
4/4/2011 c4
10ILYPROMISE
Yaaaay, new chapter, I can tell this is a transition chapter cause nothing much happened. Still pretty good though, cant wait until the next chapter =3

Yaaaay, new chapter, I can tell this is a transition chapter cause nothing much happened. Still pretty good though, cant wait until the next chapter =3
1/15/2011 c3
11More2life
Omg I wish your chapters were longer you know what, scratch that I wish you make this less about sexual things and more of a story...if you need help with that im me and I will help. I just think it would have a better outcome than this. It has direction, it just needs more of a story line. It's as they say "all over the place". I really would like to see this story improve, but hey I gotz to admit it's got me and I will continue to read and review ;))

Omg I wish your chapters were longer you know what, scratch that I wish you make this less about sexual things and more of a story...if you need help with that im me and I will help. I just think it would have a better outcome than this. It has direction, it just needs more of a story line. It's as they say "all over the place". I really would like to see this story improve, but hey I gotz to admit it's got me and I will continue to read and review ;))
1/15/2011 c2 More2life
That was good, but honestly I got lost alot! You should really make your paragraphs longer and put more feeling in how the characters feel. And as I said before take your time, the story isn't going anywhere. If you need help just come to me and ask :)) The More2life fan club will happily obligue lmaooo what am I saying I'm the only member of my fan club! XDD Sorry lame joke -_-' and totaly off topic. Well I think you should try writing a chapter story with like alot of thought and less...lemons, I guess? I think you could manage that. Wellp onto the next one
That was good, but honestly I got lost alot! You should really make your paragraphs longer and put more feeling in how the characters feel. And as I said before take your time, the story isn't going anywhere. If you need help just come to me and ask :)) The More2life fan club will happily obligue lmaooo what am I saying I'm the only member of my fan club! XDD Sorry lame joke -_-' and totaly off topic. Well I think you should try writing a chapter story with like alot of thought and less...lemons, I guess? I think you could manage that. Wellp onto the next one
1/15/2011 c1 More2life
First of all, you have to do a better job at introducing your story, and new characters in it. Like Daziy, and Diana. You gave a vage discription of them and I still don't know alot about them. You should take your time in writing this, cause I saw almost no punctuation, and every breath she breathe really kgirl50 how about every breath she breathed. As I said before just please take your time this story has alots of potential lol but as I read in your a/n it gets wayyy better, so Imma reasd the next chapter now ;))
First of all, you have to do a better job at introducing your story, and new characters in it. Like Daziy, and Diana. You gave a vage discription of them and I still don't know alot about them. You should take your time in writing this, cause I saw almost no punctuation, and every breath she breathe really kgirl50 how about every breath she breathed. As I said before just please take your time this story has alots of potential lol but as I read in your a/n it gets wayyy better, so Imma reasd the next chapter now ;))
1/13/2011 c3
10ILYPROMISE
Another good chapter, try to slow down with the events though, the events happen just a little to quickly, dwell on stuff like how the characters are feeling, make us feel like there living and breathing as if we could just reach out and touch them. :)

Another good chapter, try to slow down with the events though, the events happen just a little to quickly, dwell on stuff like how the characters are feeling, make us feel like there living and breathing as if we could just reach out and touch them. :)
1/12/2011 c1 ILYPROMISE
Pretty good, keep it going though, I wanna know what happens to daisy, Newgate revenge, much better on the grammar compared to the other one, yay spell check! But yeah, I like it, yay lemons xD
Pretty good, keep it going though, I wanna know what happens to daisy, Newgate revenge, much better on the grammar compared to the other one, yay spell check! But yeah, I like it, yay lemons xD
1/12/2011 c1 ILYPROMISE
Pretty good, keep it going though, I wanna know what happens to daisy, Newgate revenge, much better on the grammar compared to the other one, yay spell check! But yeah, I like it, yay lemons xD
Pretty good, keep it going though, I wanna know what happens to daisy, Newgate revenge, much better on the grammar compared to the other one, yay spell check! But yeah, I like it, yay lemons xD