for Between Sane and Insane9/19/2013 c1 Baddamobs
I always think the most challenging part of writing for the perspective of the Splicers is two things: the madness and dementia that the overload of Adam on the mind, and the all important presence of 'Jack.' I personally think that you presented both very well. The way her mind flits to and from subjects, with a well done method of displaying how she can't cope with the idea of her own disfigurement (the "monster") certainly shows her mind isn't in the right place. And I particularly like 'Jack' in this; it really does reflect how he becomes so revered in the sequel, being so cold and calculating to 'just another Splicer.'
In any case, I think this was done quite well, keep it up. _ b
I always think the most challenging part of writing for the perspective of the Splicers is two things: the madness and dementia that the overload of Adam on the mind, and the all important presence of 'Jack.' I personally think that you presented both very well. The way her mind flits to and from subjects, with a well done method of displaying how she can't cope with the idea of her own disfigurement (the "monster") certainly shows her mind isn't in the right place. And I particularly like 'Jack' in this; it really does reflect how he becomes so revered in the sequel, being so cold and calculating to 'just another Splicer.'
In any case, I think this was done quite well, keep it up. _ b
5/1/2012 c1 
2ultra dragon
Wow, this is really the only thing I can say.
Amazing writing the twisted vision the splicer had.
quite the amazing job.
2ultra dragonWow, this is really the only thing I can say.
Amazing writing the twisted vision the splicer had.
quite the amazing job.
3/31/2011 c1 15laicka
Oh holy shit!
poor Rosemary, yet I guess that most sane people in Rapture did go mad... yet did like how you describe Jack, as a cold mind person, I guess that you need to put aside all your emotions to survive a place like Rapture, yet I'm starting to pity the splicers even more...
15laickaOh holy shit!
poor Rosemary, yet I guess that most sane people in Rapture did go mad... yet did like how you describe Jack, as a cold mind person, I guess that you need to put aside all your emotions to survive a place like Rapture, yet I'm starting to pity the splicers even more...
2/1/2011 c1 Jack B Nimble
I had thought about that a lot with the Bioshock games. A lot of people, myself included, go around killing splicers who really don't hurt them first. Splicers standing over cribs, playing in water, sitting in bathroom stalls... Doesn't matter what they're doing or what they're saying, they get killed instantly.
I'm really glad you explored this theme in your story. You wrote it well and I think you captured the mindset of a splicer beautifully. From the start to the end, it is splendidly composed. The beginning was my favorite part, though. With the monster she stares at and stares back at her... Really her reflection, though she doesn't acknowledge it.
How she is revolted by other splicers, unaware that she looks like them, forgetful of her daughter's kidnapping and even thinking that she'd kill her for some ADAM... Just really well done. I don't think anything was overlooked! Keep up the good work, okay? Heh.
I had thought about that a lot with the Bioshock games. A lot of people, myself included, go around killing splicers who really don't hurt them first. Splicers standing over cribs, playing in water, sitting in bathroom stalls... Doesn't matter what they're doing or what they're saying, they get killed instantly.
I'm really glad you explored this theme in your story. You wrote it well and I think you captured the mindset of a splicer beautifully. From the start to the end, it is splendidly composed. The beginning was my favorite part, though. With the monster she stares at and stares back at her... Really her reflection, though she doesn't acknowledge it.
How she is revolted by other splicers, unaware that she looks like them, forgetful of her daughter's kidnapping and even thinking that she'd kill her for some ADAM... Just really well done. I don't think anything was overlooked! Keep up the good work, okay? Heh.
1/17/2011 c1 4Doctor Shemp
Amazing. Absolutely breathtaking, Crimson.
THIS is what Rapture is like. You paint a perfect picture of what it's really like to live in Rapture as a normal person who isn't a one-man army that's armed to the teeth and pretty much immortal. The sights, the sounds, the smells... it's all there. Beautiful.
I loved how you don't know right away that Rosemary is a Splicer herself. When I read it, it kind of felt like Rose herself was just realizing that, too. She tries to think that she's different from them, trying to stay sane by convincing herself that she's sane. Sort of like this one fic I read where the Doctor was stuck in a mental institution, and all of his psychologists were trying to convince him that he wasn't a Time Lord and the Doctor was just something he made up. Poor Rose. Poor, poor Rose. That was touching.
Another thing I liked was how you don't really portray Jack as a COMPLETE monster. We see him in pretty much the same way: a sad kid who can't even think for himself, someone who doesn't know any better than to kill everything that moves. I felt bad for Jack just as much as everybody else-Rapture destroys everyone that sets foot in it, Splicer, human, Gatherer and Protector alike.
Anyway, this is great. The atmosphere, the characterization and even how you portray the attitudes of the time is spot on. My only complaint is maybe you could re-word some of your sentences so they're less wordy (I.E. "Despite it catching her entirely by surprise during a noncommittal stroll, she did not startle or flee, but stood motionless regarding the beast as it regarded her back." could be said in less words.)
Cheers,
Skull
4Doctor ShempAmazing. Absolutely breathtaking, Crimson.
THIS is what Rapture is like. You paint a perfect picture of what it's really like to live in Rapture as a normal person who isn't a one-man army that's armed to the teeth and pretty much immortal. The sights, the sounds, the smells... it's all there. Beautiful.
I loved how you don't know right away that Rosemary is a Splicer herself. When I read it, it kind of felt like Rose herself was just realizing that, too. She tries to think that she's different from them, trying to stay sane by convincing herself that she's sane. Sort of like this one fic I read where the Doctor was stuck in a mental institution, and all of his psychologists were trying to convince him that he wasn't a Time Lord and the Doctor was just something he made up. Poor Rose. Poor, poor Rose. That was touching.
Another thing I liked was how you don't really portray Jack as a COMPLETE monster. We see him in pretty much the same way: a sad kid who can't even think for himself, someone who doesn't know any better than to kill everything that moves. I felt bad for Jack just as much as everybody else-Rapture destroys everyone that sets foot in it, Splicer, human, Gatherer and Protector alike.
Anyway, this is great. The atmosphere, the characterization and even how you portray the attitudes of the time is spot on. My only complaint is maybe you could re-word some of your sentences so they're less wordy (I.E. "Despite it catching her entirely by surprise during a noncommittal stroll, she did not startle or flee, but stood motionless regarding the beast as it regarded her back." could be said in less words.)
Cheers,
Skull
1/17/2011 c1 1SilverPandaHide
I really like your take on a Splicer's view of Rapture and their surroundings. Especially where Rosemary is appalled and fearful of the encompassing lunatics, yet she doesn't realize she has become one herself.
I also find it quite a refreshing change for someone to depict a Splicer's thoughts as being rational and somewhat normal, though their actions may not be, and the nonsensical gibberish they yell out actually has some relevance. Keeping Jack an emotionless, slightly sinister looking character was also a nice move.
All in all, this little fic was very well done. And I hope I didn't bore you to death with my rambling...
1SilverPandaHideI really like your take on a Splicer's view of Rapture and their surroundings. Especially where Rosemary is appalled and fearful of the encompassing lunatics, yet she doesn't realize she has become one herself.
I also find it quite a refreshing change for someone to depict a Splicer's thoughts as being rational and somewhat normal, though their actions may not be, and the nonsensical gibberish they yell out actually has some relevance. Keeping Jack an emotionless, slightly sinister looking character was also a nice move.
All in all, this little fic was very well done. And I hope I didn't bore you to death with my rambling...