Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Taking Over the Craft

1/19/2018 c5 Guest
Chris is the brain and Wyatt's the brawn. So why is Wyatt studying to become a doctor while Chris gave up on furthering his education? Doctor's are generally pretty smart. I can't believe that Wyatt would have trouble with potions, spells, etc. if he was smart enough to get into medical school. And I have a hard time understanding Chris' lack of motivation to set goals for himself. You've given both Wyatt and Chris contradicting personality traits... Chris is smart but he doesn't want to further his education. Wyatt is not as smart (you make it seem like Chris is much smarter than Wyatt, not marginally) but he managed to get into medical school (which is not an easy feat). I have a hard time understanding.

Also, the story is moving way too fast. We move from one scene to another without any kind of transition. And you still need to add descriptions to your story. It's hard to really enjoy a story when that story does not allow us to completely immerse ourselves in it because of a lack of setting.
1/19/2018 c2 Guest
Okay, a few things. You need more descriptions. It wasn't until the middle of the chapter that we actually find out that everyone was talking at Wyatt & Chris' apartment as opposed to at the manor or some other location. And another thing about that... why weren't they at the manor? There wouldn't have been enough room in the apartment for that amount of people to fit comfortably. It would have made more sense for the Charmed Ones to ask everyone over to the much more spacious manor for that conversation. And why didn't they just wait to have the conversation at family dinner when everyone would have been present anyway? Seems odd that they would hold a family meeting the day before they would all be together.

This chapter basically felt like you were just trying to cram every single one of the characters into it. The beginning of the chapter is just one person after another asking questions or making comments. The characters should be introduced better and more naturally. You should also try to describe them a little. We literally have no idea what any of the characters actually look like (except the ones we've watched on TV). With so many characters introduced that way, I can't even remember whose are Paige's children and whose are Phoebe's even though I read through your character list. Seriously, do you expect me to look back at that all the time? Because even doing that it's still going to be hard to remember who each are when they are not described in the story, and they are all introduced in the first scene.

Piper is just giving the club to Chris? I hope she's trained him (or at least hope that she's going to train him before just leaving him on his own).

Overall, the story isn't bad, but you definitely need to add more to it. It's basically all dialogue at this point. There was barely anything else. And even if you are "just setting the scene" there should be more descriptions (especially since that's what setting the scene means).
7/14/2017 c5 Anthony
This story is wonderful. I hope to see you continue it. Great job!
1/5/2011 c2 manufan2312
great first chapter
1/3/2011 c4 crlncyln
Love the story, read all four chapters at once!

"What am I, an excuse generator"... Totally love that!

Please Update Soon!

Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service