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8/29/2015 c1 156Frontline
It's an interesting concept, especially re-uniting the Doctor and Ace. It is fast-paced and gets to the action very quickly.

For me, it is your dialogue that lets it down. It is a little stilted and heavy on exposition. Also, you need to be more consistent with your punctuation. Still, an enjoyable read.
1/27/2014 c3 15fanfictioncollection2013
This is great. I was hooked from chapter 1, and it just got better and better as the story unfolded. I loved it that cybermen were in it and you write Davros really well. This is great fic and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
9/10/2010 c3 dr100
An exciting little chapter! I really like your own creations, the 'Unrest', very spooky and might I add you Eighth Doctor characterisation is spot on, I could easily imagine the Doctor pleading to Ace that he didn't mean to harm her...
9/6/2010 c3 24Aietradaea
Ooh, most mysterious...

Davros is EPIC! :D I like your dialogue for him, too - it seems very in-character. Nice work on that! And the Unrest seem pretty sinister... You do keep your readers guessing with your baddies, don't you? Cybermen with morals, Davros being helpful (but still somehow remaining epic and villian-y)...and Ace betraying the Doctor (even if she was possessed)!

I like your idea of Tesla 9 - very original. A mobile retirement home in space? Very trippy! (Hey, I'm a prog-rocker - trippy is good. :) )

Dialogue's flowing better than it has in the past - it's not quite so choppy now. I will offer another tip for improvement for it, though: if a character says two things in a row, you could write them without a paragraph break, and you don't necessarily need to reiterate who's speaking. For example:

""Yes it appears there is a room that the excess of energy seems to be stored but the energy unusually seems to conceal the room far better than your average perception filter," Captain Philips spoke coolly

Philips continued in a hoarse whisper "Also the room seems to shift around the ship making it impossible for me and my predecessors to plot,""

...might flow better as something like:

""Yes it appears there is a room that the excess of energy seems to be stored but the energy unusually seems to conceal the room far better than your average perception filter," Captain Philips spoke coolly. He continued in a hoarse whisper: "Also the room seems to shift around the ship making it impossible for me and my predecessors to plot.""

Also, several actions by one character can be in one paragraph, too - for example, maybe the beginning of chapter three could read something like:

"For what seemed liked hours the Doctor was curiously pondering that a past companion could betray him, and became an enemy also the even more sinister thought that she was doing this from the afterlife. He walked along the long empty corridors skittishly jumping at every sound. Suddenly, he saw a window immersed in a thick red frost a single glowing dark cold eye unblinking at him."

I love all the descriptive language you use - it really brings stuff to life and gives some emotion to it. The emotion at the end of chapter three was good, too. Sweet and sad. (This is the first Eight/Ace pairing I've read.) The variety in the way the characters speak definitely helps to picture the mood of the scene.

Hope my (rather long) review has been helpful - keep it up! :)
9/5/2010 c3 nomorenames
Aw, she didn't come back. But she'll be remembered forever in Time. Excellent. And the Unrest was quite cool, too.
9/5/2010 c3 28Son of Whitebeard
Comment and rate the final chapter of my story?

Story Note:

The Unrest are going to be recurring enemy
9/4/2010 c2 squidgyalien
I like how you've used davros in this :D good work keep going :D
9/4/2010 c2 nomorenames
Crikey, how many enemies can you fit in one story? And Ace had better come back, or I won't.

Thanks for sticking with 'Surrounded', I'll keep this one in alerts.
9/1/2010 c2 dr100
That was quite something,I enjoyed the end of this chapter immensly! Quite suspensful and exciting still!
8/26/2010 c1 nomorenames
Hi! Just popping in, I felt guilty...

I like quite a few things about this story - firstly, the return of Ace. I liked her laser pistol. Second - 'mobile retirement home in space'. Very Doctor Who. Lastly - the 8th Doctor. His fandom is so underdone it almost hurts, and I like that you've written for him.

And, of course, the Cybermen. I would like to know where this is going...
8/25/2010 c1 dr100
Very good, very interesting, and just a superb read. I look forward to where you take this next, and Cybermen - duh duh duh, but how odd also.

I like the way you tell a story and your detailing of events is so vivid, which is a quality where you can never put a foot wrong! think it's really very good so far, and love the title. Keep going with it, and I'll look out for updates!
8/25/2010 c1 Son of Whitebeard
comment and rate on Tesla 9!

No flames, but I do accept criticism.

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