for The Little Mermaid10/27/2010 c2 
30Clar the Pirate
That was so neat. The paralleling (with the original and with the two characters) worked well and you know I'd never even thought about what the prince might have thought if he'd seen the little mermaid standing over him with a knife. A new idea in a story you've heard a hundred times or more, that is awesome indeed.
It did kind of read like 'here's this interesting idea I had, let me tell you about it' instead of a story. I don't know. It was just in the way the characters talked sometimes like they were deliberately trying to fit their lives in with the Little Mermaid instead of just telling their stories and allowing the reader to discover for themselves where the parallels were. Or maybe I'm just a pedant when it comes to first-person narration. Anyway.
Nice job.
30Clar the PirateThat was so neat. The paralleling (with the original and with the two characters) worked well and you know I'd never even thought about what the prince might have thought if he'd seen the little mermaid standing over him with a knife. A new idea in a story you've heard a hundred times or more, that is awesome indeed.
It did kind of read like 'here's this interesting idea I had, let me tell you about it' instead of a story. I don't know. It was just in the way the characters talked sometimes like they were deliberately trying to fit their lives in with the Little Mermaid instead of just telling their stories and allowing the reader to discover for themselves where the parallels were. Or maybe I'm just a pedant when it comes to first-person narration. Anyway.
Nice job.
10/26/2010 c2 66kimiko6
Wow, this is weird; But in a good way. I think I like it, short sweet and to the point- like my faerie tale story : )
66kimiko6Wow, this is weird; But in a good way. I think I like it, short sweet and to the point- like my faerie tale story : )
10/24/2010 c2 7EmmBee
Interesting. A truly unique spin on the story-I like it. I especially liked the parallels between the two chapters: the defining of freedom, and the use of the different parts of the definition inserted almost like a refrain between paragraphs. And the relationship between the two characters was unexpected and well-done. I loved that the "little mermaid" is in some ways both the mermaid (as a would-be assassin) and the princess (grown in a "convent").
My only suggestion would be a little extra proofreading; there are some typos, and in one place in the first chapter (near the beginning), it says "choice" rather than "choose."
Otherwise, good job on this unique idea, and thanks for sharing.
~EmmBee
7EmmBeeInteresting. A truly unique spin on the story-I like it. I especially liked the parallels between the two chapters: the defining of freedom, and the use of the different parts of the definition inserted almost like a refrain between paragraphs. And the relationship between the two characters was unexpected and well-done. I loved that the "little mermaid" is in some ways both the mermaid (as a would-be assassin) and the princess (grown in a "convent").
My only suggestion would be a little extra proofreading; there are some typos, and in one place in the first chapter (near the beginning), it says "choice" rather than "choose."
Otherwise, good job on this unique idea, and thanks for sharing.
~EmmBee