for The Christmas Kiss4/18/2012 c1 No-Rhyme-Just-Reason
"...They lived happily ever after, arguments and all." LOL! :D - a perfect ending!
"...They lived happily ever after, arguments and all." LOL! :D - a perfect ending!
1/12/2011 c1 Debosmita
This story was very sweet. i think the credit for the marriage goes entirely to Dumbledore. The pair is not very popular but it is toooo cute, I must admit this.
This story was very sweet. i think the credit for the marriage goes entirely to Dumbledore. The pair is not very popular but it is toooo cute, I must admit this.
1/2/2011 c1 
21englishteacups
The characters were a bit OOC for my taste, but since it's HGSS I really don't give a darn about it. LOOOOL. Sweet and short, my dear. :)
Carpe diem! :D
21englishteacupsThe characters were a bit OOC for my taste, but since it's HGSS I really don't give a darn about it. LOOOOL. Sweet and short, my dear. :)
Carpe diem! :D
12/22/2010 c1 6KeydaV
I'm just going to say this right off the bat, this was a very cute story. Similar to several of the other reviewers, however, I did find it to be a bit rushed. Instead of just writing down what's happening, try going a bit more in depth. Tell us what they're thinking. Go more into their relationship. Don't just tell us "they fought, they were friends, they loved each other". Give us examples of some arguments that they had, show us some moments of friendship. Try to explain how they became close. Did they have to work on something together, forcing them to spend much time with each other?
Also, try not to have a paragraph going one way, and then just mention something, especially something that would have worked well in a paragraph before. When you talked about how they both loved each other, but each of them didn't know it, it was kind of out of the blue. You easily could have added that to the ending of the previous paragraph (such as "Their friendship turned into love, although they were both frightened to tell the other, for fear of their feelings not being returned and ruing their friendship.") and then you wouldn't have to mention it again.
I also felt that the marriage proposal came out of nowhere. We were reading about Severus and Hermione finally realizing that they love each other and suddenly, BAM!, marriage. Don't get me wrong, it was cute, but it felt like it was completely out of place. Perhaps if you had a bit more flow from them kissing under mistletoe to engagement, it would work better. Again, talk about their relationship, and give examples of moments that they had together. Build it up to the marriage proposal.
Anyway, hope it helps. This wasn't meant to be a flame, just helpful criticism. It really was a cute story, and had a very cute concept behind it.
~Keyda
6KeydaVI'm just going to say this right off the bat, this was a very cute story. Similar to several of the other reviewers, however, I did find it to be a bit rushed. Instead of just writing down what's happening, try going a bit more in depth. Tell us what they're thinking. Go more into their relationship. Don't just tell us "they fought, they were friends, they loved each other". Give us examples of some arguments that they had, show us some moments of friendship. Try to explain how they became close. Did they have to work on something together, forcing them to spend much time with each other?
Also, try not to have a paragraph going one way, and then just mention something, especially something that would have worked well in a paragraph before. When you talked about how they both loved each other, but each of them didn't know it, it was kind of out of the blue. You easily could have added that to the ending of the previous paragraph (such as "Their friendship turned into love, although they were both frightened to tell the other, for fear of their feelings not being returned and ruing their friendship.") and then you wouldn't have to mention it again.
I also felt that the marriage proposal came out of nowhere. We were reading about Severus and Hermione finally realizing that they love each other and suddenly, BAM!, marriage. Don't get me wrong, it was cute, but it felt like it was completely out of place. Perhaps if you had a bit more flow from them kissing under mistletoe to engagement, it would work better. Again, talk about their relationship, and give examples of moments that they had together. Build it up to the marriage proposal.
Anyway, hope it helps. This wasn't meant to be a flame, just helpful criticism. It really was a cute story, and had a very cute concept behind it.
~Keyda
12/17/2010 c1 4dapperyklutz
beautiful. :) i loved it! by the way, this is "slytherinlion" from before, the one who wrote "Matchmaking the Unmatched". :) I recently changed my name, hehe. anyway, i enjoyed it a lot. :)
keep it up! :)
lovelots,
rainegeek
4dapperyklutzbeautiful. :) i loved it! by the way, this is "slytherinlion" from before, the one who wrote "Matchmaking the Unmatched". :) I recently changed my name, hehe. anyway, i enjoyed it a lot. :)
keep it up! :)
lovelots,
rainegeek
12/14/2010 c1 Antigone
You use the term "each other" seven times in just two paragraphs...
Add some variety.
You use the term "each other" seven times in just two paragraphs...
Add some variety.
12/13/2010 c1 12toavoidconversation
I think the concept was a sweet idea, but the whole thing felt a little rushed, and the ending was a bit out of the blue...
I think some more description might've been nice, and if you'd spaced out your paragraphs more it might've been better and more atmospheric...
Just my opinion :)
12toavoidconversationI think the concept was a sweet idea, but the whole thing felt a little rushed, and the ending was a bit out of the blue...
I think some more description might've been nice, and if you'd spaced out your paragraphs more it might've been better and more atmospheric...
Just my opinion :)
12/10/2010 c1 Amledo
I'm not going to flame you, and hey, I actually bothered to log in for once so if you don't like what I have to say feel free to rant about it to me later.
This story had a good thought behind it, but it was very rushed and sounded sort of generic. Too much was outwordly assumed by the writing and there wasn't anything left for the characters. I would have liked to have seen some internalization, character perspective or even just a brief glimpse at their thoughts. Everything works too perfectly, from Dumbledore just assuming that the two were in love, to everyone in the school knowing that they were in love. Why would no one have brought it up to either party before such a measure as enchanted mistletoe was taken?
You want to make the reader want to keep going to find out what's going to happen, if you just keep telling them from the start of the story that all it's going to take is the mistletoe then there's not much point in still reading it.
As I said, it was an interesting idea, and one that could be pretty good once it got sorted out and the right pace set to it. This was not intended as a flame but to help you. I'm sorry if you interpret it as such.
-Amledo-
I'm not going to flame you, and hey, I actually bothered to log in for once so if you don't like what I have to say feel free to rant about it to me later.
This story had a good thought behind it, but it was very rushed and sounded sort of generic. Too much was outwordly assumed by the writing and there wasn't anything left for the characters. I would have liked to have seen some internalization, character perspective or even just a brief glimpse at their thoughts. Everything works too perfectly, from Dumbledore just assuming that the two were in love, to everyone in the school knowing that they were in love. Why would no one have brought it up to either party before such a measure as enchanted mistletoe was taken?
You want to make the reader want to keep going to find out what's going to happen, if you just keep telling them from the start of the story that all it's going to take is the mistletoe then there's not much point in still reading it.
As I said, it was an interesting idea, and one that could be pretty good once it got sorted out and the right pace set to it. This was not intended as a flame but to help you. I'm sorry if you interpret it as such.
-Amledo-