for Unexpected Encounters3/19/2011 c1 lste
Really like it :-)))))
I just gotta question, why do you put the speaking with - dashes instead of "" quotes? hehe just wondering!
Really like it :-)))))
I just gotta question, why do you put the speaking with - dashes instead of "" quotes? hehe just wondering!
1/30/2011 c4 Casie
OMG! this is amazing, I totally love this chapter of your story, the ring! I don't really know if you knew that in the first book, the kids who entered in Narnia enter by a green ring. This is awesome, very nice.
Like I already told you I love this story, love Edmund and love your characters,
Happy writing,
Casie
OMG! this is amazing, I totally love this chapter of your story, the ring! I don't really know if you knew that in the first book, the kids who entered in Narnia enter by a green ring. This is awesome, very nice.
Like I already told you I love this story, love Edmund and love your characters,
Happy writing,
Casie
1/30/2011 c3 Casie
Hey it's me again.
"Why is everyone so obsessed about those guys!"
love that part, haha.
I really love Edmund Pevensie he's really cool and I love your character, they have personality, happy writing,
Casie
Hey it's me again.
"Why is everyone so obsessed about those guys!"
love that part, haha.
I really love Edmund Pevensie he's really cool and I love your character, they have personality, happy writing,
Casie
1/30/2011 c2 Casie
JA!, Edmund made me laugh hard, this chapter is awesome.
happy writing,
Casie
JA!, Edmund made me laugh hard, this chapter is awesome.
happy writing,
Casie
1/30/2011 c1 Casie
Hey, I really like the way you are writing the story with the new characters, happy writing.
Casie
Hey, I really like the way you are writing the story with the new characters, happy writing.
Casie
1/24/2011 c3 
12Juliet'lovestory
So far this is my favorite chapter! (: please go on, cant wait till the next chapter!
12Juliet'lovestorySo far this is my favorite chapter! (: please go on, cant wait till the next chapter!
1/17/2011 c2 3urgrandaddy
Hey :) Me again. Good chapter, it was funny, the last lines especially. However, they are a couple mistakes. Sometimes, the way you word certain sentences isn't done correctly. For example, you wrote:
"I turned around in order to get free from he but all I got is that he smacked me with his body; I looked him in the eyes."
It should be: "I turned around in an effort to get free from him, but all I got was a smack from his body. I looked him in the eyes."
And the quotes are supposed to be in quatations when it's written in English. Instead of -Please! Stop!-, it should be "Please! Stop!". Or, instead of -Night-I said... it should be: "Night," I said. (The comma included).
Other than that it was a good chapter and I'll be expecting more :)
3urgrandaddyHey :) Me again. Good chapter, it was funny, the last lines especially. However, they are a couple mistakes. Sometimes, the way you word certain sentences isn't done correctly. For example, you wrote:
"I turned around in order to get free from he but all I got is that he smacked me with his body; I looked him in the eyes."
It should be: "I turned around in an effort to get free from him, but all I got was a smack from his body. I looked him in the eyes."
And the quotes are supposed to be in quatations when it's written in English. Instead of -Please! Stop!-, it should be "Please! Stop!". Or, instead of -Night-I said... it should be: "Night," I said. (The comma included).
Other than that it was a good chapter and I'll be expecting more :)
1/11/2011 c1 Narnia Fan
Me encantó! porfavor sigue! espero que te haya gusto que te haya contetado en español, ya que veo hablas español! Por cierto: simplemente ame a los hermanos de Melanie.
Melanie es con una sola n no? o es con doble nn porque asi quisiste?
Me encantó! porfavor sigue! espero que te haya gusto que te haya contetado en español, ya que veo hablas español! Por cierto: simplemente ame a los hermanos de Melanie.
Melanie es con una sola n no? o es con doble nn porque asi quisiste?
1/10/2011 c1 1TaylorOphelia
Hope you update soon. It's really good. Follow unwritten's advice and it should be free of mistakes. :)
1TaylorOpheliaHope you update soon. It's really good. Follow unwritten's advice and it should be free of mistakes. :)
1/9/2011 c1 princess emma of narnia
good frist chapter you should put more chapters in this story it was so good
good frist chapter you should put more chapters in this story it was so good
1/8/2011 c1 3urgrandaddy
You speak Spanish, I can tell by the way you put your quotations. Haha, yo tambien soy hispana y el ingles es mi segunda lengua, aunque creci en los EEUU ;)
When writing in Englsih, quotes are beween quotations, like this:
"Why not? I'm old enough to have a boyfriend," I said, kind of happy because I loved how Ales got jealous every time a guy approached Maia or me.
This is kind of good, except for some grammar mistakes. Also, if you're going to write it past tense, stay in past tense. This is also a problem with me.
For example, you wrote "I said" (past), then wrote "I love how" (present). See what I mean there?
Well, I hope I was of some help. Happy writing! :)
P.S. can you write me a review? :)
3urgrandaddyYou speak Spanish, I can tell by the way you put your quotations. Haha, yo tambien soy hispana y el ingles es mi segunda lengua, aunque creci en los EEUU ;)
When writing in Englsih, quotes are beween quotations, like this:
"Why not? I'm old enough to have a boyfriend," I said, kind of happy because I loved how Ales got jealous every time a guy approached Maia or me.
This is kind of good, except for some grammar mistakes. Also, if you're going to write it past tense, stay in past tense. This is also a problem with me.
For example, you wrote "I said" (past), then wrote "I love how" (present). See what I mean there?
Well, I hope I was of some help. Happy writing! :)
P.S. can you write me a review? :)
1/8/2011 c1 12Juliet'lovestory
LOVE IT! GOOOSH please please UPDATE SOON :) como hablas español te escribo en español: dude, ame a Edmund, cada dia lo amo mas jahja no puedo evitarlo. to my favorites :)
12Juliet'lovestoryLOVE IT! GOOOSH please please UPDATE SOON :) como hablas español te escribo en español: dude, ame a Edmund, cada dia lo amo mas jahja no puedo evitarlo. to my favorites :)