for Hell Cocks7/30/2015 c1 lee
Please update
Please update
3/12/2013 c1 
1MrNeedsToRemoveAllFavs
I have no idea what the hell is going on here dude. Run on sentences, what I can only presume are missing words, words that make no sense in the middle of sentences, all sorts of grammar problems, no real coherence of anything resembling a plot.
You NEED either to rewrite this or get a beta reader that can understand where you're coming from.
As it is you jump around a lot, and half the time don't go into anything enough for me to realize what's happening. All I can get out of this is that Kushina is a horrid bisexual (?) uncaring bitch completely unfit for raising a child, she's some sort of vampire, for some reason fell in love with Minato but also hated him (which is a lolwut moment), has Anko and maybe another woman as her slave/lover/childe, and Naruto's used to being naked and fucking even though everyone hates him.
1MrNeedsToRemoveAllFavsI have no idea what the hell is going on here dude. Run on sentences, what I can only presume are missing words, words that make no sense in the middle of sentences, all sorts of grammar problems, no real coherence of anything resembling a plot.
You NEED either to rewrite this or get a beta reader that can understand where you're coming from.
As it is you jump around a lot, and half the time don't go into anything enough for me to realize what's happening. All I can get out of this is that Kushina is a horrid bisexual (?) uncaring bitch completely unfit for raising a child, she's some sort of vampire, for some reason fell in love with Minato but also hated him (which is a lolwut moment), has Anko and maybe another woman as her slave/lover/childe, and Naruto's used to being naked and fucking even though everyone hates him.
8/24/2012 c1 Doctor Dandy
What? Fuck kushina, she's nothing but trash. You don't keep that shit hidden for years and let your kid get beaten. You sir, are a certified idiot...
What? Fuck kushina, she's nothing but trash. You don't keep that shit hidden for years and let your kid get beaten. You sir, are a certified idiot...
6/14/2011 c1 huhu
Only good thing in this fic ... is this epic quote "Sorry Sakura...I got my dick stuck up your mom's ass." ... it's really epic.
Only good thing in this fic ... is this epic quote "Sorry Sakura...I got my dick stuck up your mom's ass." ... it's really epic.
5/26/2011 c1 20Blood Brandy
Okay, not the greatest, and could probably do with a re-write, but definitely worth it just for that line, "I got my dick stuck up your mom's ass"
20Blood BrandyOkay, not the greatest, and could probably do with a re-write, but definitely worth it just for that line, "I got my dick stuck up your mom's ass"