for bad timing7/3/2011 c1 Concerned Reader
Umm...so like-I think you need to like go back and read this story AGAIN! Half of the sentences do not make sense...like you've left words out, resulting in nothing but a lot of words on a page. Maybe you should like go buy a dictionary and learn to use it...like you really have no concept of the English language-like not capitalizing words, using the wrong homophone, and like using "like" way too much. Do I need to post what these big words mean so little kids like you can understand what I am saying?
Umm...so like-I think you need to like go back and read this story AGAIN! Half of the sentences do not make sense...like you've left words out, resulting in nothing but a lot of words on a page. Maybe you should like go buy a dictionary and learn to use it...like you really have no concept of the English language-like not capitalizing words, using the wrong homophone, and like using "like" way too much. Do I need to post what these big words mean so little kids like you can understand what I am saying?
12/24/2010 c7 
7Guardian2Be
Kewl luv it I wanna no wat they did to dream boy!
All the best,
Guardian2Be
7Guardian2BeKewl luv it I wanna no wat they did to dream boy!
All the best,
Guardian2Be
12/19/2010 c1 7UnnaturalKetchupTaco
Your writing style is dry and boring. You keep /telling/ us what's going on, and not showing us. In the first seven paragraphs, you start with 'I' six times.
I ran towards and quickly got in.]
Got in what? The next paragraph clear that up a bit, but it was not previously stated that she was taking a shower. And, really, if she was going to be late to work/school/training, would Rose really take time for a ten minute shower? Seems pretty OOC.
Your grammar could be worse, but you don't know how to insert dialogue properly into a paragraph, or how to set it off with commas.
Other than that, not terribly bad. Cliche, yes. Boring, yes. OOC, very. It could be worse.
7UnnaturalKetchupTacoYour writing style is dry and boring. You keep /telling/ us what's going on, and not showing us. In the first seven paragraphs, you start with 'I' six times.
I ran towards and quickly got in.]
Got in what? The next paragraph clear that up a bit, but it was not previously stated that she was taking a shower. And, really, if she was going to be late to work/school/training, would Rose really take time for a ten minute shower? Seems pretty OOC.
Your grammar could be worse, but you don't know how to insert dialogue properly into a paragraph, or how to set it off with commas.
Other than that, not terribly bad. Cliche, yes. Boring, yes. OOC, very. It could be worse.
12/14/2010 c7 gracey
there I'm reviewing. pleeeeaaaaasssssseeeee kepp going
there I'm reviewing. pleeeeaaaaasssssseeeee kepp going
10/24/2010 c1 Nicia
lol Adrians reaction made me giggle :D I can't wait to read the rest; and thank you for adding True Love to your faves list! xx
lol Adrians reaction made me giggle :D I can't wait to read the rest; and thank you for adding True Love to your faves list! xx
9/19/2010 c5 littlebeachhut
If I had dimitri in detention he woulndt have time to talk. I'd have him very very busy... with me... hhahaha
If I had dimitri in detention he woulndt have time to talk. I'd have him very very busy... with me... hhahaha
9/19/2010 c3 littlebeachhut
Ok, I'm sure whatever you have in store will send dimitri to the shrink. hahaha.
Ok, I'm sure whatever you have in store will send dimitri to the shrink. hahaha.