for Guide12/21/2012 c1 
5FlowQueen
Loved this! But, Mary is super sensitive! I wouldn't cry, I'd be angry. But anyway, you need more (and to UPDATE)
5FlowQueenLoved this! But, Mary is super sensitive! I wouldn't cry, I'd be angry. But anyway, you need more (and to UPDATE)
3/19/2012 c1 aruyo
The sad thing is that I see reviews like that on this site all the time. I mean, I understand that a lot of critics are just trying to help, but some of them push the boundaries between helpful and downright cruel. Poor Mary. ): Although I do hope that she comes up with a better story, because that one was awful. And her improved version doesn't sound too much better...
Please update eventually? If you can, that is. Or want to.
The sad thing is that I see reviews like that on this site all the time. I mean, I understand that a lot of critics are just trying to help, but some of them push the boundaries between helpful and downright cruel. Poor Mary. ): Although I do hope that she comes up with a better story, because that one was awful. And her improved version doesn't sound too much better...
Please update eventually? If you can, that is. Or want to.
1/25/2011 c1 pennilee
Yes, when I was a 'fangirl', as many CCers and flamers refer to that, I used to write Mary Sues, but I don't have any spelling mistakes. I just type like this, with ALOT of grammar mistakes. _
xoxo, Diana
Yes, when I was a 'fangirl', as many CCers and flamers refer to that, I used to write Mary Sues, but I don't have any spelling mistakes. I just type like this, with ALOT of grammar mistakes. _
xoxo, Diana
1/15/2011 c1 8Generation Nothing
You must continue. It will kinda be funny to watch her struggle (okay, that sounded a little mean). Ah, Newbies are always the most emotional...
8Generation NothingYou must continue. It will kinda be funny to watch her struggle (okay, that sounded a little mean). Ah, Newbies are always the most emotional...
1/9/2011 c1 Flying in a Facade
*reviewing whilst reading*
"She drummed her finger on her keyboard thinking of the series."
-She drummed her finger on her keyboard, thinking of the series.[Comma]
"For the next two hours Mary was entranced."
-For the next two hours, Mary was entranced. [Comma]
"In the next few minutes she became known as Percbth121 to the entire fanfiction universe."
-In the next few minutes, she became known as Percbth121 to the entire fanfiction universe. [Comma]
"She bounced in her chair waiting for the good reviews to pour in."
-She bounced in her chair, waiting for the good reviews to pour in. [Comma]
"When her computer booted up, her email informed that she got a review for her story "story of Jasmyne"
-When her computer booted up, her email informed her that she had gotten a review for her story "story of Jasmyne". ["Her", wrong tense, and no period]
""Mary, go to sleep it's twelve am." Mary's mom said opening her door."
-"Mary, go to sleep, it's twelve AM," Mary's mom said, opening the door. [Comma, incorrect "am", incorrect punctuation(replace the period with a comma]
~Conclusion: Maybe I abuse the comma key, I don't know. I think it's missing a few commas, but I find that I usually have more commas than others, so...:shrug:
Correct statement: "Sentences need to be like this," she said.
Incorrect Statement: "Sentences do not need to be like this." she said.
I think you might know that, because you used it in Mary's reply, but you forgot it when Mary's mom spoke...I thought I'd remind you.
I apologize if I seem nitpicky - this is a guide, I'm being extra nitpicky because it's supposed to be an example, and should try not to have many mistakes.
*reviewing whilst reading*
"She drummed her finger on her keyboard thinking of the series."
-She drummed her finger on her keyboard, thinking of the series.[Comma]
"For the next two hours Mary was entranced."
-For the next two hours, Mary was entranced. [Comma]
"In the next few minutes she became known as Percbth121 to the entire fanfiction universe."
-In the next few minutes, she became known as Percbth121 to the entire fanfiction universe. [Comma]
"She bounced in her chair waiting for the good reviews to pour in."
-She bounced in her chair, waiting for the good reviews to pour in. [Comma]
"When her computer booted up, her email informed that she got a review for her story "story of Jasmyne"
-When her computer booted up, her email informed her that she had gotten a review for her story "story of Jasmyne". ["Her", wrong tense, and no period]
""Mary, go to sleep it's twelve am." Mary's mom said opening her door."
-"Mary, go to sleep, it's twelve AM," Mary's mom said, opening the door. [Comma, incorrect "am", incorrect punctuation(replace the period with a comma]
~Conclusion: Maybe I abuse the comma key, I don't know. I think it's missing a few commas, but I find that I usually have more commas than others, so...:shrug:
Correct statement: "Sentences need to be like this," she said.
Incorrect Statement: "Sentences do not need to be like this." she said.
I think you might know that, because you used it in Mary's reply, but you forgot it when Mary's mom spoke...I thought I'd remind you.
I apologize if I seem nitpicky - this is a guide, I'm being extra nitpicky because it's supposed to be an example, and should try not to have many mistakes.
1/9/2011 c1 find the end
That was good, Cricket. :D
...Lucy is definitely preferable to 'Jasmyne'. *nods*
That was good, Cricket. :D
...Lucy is definitely preferable to 'Jasmyne'. *nods*
11/28/2010 c1 Your Sugar Sits Untouched
I liked it. An amusing read, and quite helpful too. It's a story you can take either way: as, obviously, a well-written story for laughs, or a sincere guide to help those observant enough to pick up the tips and problems.
Very well done :D
I liked it. An amusing read, and quite helpful too. It's a story you can take either way: as, obviously, a well-written story for laughs, or a sincere guide to help those observant enough to pick up the tips and problems.
Very well done :D
11/23/2010 c1 2Mingo-la
I liked the story! However, I think the review was a little TOO harsh. I mean, they are correct, but I don't think the review should have been THAT rude. Reviews are supposed to give helpful advice, but still encourage the writer. In my opinion, no reveiew should make a writer cry, unless that writer is EXTREMELY sensitive.
Other than that, I really liked the story. It's funny how Mary thinks that giving Jasmyne the flaws of her favorite characters would make her any less of a Mary-Sue.
Are you going to continue this story, or is it just a oneshot? I hope you continue it.
2Mingo-laI liked the story! However, I think the review was a little TOO harsh. I mean, they are correct, but I don't think the review should have been THAT rude. Reviews are supposed to give helpful advice, but still encourage the writer. In my opinion, no reveiew should make a writer cry, unless that writer is EXTREMELY sensitive.
Other than that, I really liked the story. It's funny how Mary thinks that giving Jasmyne the flaws of her favorite characters would make her any less of a Mary-Sue.
Are you going to continue this story, or is it just a oneshot? I hope you continue it.
11/21/2010 c1 9569862057562432184325435
Hello Critic here is your review now please shut the hell up thank you very much it is very appreciated.
This is very nice, clear, and helpful. Good examples and definitions, very straightforward and at some parts even humorous. I can see a very good guide in the making. This is none too rude and very precise on how to improve. Good work.
-Skadi and Igo
9569862057562432184325435Hello Critic here is your review now please shut the hell up thank you very much it is very appreciated.
This is very nice, clear, and helpful. Good examples and definitions, very straightforward and at some parts even humorous. I can see a very good guide in the making. This is none too rude and very precise on how to improve. Good work.
-Skadi and Igo
11/20/2010 c1 5The Little Lost Time Lord
this will help new writers thank you though i had to learn just like mary
5The Little Lost Time Lordthis will help new writers thank you though i had to learn just like mary
11/20/2010 c1 1SharpenedPencil
YES.
Critic-
Yes. This is good. You did awesome on this. It's funny. And realistic. Hopefully the world will read this story and apply it to their own lives, yes?
If I think of some CC, I'll PM it to you or something. I'm just in that Wow-good-story mood.
I've noticed your love for writing Flamer/Bad Writing stories. Eh, who cares. You're good at it ;)
Ami au revoir
Helping create a better place for better writing,
Pencil.
1SharpenedPencilYES.
Critic-
Yes. This is good. You did awesome on this. It's funny. And realistic. Hopefully the world will read this story and apply it to their own lives, yes?
If I think of some CC, I'll PM it to you or something. I'm just in that Wow-good-story mood.
I've noticed your love for writing Flamer/Bad Writing stories. Eh, who cares. You're good at it ;)
Ami au revoir
Helping create a better place for better writing,
Pencil.