for The Maury Show10/30/2017 c1 yukimae86
Whatttt! When things was just started to get interesting! I saw the published date... This is so unfare
Whatttt! When things was just started to get interesting! I saw the published date... This is so unfare
6/24/2014 c1 sasunaru
You should continue I love it:))
You should continue I love it:))
5/20/2013 c1 nowherekids
You should have Naruto start cheating then Sasuke catches him.
By the way loved the chapter c:
You should have Naruto start cheating then Sasuke catches him.
By the way loved the chapter c:
7/26/2011 c1 
2Gone into the Abyss
Can you please continue? I really enjoyed this, and I think it will be somewhat hilarious to see...read Sasuke's expression when they get to the show.
DO you need ideas? I'll be happy to help, if you want me to.
2Gone into the AbyssCan you please continue? I really enjoyed this, and I think it will be somewhat hilarious to see...read Sasuke's expression when they get to the show.
DO you need ideas? I'll be happy to help, if you want me to.
1/12/2011 c1 12Ciaossu-Chaossu
I don't mean to be rude but I have no idea what just happened, it wasn't very clear at all.
12Ciaossu-ChaossuI don't mean to be rude but I have no idea what just happened, it wasn't very clear at all.
1/12/2011 c1 3PockyPand4
lololol. You are insane.
Btw, I have skype so the number you put up links with it so skype was like " Would you like to call this number"...
Bte, SHAME ON SASU...I think?
3PockyPand4lololol. You are insane.
Btw, I have skype so the number you put up links with it so skype was like " Would you like to call this number"...
Bte, SHAME ON SASU...I think?
1/12/2011 c1 Crazy Barks
Okay, let's just say you have a LOT to work on.
First of all, chat/script style stories aren't even allowed on FF.
Plus, I hate to say this, but they're annoying. They completely disrupt the entire story and just don't make sense. Who are Aiden and Kitty, anyway?
Next, there are practically no commas, and the story is full of run-on sentences. I can't pay attention to ANYTHING in the story because it bothers me so much.
Okay, take this paragraph for example.
"He microwaved his dinner and ate it the taste of Narutos put his dishes away and went to the bathroom to take a hot wanted to scrub away the pink haired whores felt like she was still on wanted this to end.
he wanted to throw up everytime he thought bout missed touching Naruto,he missed having Narutos skin against his,he missed the sounds he made when he touched him,he missed wont touch Naruto because he doesnt want to taint him with his own * owns embedded his scent,his mark,his touch,his everything into scrubbed at his body till is was red and small specks of blood leaked quickly got out and got dressed and went to their .he loved that soon as he walked in he spotted a small lump on the locks poked of out the smiled and walked to the bed he went under the covers and brought the bundle closer to smiled when he felt Naruto wrap his arms around him,holding onto him like hes gunna leave."
Honestly, if someone else had written that, would you have understood it? I know I didn't. I'm not even quite sure what happened. Something about showering?
"he spotted a small lump on the locks poked of out the smiled and walked to the bed"
...What? A small lump on the locks? Poked out of the smiled?
I don't understand what's happening.
And these aren't small mistakes, either. These happen throughout the ENTIRE story. It makes me feel like you didn't even try.
I'm not trying to flame, really, I'm not. It's just that this story is SO mistake ridden, a beta wouldn't even help - the beta would barely know what you were trying to say!
I know You can do better than this.
Okay, let's just say you have a LOT to work on.
First of all, chat/script style stories aren't even allowed on FF.
Plus, I hate to say this, but they're annoying. They completely disrupt the entire story and just don't make sense. Who are Aiden and Kitty, anyway?
Next, there are practically no commas, and the story is full of run-on sentences. I can't pay attention to ANYTHING in the story because it bothers me so much.
Okay, take this paragraph for example.
"He microwaved his dinner and ate it the taste of Narutos put his dishes away and went to the bathroom to take a hot wanted to scrub away the pink haired whores felt like she was still on wanted this to end.
he wanted to throw up everytime he thought bout missed touching Naruto,he missed having Narutos skin against his,he missed the sounds he made when he touched him,he missed wont touch Naruto because he doesnt want to taint him with his own * owns embedded his scent,his mark,his touch,his everything into scrubbed at his body till is was red and small specks of blood leaked quickly got out and got dressed and went to their .he loved that soon as he walked in he spotted a small lump on the locks poked of out the smiled and walked to the bed he went under the covers and brought the bundle closer to smiled when he felt Naruto wrap his arms around him,holding onto him like hes gunna leave."
Honestly, if someone else had written that, would you have understood it? I know I didn't. I'm not even quite sure what happened. Something about showering?
"he spotted a small lump on the locks poked of out the smiled and walked to the bed"
...What? A small lump on the locks? Poked out of the smiled?
I don't understand what's happening.
And these aren't small mistakes, either. These happen throughout the ENTIRE story. It makes me feel like you didn't even try.
I'm not trying to flame, really, I'm not. It's just that this story is SO mistake ridden, a beta wouldn't even help - the beta would barely know what you were trying to say!
I know You can do better than this.