for Insert Epic Name Here7/16/2014 c1 laura.scicluna.4
You are just awesome! I love your humor and chilled-ness. Your story is really cool and I might actually read it again. Hehehe bye bye.
You are just awesome! I love your humor and chilled-ness. Your story is really cool and I might actually read it again. Hehehe bye bye.
10/19/2011 c1 
5Animated Ninjas
Mai gawd I LOVE LOVE LOVE L-O-V-E ! How you did lee and sasuke it was sooooo cute! The gibberish part was a cute thing for sasuke~when I read sasunaru stuff usually sasuke is the seme while naruto is the uke but this was like the ultimate cute/fluffness I have read of sasu naru! Despite this was ur first fanfic I tought it was cute ~
5Animated NinjasMai gawd I LOVE LOVE LOVE L-O-V-E ! How you did lee and sasuke it was sooooo cute! The gibberish part was a cute thing for sasuke~when I read sasunaru stuff usually sasuke is the seme while naruto is the uke but this was like the ultimate cute/fluffness I have read of sasu naru! Despite this was ur first fanfic I tought it was cute ~
6/12/2011 c1 4Sinibin
Ahaha this story was amazing. :D
I love Naruto's line: "So. You were thinking about me?" Naruto said slyly.
Well done! This is a really good story.
Hope you write more!
*nods in approval* :)
4SinibinAhaha this story was amazing. :D
I love Naruto's line: "So. You were thinking about me?" Naruto said slyly.
Well done! This is a really good story.
Hope you write more!
*nods in approval* :)
4/25/2011 c1 7KillerUchiha
Hah, funny. Great for a first! As a critic for grammar, I'd say that it wasn't your spelling so much as the punctuation that marred your piece; after all, most people from my point of view have more trouble remembering what punctuation to use, since they can use spellcheck for missed words. All in all, for a first, excellent [short] plot.
Ja ne.
~Teme
7KillerUchihaHah, funny. Great for a first! As a critic for grammar, I'd say that it wasn't your spelling so much as the punctuation that marred your piece; after all, most people from my point of view have more trouble remembering what punctuation to use, since they can use spellcheck for missed words. All in all, for a first, excellent [short] plot.
Ja ne.
~Teme
4/14/2011 c1 Kitsune
aww that was cute and funny ^.^
i hope you write more storys like this :3
aww that was cute and funny ^.^
i hope you write more storys like this :3
1/27/2011 c1 21wakawaka22
Constructive Critism & Errors: Naruto's first sentence should have question marks! :D Should be "naruto thought, noticing sasuke's blush" Or smth! Or just add the comma (sry im rly picky abt this kind of thing. english is my 1st lang n fav :) ) Check should be cheek. Close should be closer with a comma after. I think "Sasuke's panicked thoughts were getting out of control." was a little bit too soon, as in there was only one immediate thought, and it cant rly be classified as panicked, maybe like how u wld say 'Damn!" So yeah. Do i make any sense? o.o Anyway n yeah add question marks to questions, even if they ARE exclamations.And ltr at the kiss u repeated 't for couldn't. OK THAT'S IT! Oh n btw i hope u dont take this the wrong way im nt forcing u or flaming or anyting, its just my honest opinion :) Oh n btw i 3 ur storyline even if i dun rly like narusasu :) Wow that's long... o.O
21wakawaka22Constructive Critism & Errors: Naruto's first sentence should have question marks! :D Should be "naruto thought, noticing sasuke's blush" Or smth! Or just add the comma (sry im rly picky abt this kind of thing. english is my 1st lang n fav :) ) Check should be cheek. Close should be closer with a comma after. I think "Sasuke's panicked thoughts were getting out of control." was a little bit too soon, as in there was only one immediate thought, and it cant rly be classified as panicked, maybe like how u wld say 'Damn!" So yeah. Do i make any sense? o.o Anyway n yeah add question marks to questions, even if they ARE exclamations.And ltr at the kiss u repeated 't for couldn't. OK THAT'S IT! Oh n btw i hope u dont take this the wrong way im nt forcing u or flaming or anyting, its just my honest opinion :) Oh n btw i 3 ur storyline even if i dun rly like narusasu :) Wow that's long... o.O
1/26/2011 c1 Consider this deleted
HAha that was cute! I liked your story I could tell it was gong to be random from the title :D
HAha that was cute! I liked your story I could tell it was gong to be random from the title :D
1/25/2011 c1 28Hakudoushi kawaii ne
Having your own thoughts mixed inside the story is a Big Fat No, No! Never ever put your thoughts inside brackets, no matter how funny you find the scene you have written. This is a major turn off since it only ruins the reader's reading flow.
Always keep your own AN at the beginning or end.
Also, I'd change the summary. Though it may be true that you're bad at summaries, having this in the actual summary can also be seen as a big turn off. Especially since your title's very plain too. Just keep it simple until you learn what attracts.
I didn't finish reading it because to be frank I have a certain standard to the stories I read (I hate brackets), but don't let that discourage you. Good luck with any future stories! The beginning was better than most first stories out there.
haku.
28Hakudoushi kawaii neHaving your own thoughts mixed inside the story is a Big Fat No, No! Never ever put your thoughts inside brackets, no matter how funny you find the scene you have written. This is a major turn off since it only ruins the reader's reading flow.
Always keep your own AN at the beginning or end.
Also, I'd change the summary. Though it may be true that you're bad at summaries, having this in the actual summary can also be seen as a big turn off. Especially since your title's very plain too. Just keep it simple until you learn what attracts.
I didn't finish reading it because to be frank I have a certain standard to the stories I read (I hate brackets), but don't let that discourage you. Good luck with any future stories! The beginning was better than most first stories out there.
haku.
1/22/2011 c1 3megzee77
This was quite funny, I admit to bursting out laughing when Sasuke shouts WHAT IS YOUR HAND DOING?
Well done :)
3megzee77This was quite funny, I admit to bursting out laughing when Sasuke shouts WHAT IS YOUR HAND DOING?
Well done :)
1/20/2011 c1 11Neko-Chan NyaNya
Wow, I see nothing wrong or bad in this fanfic. The amazing part is that this is your first fanfiction and it's really good. In my opinion your first was better than my first fanfic. I hope you write more stories soon and once again good job and nice work. hehe...poor sasu ^. .^
11Neko-Chan NyaNyaWow, I see nothing wrong or bad in this fanfic. The amazing part is that this is your first fanfiction and it's really good. In my opinion your first was better than my first fanfic. I hope you write more stories soon and once again good job and nice work. hehe...poor sasu ^. .^
1/18/2011 c1 YakushiFanGirl14
If its really your first, you did really well! Dont ever mock yourself. And if you think your that OOC, remember that nobody keeps their cool in that sort of situation (even Sasuke) so please keep writing if you can!
If its really your first, you did really well! Dont ever mock yourself. And if you think your that OOC, remember that nobody keeps their cool in that sort of situation (even Sasuke) so please keep writing if you can!