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for Shadows of Orre

6/22/2013 c2 2BethanRose
great story :D this is amazing :)
6/22/2013 c1 BethanRose
Great description of the fighting - it is structured really well so it maintains pace as well as allowing the reader to see what Maria is thinking :D
11/23/2010 c2 3littlmiget123
Yay! I like this story. It's good, it's about the Orre region, and it has good detail with few minor errors. I forgot to tell you this last time, but you should have kept Maria's Pokemon quiet, as to add more suspense for her team. But, that's just me. This chapter was good. I definetly wouldn't like to become the champion, since you would bring so much attention to yourself. :/ Portsmouth, huh? I live near a Portsmouth, lol. I don't like attention, lol. Anyways, below are the errors.

'wanting nothing more than to talk to the women who gave birth to me and see her face,' Woman is single, women is plural. XD I'm pretty sure two women can't create a child.

'he stays at the lab working until its well past dark.' Change its to it's. It's stands for it is. Its is possessive.

' "I'll try mother" ' Every time you can replace a noun with a name, you have to capitalize it (I think, I may have this switched around).

' 'Thanks Nurse Joy." ' Replace the apostophe with a quotation mark.

' "You wont." ' Don't forget the apostophe. :)

'a knocked out and perhaps smooched Squritle could be seen' Do you mean squashed? I know you meant smushed, but squashed would be better. ^^

'beginning to spray the potion over Squirtle's body, that you two have potential." ' Replace the comma with a period, and add a quotation mark.

'He wined.' wined to whined.

'Being absolutely bored in the cabin or being chased by crazy fans who didn't get the memo that I didn't want to sigh autographs or fulfill some of their ridiculous requests!' sigh to sign.

So, that's it. This chapter was good. I thought Blaziken was her starter, but turns out it was Meganium. Just don't forget to occasionally flashback to show how Maria got her Pokemon. You don't have to do it for all of them, but one or two would be good. Anyways, can't wait for next chapter. See you then. :)
11/23/2010 c2 1Ein Storm
L-O-V-E-D IT 3 it was FANOMANAL (how ever you spell it)



11/21/2010 c2 7cazcappy
This story is good to begin with so it's not bad. It's interesting and keeps the readers interest. So keep up the good work. I've also subscribed to either you or the story but forget which but either way i'll know when you update. also happy birthday whenever it was I see you changed your profile and your now 15 so congrats. And nice to profile pic as well it looks good but I don't know what that's from but anyways nice job on this story and i'll wait for your next update.
10/26/2010 c1 3littlmiget123
So, here I am! This story, it's very good! It's better than I thought it would be. There isn't a whole lot of spelling errors, which is good, and your grammar and the way you describe things is excellent. Now, I review my stories in a sandwhich kinda way. On the first paragraph, I tell what I liked about the chapter. The second one is the errors in the chapter. And the third one sums up the chapter, blah, blah stuff. But, before you read the errors, I want to mention a few tips.

I noticed you had some trouble with its and it's. I also had trouble with this as well, but someone taught me to use this method. Let's say you're going to write 'Its/It's time to eat!", right? Now, it's stands for 'it is' while its is possesive. Now, think to yourself, 'It is time to eat?' That sounds right, so it is 'it's'.

Now, there's the issue with Poke Ball. Poke Ball is two words (though some will argue), and both the 'P' and the 'B' is capitalized. There's also an accent over the 'e'.

Which brings me to another point. In Pokemon, most words that have 'Poke' in them are most likely going to have an accent over the 'e'. I have open office, so just look for the character under 'special characters', place it somewhere, then copy it. Then, head to auto correct, and anything that has an accent of the 'e' in Pokemon, add it. 'Pokemon' to 'Pokémon', 'PokeMart' to 'PokéMart', 'Poke Ball' to 'Poké Ball', etc. That way, you don't have to add it every single time you have to type in 'Poké' (which is a lot more than you think in a Pokémon story). Now for the errors.

'It's trust in me to win the battle.' It's stands for it is. Get rid of the apostophe. ^^

' "Hey girl, I've had fun and all, but now its time to end this battle, already.' Change its to it's. Also, you should probably get rid of the comma. It kinda looks out of place.

' "Blaziken, use quick attack to get closer to Salamence!" ' Don't forget to capitalize the attack names. :)

' "Blaziken, I said calmly, it looks like its time we resort to drastic measures." ' During the pause, where the speech dialogue was placed, you forgot to add two quotation marks.

' "All right then. Blaziken, meet Salamence head on while using thunder punch!" ' Although this is right (except for the forgetting to capitalize the attack name), ThunderPunch is spelt with no space.

' " That was a great battle Salamence.' There's an unneeded space in between the quotation mark and the dialogue.

So, there were a few errors, but not a whole lot (trust me, I’ve seen worse - waaaaay worse). When writing next chapter, don’t forget to write attack names with capital letters since they’re names. I usually always capitalize my Pokemon names, but then again, some people say you shouldn’t. Meh. I can’t wait for the next chapter, and I hope to see it soon!
10/24/2010 c1 7cazcappy
excellent details and such and very well written. The only thing I didn't like was you described your character right at the beginning. I know I did that the first time I wrote my story but a friend of mine convinced me that it's better if you don't describe yourself right away; but use smaller details to slowly draw a picture of yourself instead of just saying hey this is what I look like...I'm not trying to be critical but that's what I found works and I hope you find that constructive...I really like this story and i will be awaiting future updates :)
10/20/2010 c1 16Musing Soul
Well I like it. A little rough perhaps but good. Work on grammar a little and try not to be under descriptive. I think i can explain better when i am awake.
10/18/2010 c1 1Ein Storm
Good story!

i'd be even more surprised if her father was Paul xD

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