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for Jasper & Bella

1/29/2016 c1 Mythologygoddess00
10/18/2010 c1 DaydreamingLatinPrincess
You need to fix your grammar mistakes because during the whole time it was hard for me to read your story. I know you copied a few ideas from Midnighters(Cowboy and the name Desdemona) and you need to state that at the end of your story, when you're giving your A/N(Author's note). You also need a disclaimer.

When Edward supposely "died" from Jacob's atttack, I didn't really see the whole plot and point of it. He just died and there was no detail to claim it or enforce it. For that there needs to be a battle or at least more detail, remember, Edward can hear thoughts so he know whats going to happen and Alice is there and she has the gift of recieving visions of the future so how come she couldn't know what was about to happen. Its a fantastical and awesome plot but it could do a whole lot better. I'm not a flammer but fix your story.


I'm truely sorry if I hurt your feeling in any way.

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