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1/13/2016 c7 CheekyChamp2015
Is this abandoned or what?
It's 2016.
8/18/2013 c7 5Harlequin de Rustre
You know you can get your entire submission taken down for chapter posts like these?

Your story is not a bulletin board. If you feel the compulsion to inform your readers, use the end notes of your chapters and the messaging system.
8/18/2013 c4 Harlequin de Rustre
"Red and black" chakra? Just call it magic, for goodness's sake. It's not like anybody will care about cheap semantics.

Also...the tails and wings? Wasn't the jump forward in physical dimensions not too much of a stretch already?

Raziel didn't sprout wings for a millennium- a full thousand years- remaining virtually identical to his living form for a near age. I mean, Kain looks pretty freakish, but that's cos Kain was a generation closer to the ancient vampires, and thus got a boost on the scale of primordial evolution.

Of course, you could bring up Raziel's "brothers", but they had a century or so after-the-fact to mutate into- let's be frank, here- butt-ugly monsters.

I can let the typically vampiric details of fangs and ears go, but the rest is just pushing the envelope.

Naruto sucked at the art of disguise when he was 12. How's he gonna cover this up?

Or is he just gonna march around the village that predominantly hates his guts like this?

And how are they going to get into Konoha? The gates may be open, but who the hell's gonna be so stupid as to let a pair of inhuman freaks in? I mean, even with really open minds, the gate guards wouldn't admit them for the sake of not desiring a riot to break out (and getting charges pinned on them).
8/18/2013 c3 Harlequin de Rustre
Kain's gonna play daddy, Raziel's gonna play big brother, and Kyuubi big sister.

For Naruto, whose lifespan wouldn't be even the tiniest of blips on their radar on their best days.

Okay, wait, hold on.

First of all, the Kyuubi is an undeniably chaotic force, manipulative and filled with unending rage. This gigantic, arcane beast would have no love for humans, as they'd encased him in living prisons, helpless, to be drained continually for the benefit of humanity's undeniably petty disputes and dilemmas. The only human being the Nine-Tailed Fox would ostensibly hold any kind of respect in any capacity for would be its creator, the legendary Sage of Six Paths, seeing as he was a great, beneficent being in many respects, someone in direct opposition to most human beings in his day, let alone the ones to come after his eventual demise.

So why would the Kyuubi be in any kind of mood to express any love for this sniveling, useless child who didn't even register its existence- let alone help it in any conceivable way- is beyond me. It's an awfully contrived plot point. In all honesty, the fox would have more interest in and empathy with Raziel, who's been used in a similar capacity and has suffered even more extensively than the fox has. There's also the added bonus of them being confused for demons by their shocking appearances.

I must ask why there's any sense of filial loyalty between Kain and Raziel, when they'd been at odds a fair amount of time, even when united by similar goals. In any case, Kain's always been a step or two ahead of Raziel in terms of the eternal game they played, what with always trying to deny their urgently obstructive manipulators their desired ends, and so they were always holding differing viewpoints. Kain was never a truly loving person, even given his rather noble goal to heal the world he'd helped destroy, and Raziel was too rash and quick to react to do anything with a level head. A thousand years of peace under Kain seems unlikely, given his aloof attitude toward even the most innocent of humans (viewing them as meals, at best) and his very utilitarian, expansionist attitude as a leader.

Even given artistic license, this all seems a bit too much of a stretch.

And let's not forget you turned Naruto into something terribly weird. Kids his age shouldn't be that tall or that strong- it'd get them into trouble.

Plus, the more superstitious villagers would take one look at him and "Daddy" and form together a mob to either execute them or forcibly evict them from Konohagekure no Sato.
8/18/2013 c2 Harlequin de Rustre
Hold the phone.

Raziel's going to help a human.

Not only is he going to help a human, but a "pure" child.

Who suffered only about two years at most (the remaining three being too young to recall more than vague impressions, if that) in terms of verbal and occasionally physical abuse, as compared to Raziel's multiple centuries of unremitting agony.

But because of his "purity", his undeniable outright "sainthood", despite being a five year old child that has about diddly capacity to do naught to affect his situation in any recognizable way and thus not having any sort of credible record of proven kindness or virtue...Raziel's going to just hand over the blade and all its powers to this little kid. Just because he felt sorry for him.
8/18/2013 c1 Harlequin de Rustre

A nigh-infantile Naruto with the terrible powers of a wraith.

I wonder why Raziel is so tender toward Naruto, and so knowledgeable of his brief past, whilst in his extensive undeath he'd loathed them with a passion.

I also wonder if Raziel will have as hard a time steering this hyperactive, melodramatic child as Kain originally did with Raziel.
12/23/2011 c6 Otakulrd86
I'm glad to see that you are going back to this story, and I am looking forward to reading it.
7/17/2011 c5 2MetalFox2013
don't give up, try thinking of training sessions with naruto and kain and gaining new abilities from both raziel and kain such as the ability to use telekinesis (raziel), Mind control (kain), and later on in the story teleportation (kain). That could be a good start on new ideas. Besides, I want to read more from this story.
3/4/2011 c1 11Spectral Ninja
You know that I found this story via Google and the title of your story is a bit ironic... Don't you think? *look at my username*
1/30/2011 c1 4FreshNerd
Great story, I liked it very much.
1/5/2011 c1 Otakulrd86
I really like this story, I am a huge fan of both Legacy of Kaine series and Naruto, and merging both this way is awesome. However, I would like to suggest maybe not posting as often, write 2 or 3 chapters worth of materiel, and the posting it as one chapter. that way you can flesh out what you have down, and have the readers satisfied as well. Please know that I like this story, and by no means saying you shouldn't write it the way you, but just offering a suggestion. Either take it or not, because I read this story either way
12/27/2010 c4 101VFSNAKE
Good. Short, but good.
12/27/2010 c4 14Soulblazer87
I had hoped this would change, but apparently it doesn't. This is too bad. What am I talking about? The chapters are too small! While, yes, I do concede the point of quality over quantity, this is absurd! The length of your introduction is as long as the entire chapter almost! I am sad to say, but I am removing this story from my favourites list for no other reason than the fact I feel cheated; you write too damn little. Hopefully, you will see this as not a flame but a beneficially harsh critic and change.
11/21/2010 c3 101VFSNAKE
THAT WAS AWESOME! Naruto had powers and a Father. Love it!
11/21/2010 c3 True Assassins
good story again like I said before this is great and I can't wait to read more have you decided on all the powers and power ups you are going to be giving naruto and the girl or girls that will be with him as well
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