for Black Magic Woman9/13/2011 c1 Guest
That's it? I'm hungry for more!
That's it? I'm hungry for more!
2/26/2011 c1 
8War Journalist
Excellent first chapter. Hellboy is perfect; very matter of fact, yet polite. Good relationship-building with the two brothers, and the intro to the plot. Cleverly-written, as well. Tin Shoes and Mandini were fun to read. Just a few problems. 1: It's a tiny bit long for a first chapter. 2: There were quite a few typos about, both in the dialogue and the descriptions. 3: There's no second chapter! Haha. Honestly, though. I hope you continue this story. It's a great read.
8War JournalistExcellent first chapter. Hellboy is perfect; very matter of fact, yet polite. Good relationship-building with the two brothers, and the intro to the plot. Cleverly-written, as well. Tin Shoes and Mandini were fun to read. Just a few problems. 1: It's a tiny bit long for a first chapter. 2: There were quite a few typos about, both in the dialogue and the descriptions. 3: There's no second chapter! Haha. Honestly, though. I hope you continue this story. It's a great read.
11/21/2010 c1 PingPongPanda
Good job on the story, the characters are well written, and the setting is just perfect. A great Hellboy fic!
Good job on the story, the characters are well written, and the setting is just perfect. A great Hellboy fic!
11/8/2010 c1 5Kodachi Claws
Hey!
It's hard to find Hellboy stories based on the comics, and I was very pleased with what I found. This fic is very much on par with the short stories featured in the Odd Jobs series (if you ever read them). It also feels authentic, as the usage of Voodoo in your story does not seem to come out of nowhere. Did you live in New Orleans at some point in your life, or did you have to do a lot of research?
Anyway, I hope you come out with another chapter soon, as I'm looking forward to it. Wouldn't mind if this turns out to be a short story, or a long story (provided it's good, of course). Should you make this a short story, I hope you'll make more in the future!
5Kodachi ClawsHey!
It's hard to find Hellboy stories based on the comics, and I was very pleased with what I found. This fic is very much on par with the short stories featured in the Odd Jobs series (if you ever read them). It also feels authentic, as the usage of Voodoo in your story does not seem to come out of nowhere. Did you live in New Orleans at some point in your life, or did you have to do a lot of research?
Anyway, I hope you come out with another chapter soon, as I'm looking forward to it. Wouldn't mind if this turns out to be a short story, or a long story (provided it's good, of course). Should you make this a short story, I hope you'll make more in the future!
10/4/2010 c1 9MyMusesSpeakToMe
It's always good to see a comic verse HB story. You've certainly covered a lot in one chapter and you have me ready and willing for more! I loved the description and you've kept Hellboy in character here. Nice work!
9MyMusesSpeakToMeIt's always good to see a comic verse HB story. You've certainly covered a lot in one chapter and you have me ready and willing for more! I loved the description and you've kept Hellboy in character here. Nice work!
9/30/2010 c1 4Joelle Hart
Nice set-up to the new story. My favorite part is the introduction of Tin Shoes - was a colorful little vignette, gives a good flavor for the setting and fits in well with Hellboy-verse. And the last couple lines made me smile and made a good close to the chapter. I also appreciated the details of Hellboy's procedures that you write, as always - like the matter-of-fact way he covers the mirrors.
The emotional development about the brothers' relationships to each other and Josh's to his wife feels a bit rushed. Their meeting with Hellboy as children is sweet. Although, I have to note that he wouldn't really have been a child - he joined the Bureau in '52 and was fully grown at that point, so at the age of seven it's probable he was not a child anymore. Although maybe that's what you meant by the line, "Bite me. I've always been huge and red" (that line made me laugh).
There are a few misused words. The phrases "defiantly real," "woke up one mourning," and "I'm here on busy" look like just typos, so be careful of that. But, you use the word "filial" to describe Josh twice - but "filial" means "of, relating to, or befitting a son or daughter" - so by using that word you are really saying the opposite of what you mean! Always have a dictionary handy - I have Merriam Webster's online dictionary search on my computer.
Also, there is more profanity in this story than in others. Generally, there isn't anything non-radio-safe in Hellboy-verse - I guess Ben Damio spit out some stuff sometimes - but it feels uncharacteristic to the 'verse to include hard swearing.
I'm glad to see you're still writing.
4Joelle HartNice set-up to the new story. My favorite part is the introduction of Tin Shoes - was a colorful little vignette, gives a good flavor for the setting and fits in well with Hellboy-verse. And the last couple lines made me smile and made a good close to the chapter. I also appreciated the details of Hellboy's procedures that you write, as always - like the matter-of-fact way he covers the mirrors.
The emotional development about the brothers' relationships to each other and Josh's to his wife feels a bit rushed. Their meeting with Hellboy as children is sweet. Although, I have to note that he wouldn't really have been a child - he joined the Bureau in '52 and was fully grown at that point, so at the age of seven it's probable he was not a child anymore. Although maybe that's what you meant by the line, "Bite me. I've always been huge and red" (that line made me laugh).
There are a few misused words. The phrases "defiantly real," "woke up one mourning," and "I'm here on busy" look like just typos, so be careful of that. But, you use the word "filial" to describe Josh twice - but "filial" means "of, relating to, or befitting a son or daughter" - so by using that word you are really saying the opposite of what you mean! Always have a dictionary handy - I have Merriam Webster's online dictionary search on my computer.
Also, there is more profanity in this story than in others. Generally, there isn't anything non-radio-safe in Hellboy-verse - I guess Ben Damio spit out some stuff sometimes - but it feels uncharacteristic to the 'verse to include hard swearing.
I'm glad to see you're still writing.