Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Prophecy at Vault 712

12/21/2010 c1 7thisobsessioniscontagious
That was an adorable first chapter – and I really didn’t see Millie and Ethan getting married until the last sentence ^^’ and I’m hoping to see exactly how that worked out for them. I’m also curious to see how you tie the prophecy into this, it feels more or less like a foreboding little cloud above the characters, and the mentioned dates don’t help to lighten it up. Two things I noticed you could fix – the position of ‘Chaser’ is capitalized and the punctuation at the end of quotes was a bit off (“I'm pretty sure I'm not the chaser that needs to up his game" the nerve of him, she thought.” needs a comma before the last quote) otherwise it seemed to flow very nicely.

As a side note, I think you’re OC was really well written, and I don’t know if you’re into RPGs or anything, but I think you’d mesh in very well at RMImagic (dot) come. The way you write your OC without them being Mary Sue-ish just makes me think you’d be a wonderful addition to the site :D

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service