for Rain Is A Theif1/13/2011 c2 
24eltigre221
awesome fic, but it's hard to know what's going on for me, but I don't care, I like it either way, and till the next chapter, can't wait for more :)
24eltigre221awesome fic, but it's hard to know what's going on for me, but I don't care, I like it either way, and till the next chapter, can't wait for more :)
1/1/2011 c2 94frostygossamer
I haven't seen this or read the books but I thought this was fun. Your style is really colourful and bubbly.
94frostygossamerI haven't seen this or read the books but I thought this was fun. Your style is really colourful and bubbly.
12/12/2010 c2 166kittykatloren
Interesting development, I like where this is going plot/character wise. Great work on the sentence structures, really nice! Watch out for little grammar things, like:
"When Ares escorted Char and I into the Train station" should actually be "Char and me" because you'd normally say "Ares escorted me" not "Ares escorted I"
Also, in the title - should be spelled Thief! :)
One line I really liked: "Rolling her eyes and fake pouting, she glared up at me with sparkling, sarcastic eyes that screamed attitude." Very nice! I love your descriptions.
Keep it up!
- Kitty
166kittykatlorenInteresting development, I like where this is going plot/character wise. Great work on the sentence structures, really nice! Watch out for little grammar things, like:
"When Ares escorted Char and I into the Train station" should actually be "Char and me" because you'd normally say "Ares escorted me" not "Ares escorted I"
Also, in the title - should be spelled Thief! :)
One line I really liked: "Rolling her eyes and fake pouting, she glared up at me with sparkling, sarcastic eyes that screamed attitude." Very nice! I love your descriptions.
Keep it up!
- Kitty
12/12/2010 c1 amy
I love it! Please continue!
I love it! Please continue!
12/12/2010 c1 kittykatloren
This is a great start! I've read these books, but it was a while ago, so I only have a vague idea about the characters, so I can't really comment on characterization. xD As for writing style, you've definitely a good foundation and quirkiness to it, and great vocab, that I really like.
One thing you should try to do to make it stronger: Vary up your sentence structure a little bit. Almost all of your sentences being with nouns. You can get a lot better flow if you start some with the verbs, adverbs, or prepositional phrases and subjunctive clauses. (Yes, annoying grammar terms, I know, but that's what we writers have to deal with, lol xD)
Grammar's very good throughout, just watch for comma errors - it's hard to catch every one, but for instance:
"I bolted towards Chase, and leaped into his open arms" Should NOT be a comma there, since the second clause doesn't have a new subject
"I looked at Chase and he was truly unsettled by my leaving." SHOULD be a comma there after Chase, since the next clause includes a new subject.
Overall, this is a great story to start with on FF! I look forward to reading more from you, it'll only keep getting better! :D
- Kitty
This is a great start! I've read these books, but it was a while ago, so I only have a vague idea about the characters, so I can't really comment on characterization. xD As for writing style, you've definitely a good foundation and quirkiness to it, and great vocab, that I really like.
One thing you should try to do to make it stronger: Vary up your sentence structure a little bit. Almost all of your sentences being with nouns. You can get a lot better flow if you start some with the verbs, adverbs, or prepositional phrases and subjunctive clauses. (Yes, annoying grammar terms, I know, but that's what we writers have to deal with, lol xD)
Grammar's very good throughout, just watch for comma errors - it's hard to catch every one, but for instance:
"I bolted towards Chase, and leaped into his open arms" Should NOT be a comma there, since the second clause doesn't have a new subject
"I looked at Chase and he was truly unsettled by my leaving." SHOULD be a comma there after Chase, since the next clause includes a new subject.
Overall, this is a great story to start with on FF! I look forward to reading more from you, it'll only keep getting better! :D
- Kitty