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for Landstradd's First Chapters

10/30/2012 c3 16twilliams1797
I like this one as well. It would be interesting to see 'MasteryHarry! compete in the TWT as well as his interaction with Hermione who would undoubtedly be drawn to him like a moth to flame, or a Hermione to a library.. now, as he appears at Hogwarts he needs to pull out Slytherins' battleax and chop a goblet.
10/30/2012 c2 twilliams1797
I understand that this chapter has only a cursory beta, and thus, I blame spellcheckers. Eeeveel they are!
viscous is liquid and sticky
vicious is mean and nasty
although viscous wards sounds quite interesting, depending on the liquid in question

there was another word that was wrong, but I don't recall it.

story idea: I like it, even with the 'lame' ending The idea of his grandparents available to him, I got the impression they were actually Godric and Helga, right? anyway, cool idea.
I saw the boot to the head idea somewhere else an found it hilarious, might have been nonjon or someone, anyway, the humor is always desirable.

to quote the movie, If you write it I will read it.
10/30/2012 c1 twilliams1797
Well, White mage of Time is a story I really want to read.
I like the part you hinted at, the awe of magic of the younger contrasting with oldharry..

on to the next bunny.
10/25/2012 c3 12Publicola
This is an excellent beginning. Lot of great elements here. I enjoyed seeing Ginny being the lost Potter girl (however icky that makes their canon romance) though I wish I could have seen more of the Weasleys during that scene. I hope if you do end up continuing this you'd expand the sections already written, rather than just starting from Fourth Year.

I also appreciated your inclusion of Remus. Frankly, giving Lupin any degree of courage or self-confidence would trigger enough of a butterfly effect to warp the canon plotline out of alignment. Your idea that werewolves can, in fact, control their own transformation has quite a lot of potential, and is even supported (partially) by canon (via Fenrir Greyback). Very enjoyable first chapter, looking forward to more!
10/25/2012 c2 Publicola
There are quite a few things I like about this. It's comparable to most indie!Harry fics, though the "grandparents in a crystal ball" was a unique touch. I also like your inclusion of scrying, considering how rarely that branch of magic shows up in most fan-fics. The obligatory reading of Sirius' will was enjoyable, though I was left wondering how his vocal prompts could conjure boots or animals to cause specific listeners pain (I enjoyed the joke, but the mechanism could use some explanation). Anyway, good first chapter, hope you find time to expand it!)
10/25/2012 c1 Publicola
I would love to see more of this. It's certainly one of the more interesting beginnings to a time-travelling!Harry fic, and I particularly like your depiction of goblins. Nasty buggers, check. Concierge service, not so much.
10/23/2012 c1 SablePhoenix
Very interesting idea and execution so far. It'd be an absolute shame to NOT see this one come to fruition. I'd certainly love to see how the two Harrys deal with the Wizarding World.
10/3/2012 c1 17MSgt SilverDollar and Snake
Damn I do hope you find the time and muse to continue this!
8/8/2012 c3 skowler
"White Mage" seems off to better start than most time travel fics.

"End of the Status Quo" is now one of my personal favorites among one-shots.

And this third chapter is also well done, though I liked the second chapter best of the three.

Thought you'd like to know.
7/19/2012 c3 5traviswj
These are all incredible starts, I do hope you write one one day. Has anyone else written a continuation of one?
6/29/2012 c1 Guest
Bloody awesome. Some small spelling mistakes and what look like words missing, BUT, the story is belivable and flows well. I'd really like to see where this ne goes.
6/26/2012 c1 harpotfan
I think that you should continue this one. It is well written and seems like it would be an excellent story.
6/25/2012 c1 NightAngel99
I like the idea of this story and would like to see it come to fruition, of course after you are done with The Sorting Hat's Stand's revision, The Power of the Mind.
12/23/2011 c3 2GodricGeoffreyGryffindor
Story three is the most original. I don't think I've seen one yet where Ginny is actually Harry's younger sister. I also like that it's the Marauders that are raising Harry, and that Masters are giving him independent study.

I'm not so hot on making him compete in the tri-fiasco tourney. However, it might be fun for the Marauders to give Dumbledore and the Ministry another mauling for trying to set him up like that. (They could always end the Goblet of Fire contract by subjecting the Goblet to a little fiendfyre or basilisk venom, or Harry could carve runes on it like he did against the diary.)

It's not so much that I object to the idiotic tasks (though I do). It's that I don't like the idea (plot hole) that a contract can be made against a non-consenting minor without the approval of a guardian by merely enchanting an object to enforce it. The idea that responsible adults would countenance such a thing is reprehensible. Even the idea that an enchanted object should choose the champions instead of having a playoff tournament is stupid. I don't like that the three schools compete on the basis of a single champion each, and everybody else is reduced to mere cheerleaders. I also don't like the idiocy of having a tournament with tasks than can result in significant injury, and yet still require the injured person to compete. Why wouldn't they accept a forfeit if a person is unable to compete? Lastly, Salem Witches Institute should be invited if they're going to revive such a stupid thing.
12/23/2011 c2 GodricGeoffreyGryffindor
If Dumbledore is party to a conspiracy against Harry, he's very unlikely to fail to see that Hermione makes a better interrogator than Ron. She's naturally more inclined to obey him as well. She's a much more valuable spy and ally than Ron.

This story has too many flashbacks. It's too easy for the reader to lose track of what the major storyline is supposed to be doing. Try telling the story sequentially instead.

Why was Harry up on the roof of the Hogwarts Express?
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