjoyable to read. There were a few small touches that were cute- Jack taking the twins to an amusement park, and the dialogue was a bit off but still good as a whole.

A bit of nitpicking, though- I do think that this is a fic about Aki and Yusei, but in the character pairing it's says that the main characters are Aki. I & YĆ«ji. Might want to fix that.

'Akiza rested her elbows and the ledge, relaxed.'

The 'and' should be 'on'.

Also, '"Crow and Jack took the twins to an amusement park," he replied and stood next to her and turned his gaze toward the ocean.'

After his dialogue, it's a bit of a runon. There are a lot of 'and's. It could be smoother if the sentence was divided in two, like this:

'"Crow and Jack took the twins to an amusement park," he replied. He stood next to her and turned his gaze toward the ocean.'

That's it though. Nice job.

The Literate Fangirl
9/23/2010 c1 2the hipsters have the phonebox
Cute, but 1. her name's aki (4kids messed it up), and 2. When does this happen?
8/11/2010 c1 21Cosmic Guardian
very heart warming. :)
8/11/2010 c1 2RunoandAkizafan
Cute ;D

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service