for Death7/12/2011 c1 bibliofagos199
Neither you deserve your fate, Alex.
Ok, good job with this one. :D
Neither you deserve your fate, Alex.
Ok, good job with this one. :D
412/27/2010 c1 palladium-46
Sabsi,
I. Really. Liked. This. I like how you wrote as if you were talking to us, and I liked Alex's voice - so blunt, it made me shiver. I like how Alex's character fluctuates, just like a real person. You really breathed life into him, which is ironic because this fic is centered on death.
Fave lines:
"My life was destroyed early. Time only added to my internal collapse."
As for criticism, please keep your verb tenses consistent. For example, in the second paragraph, you keep switching between past and present tense. Also, watch out for run on sentences like "Either way, they don't fear death, they even work with it on a daily base." There should be a period instead of a comma after "death". Last thing, try to reduce the amount of "get's" and "got's" that you use, and make sure the verb and noun agree. For example:
"On the other side there are persons who got no problem with taking a person's life."
It should be: "On the other side, there are PEOPLE who HAVE no problem..."
But let me reiterate that I love this story, and I am perfectly aware that English isn't your first language. Thanks for sharing this!
Have a wonderful day.
Sabsi,
I. Really. Liked. This. I like how you wrote as if you were talking to us, and I liked Alex's voice - so blunt, it made me shiver. I like how Alex's character fluctuates, just like a real person. You really breathed life into him, which is ironic because this fic is centered on death.
Fave lines:
"My life was destroyed early. Time only added to my internal collapse."
As for criticism, please keep your verb tenses consistent. For example, in the second paragraph, you keep switching between past and present tense. Also, watch out for run on sentences like "Either way, they don't fear death, they even work with it on a daily base." There should be a period instead of a comma after "death". Last thing, try to reduce the amount of "get's" and "got's" that you use, and make sure the verb and noun agree. For example:
"On the other side there are persons who got no problem with taking a person's life."
It should be: "On the other side, there are PEOPLE who HAVE no problem..."
But let me reiterate that I love this story, and I am perfectly aware that English isn't your first language. Thanks for sharing this!
Have a wonderful day.
12/27/2010 c1 Lalalalalalalala
I really liked the whole idea of it. But...(there's always a but) i think it should have been a little more...serious. Maybe try changing you point of view to third person. Alexs' thoughts were too childish almost. But other than that teensy thing, it was great, I loved some of the lines.
I really liked the whole idea of it. But...(there's always a but) i think it should have been a little more...serious. Maybe try changing you point of view to third person. Alexs' thoughts were too childish almost. But other than that teensy thing, it was great, I loved some of the lines.