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for Stuck at an all Girls High School

10/3/2014 c9 crashbandahoot
Hey, I have to say this is the first review I've ever written, and I love your story it has an April Raintree feel to it im not sure if you were intending that but that is my favorite book. Don't be discouraged by one immature delinquent s behavior, I really hope you revamp and repost this!
7/3/2014 c1 I can help
So this is ok right now... Best corse of action is revising the earlier chapters and on the summary say that it's under contruction. The best thing is to not make it all of a sudden like how she went to the school. I think it could be more if you put more info of the background stuff, like
'Sakura walked over to the desk next to Karin's
"(Introduction she gave)" Sakura said while holding a friendly smile
"(Kairin's bitchy reply" as soon as she had said that Sakuras kind smile had transformed into a scowl.
"Excuse me?" She then slammed her hand on Kairins desk
"(You heard me shit)-"
"AHEM!"
They imediatly stoped their argument and sakura proceeded to sit in her seat.

That is kinda what I'm talking about. Not to much on a current topic and stuff. Try and stay intune with the chairicters like naruto being his stupid self and sasuke in his sasuke ways kinda thing BUT GOOD ON MIKOTO! (Please use this advice to help get more readers)

Oh and try and stick with the sumarry too.. It dosent help when it's completely difrent from what the reader thinks.
7/17/2013 c9 meriaanna96
I like the story. It had a good development. Plz continue it.
5/1/2013 c3 sakurangel66
No this story is just no im sorry maybe you should just stop writting this is horrible sorry abou tbeing a bitch about it.
10/16/2012 c1 7ArtemisKid
Okay, so... I have a few points that could help your writing (just constructive criticism... no hating or anything)
- Some of your 'i's are lower cased (just capitalize them), so make sure those are capitalized.
- The part that is "mid back length pail pink hair" - 'pail' is actually spelled pale as you did in the first 'pale' you used.
- The part that is " I have pale skin, mid back length pail pink hair, i have bright green eyes, and I have my ears pierced, i am a tom-boy so i wear will not EVER wear a dress." - This is a run-on because it has more than one clause in it, so try to break the sentence up.
- The part that is "people find me easy to talk to" - 'people' should be capitalized because it's the start of a sentence.
- The part that is "people find me easy to talk to, as i am really friendly and love to help others out, i am a really protective friend, and if someone insults or hurts one of my friends they deal with me." - Again, this is a run-on, so try to make sure that you only have 2 clauses in a sentence.
-The description in the 'Likes' part is also a run-on.
- In the 'Dislikes' part - "men who think women are only good for house work, and doing what there men want." the part that is ", and doing what there men want." is not a compete thought. You should get rid of the comma before the 'and'. Additionally, the 'there' should be 'their'.
- The part that is " 8 months, and 2 weeks ago" - This part should also have no comma before the 'and'.
- The part that is "in a car accident, it is lucky" - it should be a semi-colon instead of a comma after accident.
-"Ashurii- 10 year old male, Foster Brother, Jordy- 5 year old male, Foster Brother" You should make it "10 years old" and "5 years old" (with the s).
- Those are only a few of the mistakes I found. If you are interested, I can go through the whole chapter for you. Just email me the chapter, and I will go over it for you. :) Overall, the plot line for this story was really good (I read this a long time ago... I'm just going over it again. XD) I hope you can work on it sometime soon. :)

Ja for now
ArtemisKid
10/22/2011 c8 3YuukoAzmasaki
Keep on going! It's fun to read! :)
8/20/2011 c8 15Genosha's requieM
Yo, please update this soon
8/3/2011 c8 20ItaSaku1
I love it, this is absolutely fabulous.

The kissing seen was good.

Keep up your stupendous job.

Please Update Soon, I look forward to the next chapter!

~ItaSaku1
8/3/2011 c7 ItaSaku1
"But Aunty Hana is making funny noises and it is annoying!" I'll admit I truly found this part funny.

So is Sakura still thirteen in here or she older?

This is a very interesting chapter!
8/3/2011 c6 ItaSaku1
Ow my gosh I'm going to seriously some how kill Jefu. Makes me wonder if that's what he does to his wife.

Interesting chapter.
8/3/2011 c5 ItaSaku1
Wow totally epic.
8/3/2011 c4 ItaSaku1
OMG! LOve it!
8/3/2011 c3 ItaSaku1
Wow this chapter was full of humor.
8/3/2011 c2 ItaSaku1
Oh my my, intriguing, but her foster family is pure evil.
8/3/2011 c1 ItaSaku1
Wow love it, this sounds very interesting.
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