for In his mind11/17/2016 c1 Guest
Paragraphs. You need to use them. I'm not even going to try to read this monstrosity.
Paragraphs. You need to use them. I'm not even going to try to read this monstrosity.
12/7/2013 c1 
471Errol's Feather
Awwwwe poor Jack, he should have admitted how he felt. So sweet how he can't go on without her. Love the way his mind rails off as it is and the fact he tells her he won't go anywhere when she waks up. This story is just too cute, loved it :)
471Errol's FeatherAwwwwe poor Jack, he should have admitted how he felt. So sweet how he can't go on without her. Love the way his mind rails off as it is and the fact he tells her he won't go anywhere when she waks up. This story is just too cute, loved it :)
3/5/2013 c1 mee
"She was extremely damaged" star trek much? Lol
"She was extremely damaged" star trek much? Lol
4/27/2011 c1 johan
lovelly story ! and i actualy did not find a lot of mistakes so ... x) great work xx
lovelly story ! and i actualy did not find a lot of mistakes so ... x) great work xx
2/19/2011 c1 67LAIsobel
Hey, this was nice little piece... just few things...
Ehm - I would split the paragraphs - it's really difficult to follow to story like this... it's kind of better have them shorter.
Then it would be nice if you'd read it again and correct some of the mistakes - I know it's hard to post a story without them (God knows mine are full of them as well) - so I'm just saying... both spelling and grammar... might be helpful ;o)
But other than that - short and sweet :o)
67LAIsobelHey, this was nice little piece... just few things...
Ehm - I would split the paragraphs - it's really difficult to follow to story like this... it's kind of better have them shorter.
Then it would be nice if you'd read it again and correct some of the mistakes - I know it's hard to post a story without them (God knows mine are full of them as well) - so I'm just saying... both spelling and grammar... might be helpful ;o)
But other than that - short and sweet :o)