Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for When It Rains It Pours

10/11/2010 c5 Pu7o
Hm, neat. Glad to see they didn't break up.
10/10/2010 c4 1Ranma-sama
I wonder if Ranma will eventually seriously consider Herb's offer, he definitely seemed sincere about allowing Ranma time to be male should she wish it. Also, if Ranma is stuck as a girl, then we'll see if Akane can really handle a yuri relationship or whether that breaks down and Herb is all that's left.

So many maybe's, I look forward to reading more.
10/10/2010 c4 Pu7o
I really hope you don't have Ranma and Akane break up over the bracer thing. Having to give up his manhood just to keep RyƓga human isn't something Ranma would take well at all.
10/10/2010 c4 1InknKey
great storytelling, and I cant wait for Ranma to get back.
10/10/2010 c4 3tuatara
So far, I'm enjoying this one a lot more than your other story. Good job! But I do hope you're kinder to Ranma and Akane's relationship than you were in the other one. That bummed me out a bit. Unless you were seriously considering pairing Ranma with Herb...that would be bizarre enough to be worth reading!
10/9/2010 c1 Ranmachanisme
HI

I like your story of when it rains it pours and I find it to be entertaining to read. Thank you for creating it. I do hope you continue writing more chapters of it, I find myself waiting to see how Ranma-chan help Ryouga.

I also love your other story where Ranma is a witch / goddess / ice dragon but I do think you made her too tall. 5 foot 6 inches is not an average for a woman. The average height for a woman in america is 5 feet 4 inches and for a woman in japan it is 5 feet 2 inches. I am barely 5 feet. I am allowed to cheat a little to get to 5 feet. So anyway my point is you really did well with her wanting to open the cabinet doors without standing on a chair or a step stool, but there is nothing wrong about being a little shorter than 5 feet 6 inches. But it is you story and i cannot wait to see where you take it.

thank you for writing it

Janissa
10/8/2010 c3 Jerry Unipeg
GREAT CHAPTER! (*x4) Ranma well give Ryouge the bracer.
10/8/2010 c2 Jerry Unipeg
GREAT CHAPTER! (*x4) Nice traps.
10/8/2010 c1 Jerry Unipeg
GREAT START! (*x4) I am wondering, what well Herb people well go after Ranma?
10/8/2010 c3 1InknKey
I really hope this goes in the direction I think it's going in.
10/6/2010 c2 2BonusPoints
It looks like this will be a fun read, but I'll reiterate an earlier suggestion that you pick up a beta-reader. It would slow your release schedule somewhat, but I think you would get an immense amount of benefit out of it, both in the quality of releases, and in insight towards further improvement of your own writing.

With regards to this chapter, I'm happy to see that you've really cleaned up your formatting. The entire thing is much more visually appealing, and everything is kept quite distinct and separate. The difference in that regard between the first chapter of this story and this second one is as night and day.

You still need to work at improving the breadth of your vocabulary so that you are less restricted in word choice. I'll post one of the more outstanding examples of repetitious language from this chapter.

Ryoga sighed "I am sorry Akane I, was only doing it to make Ranma jealous. I never meant anything perverted by it I swear to you."

Akane sighed "I am not mad.. Thanks to Ranma helping me with my anger issues. He tried to drop me so many clues, and I ignored them."

Ryoga looked at Akane "Are you saying you forgive me?"

Akane looked at the table "I Suppose yes I forgive you. I do have a question for you?"

Ryoga sighed, Akane sighed. Ryoga looked, Akane looked. See the connection?

In the same vein, also try to use descriptors to identify characters from time to time. This, too, adds needed variety.

And, once more, try to add breadth to the descriptions of important elements of your stories.

Herb's a magic-user of some sort? I can gather that easily enough from what you've written, but was that always the case or is it a recent development? If the former, it certainly would have cropped up at some point during the original encounter with the Musk. If the latter, a bit more information on Ranma's experience with/perception of whatever spells were cast that he/she was aware of could be appropriate. Is it visually distinct from chi/ki manipulation? Is it metaphysically distinct from them?

Akane's been getting anger management assistance from Ranma? It would be nice to see a little internal monologue/mental process segment to get a better idea of how Akane reins in her temper, and what the training entailed.

So I'm impressed by your improvement, but there's still more to go. One area that you'll want to pay special attention to is descriptive text; that is to say, remember to add a bit more of it. Good luck, and I look forward to what you write next.
86 « Prev Page 1 .. 3 4 5 6

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service